


All Our Yesterdays

by KyoyaOotori, SoManyPotatoes



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: (Get it? Heartless?), Actually we crashed the angst train and everyone is on fire, Angst, Canon Compliant, Child Abuse, Eventual Romance, Hurt/Comfort, I'm sure there's a moral at the end of this somewhere, Implied Sexual Abuse, KH3 Speculation, M/M, Mild Smut, Occasional humor because we're not heartless, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon Speculation, Slice of Life, Substance Abuse, Trigger Warnings, mild AU, mild sci-fi, suicidal ideation and attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-07-18 20:42:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 51,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16126358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyoyaOotori/pseuds/KyoyaOotori, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoManyPotatoes/pseuds/SoManyPotatoes
Summary: (Mild AU where Isa has a seizure disorder.)Isa and Lea were supposed to be friends forever.  They survived death twice, and after walking away from the Second Keyblade War, they returned to Radiant Garden to attempt a second chance at "normal" lives.  But how does a warrior live without a war to fight?  How can Isa survive the guilt of having been a vessel for Xehanort?  A wedge was split between them long ago, and despite all attempts to reform their friendship, Lea and Isa continue to fight.After a particularly nasty argument, the epileptic Isa has a seizure and is projected into his past.  Every seizure sends him back and forth, with noticeable changes in the future.  Is there a way to undo the hurt and stop his friendship from ever crumbling, or will he only make it worse?





	1. All This Bad Blood Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts and its characters are the intellectual property of Square Enix and Tetsuya Nomura. We are simply borrowing them for the entertainment.

 

Lea pressed his palms to his cheeks and pulled, the grip on his head tight enough to erase the wrinkles which had started forming around his eyes in the last few years.Looking into the oversized mirror in Isa's bedroom, he twisted his face.Every way in which he scrunched his nose and eyes, he looked considerably closer to thirty than he wanted. So many years had been wasted, and he had nothing to show for it.He let out a sigh and fixed his outrageous red mane, trying to regain his composure.  
  
With Isa's most recent behavior, he was about to have even less than when he started. 

The corners of Lea's mouth were still blue from the ice cream he had shared with Roxas and Xion half an hour ago.He hastily wiped away the incriminating evidence and spun on his heel.Isa flitted about his room in his father's old house, folding clothes into a suitcase and grabbing items of import.As a Nobody he hadn't much for sentiment, but even as a human, Lea knew Isa had cared little for excessive belongings.Any toy that had been precious in Isa’s eyes was just another weapon his father could use. When they were kids, it seemed like Isa’s father destroyed _something_ every week—punishment for only god-knew-what.Now with so few personal effects to pack, Isa would be out of here before Lea could say "Organization XIII". 

Prior to storming into Isa's father's abandoned house, following the berserker up here with strangely no resistance, and finding himself completely ignored, Lea had been arguing with Isa in the street yet again.Before Isa saw white, he had taken off.Lea couldn't remember what he had shouted in fury, but he could have sworn it was, _"Maybe you_ ** _should_** _leave!”_ Everything was happening so fast that Lea could hardly breathe.His chest hurt.He was sure he had a heart these days, but now he wished he didn’t.

These fights occurred almost every time they ran into each other in Radiant Garden.At first, they had been happy to have each other again.It had been tears and embraces while they thanked the gods that the torture was over.Now that things were calming down from the Second Keyblade War, they were finding loose strings at the seams, and they pulled every time.Their hearts were fresh and young, but their souls were battered.It was a recipe for a fall-out.

Sometimes they argued about Xion and Roxas.Lea wanted Isa to join their little “gang”, but Isa only saw how they had taken residence in Lea's heart as his new "best" friends.Then there was the surprising jealousy from Isa about Lea's recent romantic life.Lea had started going on dates again, one of which had been a one-night-stand with rumors spread all across town.It was true that Lea wasn’t taking these encounters very seriously, but Isa was hardly one to judge Lea's romantic life.

There were also the times that Lea found himself yelling at Isa for being too distant.Too self-loathing.Too depressed.Lea _hated_ himself for shaming a man's mental illness, but the storm cloud looming over Isa had been one thousand times the size of the one that loomed over their childhood. Lea was trying his hardest to be happy and move on from what would hopefully be the worst decade in his life.Isa was holding him back from recovery.

Today’s argument had been the final straw.If Lea didn’t say something now, Isa was going to leave Radiant Garden forever.

Lea put his hands out slowly, offering himself up like a sacrifice to a higher power.“Isa, wait.Please stop packing."He bit his lip and looked to the floor.His arms dropped limply to his sides with helpless defeat."I know that lately all we do is fight, but I don’t want you _gone_ from my life.You're my first real friend.We... can fix this.Right?You can't just throw away twenty years of friendship.”

Isa didn't respond at first, a stern, angry expression still on his face. He finished folding a night-blue jacket and placed it into his very organized suitcase. The majority of things packed were clothes. He did not look at Lea when he finally replied, moving to the dresser to pull some photographs off the mirror.

"You said it yourself:I should leave. My depression is clearly in your way."There was a sneer to his tone at that last comment. Oh, he was still bitter about that argument in particular. Who shames a man for a mental illness he couldn't control?Was his seizure disorder next? 

Isa carefully tucked the photos into one of the suitcase's small pockets. His next words were softer, and an expression of his own defeat painted his face. "There's no way to fix the damage that's been done for years."

Isa had always been good at choosing his words, even when angry.He naturally spoke little, and years of introversion trained him to pick every word ripe from the vine for a specific intent.His jab at Lea’s quick-tempered words had meant to cut.Lea balled his fists and grit his teeth, but he held his tongue.They had just finished arguing, and he was not going to take the bait yet again.

Lea inhaled sharply through his nose and let out a rushed sigh.Ever since becoming a Somebody once more, he had found his temper hard to control.It had always been fiery, but back then, Lea had just considered himself a sociopath without the ability for “real” anger.He had been "mimicking" anger, according to Xemnas.The former Organization members now knew that they may have possibly had hearts for years, but under the gas-lighting and the yolk of Xehanort’s servitude, many of them had neglected those hearts and chose to bottle their feelings.Feelings had meant humanity, and if they had ever shown anything different from the expected norm, Xemnas would have turned any one of them into a Dusk.

All these years of burying the good and the bad, Lea had never learned what it was to be a man.Puberty was a lost memory, and his young adult life was in ashes.Here he was, unceremoniously tossed into the currents of adulthood without a paddle.But Isa was in the same boat, wasn’t he?Lea found it difficult to master the empathy and sympathy required in this situation.They were both catching up—just confused sixteen-year-olds in older men’s bodies.

How did Lea convey any of this to Isa without sounding condescending or confusing?A heart was a heavy burden for a normal person!

Lea bit his lip, trying to swallow the new burning sensation in his chest.He recognized the nausea roiling in his stomach and the pin-prick sensation behind his welling eyes.This was the sensation known as grief.As Isa had started to grab photographs, Lea noticed he was only packing ones of his mother and grandparents.Of all of the photos, preserved and tucked into the brass edging, Isa’s mother had been the majority.Isa’s father was in none.The rest?Lea caught his mischievous grin in every one.It was their childhood on display.

From a crusted old photo on the left, a twelve-year-old Lea and Isa stood making V-signs in front of their seventh-grade science fair project.Lea had made a potato cannon, much to Isa’s original chagrin.They had won second place after Isa contributed a lot to the design and artwork.Lea walked over to the mirror and took the crusty old photo from the mirror. 

The photo next to that had been taken even earlier.Two ten-year-olds were making a sandcastle at the lakeside beach.Lea’s family hadn’t been the wealthiest, but his parents had afforded a summer vacation in a run-down cabin that year—a five-hour drive from Radiant Garden.Lea had been psyched to hear he could bring his best friend for the summer.It had been paradise, even with all the mosquito bites.

The feelings continued to boil inside Lea’s stomach until he exploded.“I want to fix the damage!You’re the one who fucking stabbed me and then goes around acting like _I_ killed _you_!” 

Lea brandished the beach picture at his friend.His breath came out ragged and his pulse vividly jumped at his neck.The moment he realized what he said, he dropped the photo and gripped the top of his head with one hand.He was struggling not to cry.His eyes burned.

“I’m sorry,” Lea corrected.“I get that you’re suffering.But what about me?I’m hurt too. Why can’t we just go back to the lake, and middle school, and sea-salt ice cream in the castle gardens? _Why,_ Isa?”

The monster that rested inside Isa's heart shifted. It felt as if a small piece of his father lived like a sleeping heartless inside him. Every time he had felt himself near-berserk since becoming a Somebody again, he knew it was only due time for him to become the creature that raised him.

An audible snarl escaped Isa's chest as he snapped his head towards Lea. His blue eyes at least looked less intimidating than they did when they were gold. Still, like a monster, the shorter hairs on the top of his head seems to rise like hackles. 

"Why?!" Isa shouted in a hoarse voice. "Because you left me! Alone! You abandoned me for two children who didn't need your help!" He gestured towards nothing in particular as he yelled. Isa turned quickly back to his suitcase on the bed, forcing himself to appear human again. He continued in a calmer tone. "You found something better."

Lea didn’t make eye contact as Isa snarled.In fact, he closed them to shut out the world, expecting the man to go berserk and summon his claymore.When the attack never came, Lea opened his eyes and peeked at Isa under thick eyelashes, his mood suddenly meeker.

“You started acting distant a long time before Roxas ever happened," he murmured. "I was the one who got abandoned.While you played the part of Xemnas’ secretary to work your way up the ladder, you started to actually _enjoy_ the position.No more laughter.No more sneaking out.No more adventures to other worlds like we said we were gonna do.When Roxas came along, I was already alone, doing missions you assigned me every morning.Roxas  _did_ need me.And you… you didn’t.”

Lea bent down, picked the picture up, and uncreased one of the corners.The Isa in that picture was beautiful and full of life, unmarred by the X that covered his face now.The little Lea next to him had no idea what was in store.He just assumed their friendship would last forever.

As Lea spoke, Isa started to close his suitcase and zip up the sides. He tried to see the other side of things—the side from Lea's point of view—but Isa was never good at empathy.Something in Isa told him that Lea was right, but he just didn't want to accept that. 

A long silence fell between them after Lea finished speaking. The only sounds in the room were the white curtains in the open window, brushing against the wall softly from the breeze, and the sound of Lea touching the cardstock photo. 

Isa finally turned to Lea, a harsh look still in his eyes. "I did need you.  I needed you m-m-mo-" Isa paused, frustrated he suddenly couldn't speak. Feeling the sensation of something on his lip he touched it quickly. Isa's eyes widened as he looked at the blood on his fingers.

If Lea had bothered paying more attention to his friend than the photo, he would have seen the tell-tale signs of another seizure.It had been two years since he had been there for one, and back then it had been as Saix and Axel, but these had happened since childhood.Over the years, Lea had gotten particularly good at noticing the lack of focus in Isa’s eyes, the slur of his speech, or the slight sway of his body long before a nosebleed happened.Regardless, every time this aura happened, Isa’s epilepsy took over in roughly thirty seconds.

Lea threw the photo to the side and caught Isa in his arms before his hit his head on the footboard.He was already going limp.“Isa!I got you.I got you, it’s okay.You’re okay, buddy.”

For all the mixed feelings and negativity, instinct still took over.Lea grabbed a pillow and lowered it and Isa to the ground.Although it had happened so many times before, his green eyes were still wide with anxiety and fear. Luckily, Isa’s bedroom floor was large enough that he could avoid any sharp or hard objects.

It was hard for Lea to back away from him when his heart so badly wanted to hold him.He knew better, though. 

“You’re safe…”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SoManyPotatoes here!
> 
> Since KH3 has yet to come out, we're trying our best to avoid touching on its plot. Parts of our plot foundation may not be canon, but for the time being, this is what we can assume:
> 
> \- Xehanort, Xemnas, and Ansem are no more. We're not sure if they're dead, so we're leaving their fates vague.  
> \- Xion and Roxas have their own bodies and have gone to live with Lea in Radiant Garden. (Re:Coded and DDD have heavily implied they are getting their own bodies/hearts.)  
> \- Everything in the manga and light novels that doesn't conflict with the video games is canon. Saix stabbed Axel when he tried to rescue Kairi, Roxas has a thing for Xion, etc.  
> \- The worlds are connected and one can travel between them via spirit train or Dark Corridors (with the proper protective wear).
> 
>  
> 
> Things that are different from Kingdom Hearts canon:
> 
> \- The worlds are not single towns with small populations. You'll see more of Radiant Garden fleshed out in chapters to come, but the world and its population are roughly half the size of the United States. There's a version of Hollywood, there are cars and highways, and there are lakes and beaches. There are four distinct seasons and the people follow a pagan-esque religion.  
> -Isa and Lea have surnames. We couldn't avoid this. Isa's last name is "Page", suggesting his ancestors served Ansem the Wise's ancestors. He comes from money. Lea's last name is "Gardener" which is the Radiant Garden equivalent of Smith. He's a commoner.


	2. Take Me Back to Better Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Potato here!
> 
> Before you begin reading, I want to explain the background and terminology of seizure disorders for those who are unfamiliar:
> 
> \- Seizure disorders vary, but Isa has epilepsy, which can develop for a multitude of reasons, including head trauma. Seizures are typically "tonic-clonic", meaning people go limp and then spasm as the overload of electricity in their brains causes rapid muscle contraction/relaxation.  
> \- Seizures typically last from seconds to minutes, but any seizure lasting more than 5 minutes is called "status epilepticus" and can cause permanent brain damage because the electricity is actually frying the neurons (brain cells).  
> \- After a seizure, people have a "post-ictal" phase, which is usually confusion and disorientation, sometimes nausea, and somnolence. Post-ictal phases vary per person and can last only a few minutes, up to several hours.
> 
> The seizures in this fic might not be the most medically accurate, and I can attest to this because I actually work in medicine. We are stretching the truth a little bit for entertainment purposes.

“You’re safe…”

Lea’s words seemed to echo in Isa’s mind before it went blank and his body arched and twisted with spasms. His eyes were still open but vacant, and the blood from his nose trailed down his cheek and touched his ear. He could vaguely see Lea kneeling close to him but his vision turned to soft shapes. It looked like a pastel oil painting.

Everything went black.

When Isa came to, he blinked open slowly.It took a long time for Isa to adjust to the dark in the room. Had the power gone out while he was seizing? As he tried to make out the shapes in the dark he realized he was laying on and bed.Isa looked down to see he was in pajamas, and…

_Was it his imagination, or was he shorter?_

Isa pulled himself to sit upright, wincing a little and placing a hand to his head. He turned and was surprised to see Lea beside him, sleeping. But it wasn’t Lea, was it?The person next to him was only a boy! Isa gasped, and caught spit in his throat and started to cough. His panicked hands in front of his mouth seemed smaller, and even his cough sounded different. 

_His voice was a higher pitch!_

Lea—the child he remembered as Lea—stirred at the sound, and Isa could only stare in horror as he caught his breath. Isa prayed Lea wasn't going to wake up. This had to be some weird dream, but it felt to real to be fake.He was in the past!How was this possible?

“Mmmff— huh?Wh-what?Isa?”

With a snort and a mumble, Lea sat upright next to him.They were in Isa’s same old dusty bedroom of the old “manse” (as Lea called it) in the central district of Radiant Garden. The more Isa looked about, however, he saw the differences between the times.Darkness hadn’t taken Radiant Garden yet.The view from the open window showed the golden brickwork in the morning twilight.There was still the smell of late May’s honeysuckles in the air; the stale flavor of Heartless and Darkness didn’t reach his tongue.All of the walls were intact without cracks, and the rock posters on the walls were shiny and new.

Memories of this moment started returning selectively the more Isa investigated.Lea normally never slept in the same bed as Isa when they were at Isa’s house—Father’s rules—but they had stayed up late playing “Bomberman Brothers III” on Isa’s new Nomura Entertainment System.The television was still on, casting a blue light to the room.Their controllers were on the bed between them.

“Oh crap,” Lea said, looking at Isa’s face and wiping the crust from his own eyes.There was blood under the blue-haired boy’s nose.“You seized?I didn’t even hear it or feel it.Must not have been a bad one, at least.”

Isa flinched but remained frozen in place as Lea reached over and smudged some of the dried blood from his face. 

“Ya okay?Need me to get some water?”Lea asked.It felt weird to hear him talk in a higher tone. 

Isa found himself unable to respond at first. He managed the strength to nod his head, only to find that the sudden movement made him feel like vomiting. Isa let out a little groan and leaned back into his pillow, not noticing or caring about the blood on it. It was most likely stained in blood under the pillowcase from many injuries and nosebleeds of the past.

Lea looked at Isa curiously, his brow furrowed slightly with concern.“Okay.You just wait here then, okay?”He scurried off like a mouse—a lanky, awkward, teenaged mouse.

_Isa was sixteen again._ This was the summer that it happened, too—the summer that their lives had changed forever.He and Lea had been plotting how to get into Ansem the Wise’s castle for years.King Ansem was a man of intelligence and wealth, and it was rumored he had a lab with the most up-to-date technology known to their world.Every day, new experiments were being conducted by their creepy head scientist, Even. As fans of science-fiction and a little bit of mischief, Lea and Isa had found the temptation to explore Ansem’s lab too strong to resist. 

As seconds ticked by, the thought of suddenly being in the past made Isa's heart race.Falling into a panic, he grew short of breath as he shook and cowered on the bed.In a few monthsfrom this day, Isa would be “dead.”What kind of hell was he in, reliving the past?How did he go back?He couldn’t live through this life twice!

Lea was gone for a few minutes, and he made no attempt to quiet his noise coming back up the stairs from the kitchen.He stumbled back into the room, somehow avoiding spilling a single drop from the glass of water.He set it down on the nightstand and plopped on the edge of the bed, right in the curvature of Isa’s stomach.Lea placed a hand on his shoulder and simply stared at his friend.

“It’s all right,” he whispered soothingly.“You’re safe.”

Out of habit, Isa shoved Lea's hand away from him the second it touched his shoulder. He couldn't help but give a glare to the teen. He turned away from lea and shakily took the glass, sipping lightly. The shake in his hand was preventing him from getting much. 

Lea frowned when he was pushed away, but didn’t attempt to replace his hand.He looked like a puppy that had been kicked.

“Sorry,” he whispered, standing up from the edge of the bed and moving to the foot.When Isa wanted distance, he obliged.Nonetheless, it hurt when his best friend didn’t want any comfort or company.Lea felt useless, particularly when there was nothing he could do to stop these seizures.Changes in the medications made them less frequent, but Isa always seemed to break through the regimen. 

Isa was left to adjust and gather his thoughts while Lea turned off the NES."L-Lea…” He finally croaked out, placing the glass down. "W-what happened yesterday?"If he could find out exactly what day it was, he would at least know how much longer he had until one of the worst days in his life. 

His question left Lea a bit lost for words.The redhead turned and furrowed his brow again, appearing even more concerned.Isa even felt a twinge of guilt at that young, innocent face.

“Geez, maybe you went harder than I realized and I’m just turning into a deep sleeper,” he said with a dry laugh, trying to lighten the mood. 

Isa let out an annoyed sigh."That's not funny..."

“Sorry,” Lea said, still chuckling and scratching his head.“Well… uh, let’s see.We met that kid.Uh…Ven?Ven.And then because it was the first Saturday of the month, we tried sneaking into the lab, and Dilan and Aeleus threw us flat out on our butts.Then we had ice cream and came back here to play games.Pretty typical weekend.You really don’t remember?”

Blue eyebrows furrowed together as Isa thought about Ventus. It was somewhere towards the end of May.School would let out in a few weeks’ time, and he and Lea would try even harder to break into the castle.By the last week of August, they would succeed.By September, they would be missing persons.By this time next year, they would have gravestones with empty caskets as their parents—well, Lea’s parents—mourned and presumed them dead.

Isa was torn from his thoughts at the sound of an alarm clock going off down the hall. Lea’s eyes opened wide like a deer in the headlights.At first, it didn't register in Isa's mind that it was a sign of danger, but seeing Lea's expression reminded him of the demons that were trapped in the past. One, in particular, was Piers, Isa’s father.He would be very angry if he found his son sleeping in the same room as another boy. 

"Go to the couch,” Isa said in a hushed voice. He pulled one of the blankets from his bed and held it out towards Lea.

“Got it,” Lea whispered, taking the blanket and scurrying out of the room.

The redhead didn’t need to be told twice. The last time he and Isa had accidentally fallen asleep like this, Lea had been banned from calling or seeing Isa outside of school for two weeks.Isa had come to school limping.The bruises were invisible with his school uniform, but all of the boys in the locker room knew that his backside had taken a good twenty lashings from a leather belt.

Four years prior, when Piers had caught Isa kissing another boy, it had been the end of an era.No longer did Isa get abused mentally and emotionally by an angry widower.Now he was a “fag,” and no son of Piers Page was going to be caught ruining the family name.The only reason Lea was still allowed in Isa’s life was that he had had “little girlfriends” starting back in the fourth grade.Lea had never once questioned his friendship with Isa, nor did he ever seem confused or disgusted by Isa’s self-identity.The two of them continued to share a bed at Lea’s house for several years until they were too big to share a twin mattress.Things only had to be different at Isa’s house.

As was routine, Lea would wait downstairs until Piers woke him up with the coffee grinder.Piers cared little for his house guest when caffeine was on the line.Lea would feign fatigue with a yawn, greet Isa’s dad with a sleepy, saccharine smile, and go upstairs to “wake Isa” so they could watch cartoons together.

Ten minutes passed in slow motion, and Isa was at least grateful for his father’s rigid schedules. Every weekend, Piers would hit his alarm and stretch before sliding out of bed.Then he would use the toilet in the master bedroom.Lea had been given ample opportunity to make it downstairs and hide.Likewise, Isa hid under the covers and tried to feign sleep while he reflected on his memories of the past.It was impossible to pinpoint exact days in ten years of memories, but he had to try.What had happened the day they met Ven?

Piers footsteps echoed down the hall, old floorboards creaking under his weight.He peeked into the room, and Isa's eyes accidentally met his. Everything in Isa froze as all of his childhood fear returned.The source of all of his suffering was in front of him, tangible once more. He wasn't aware he could ever feel that terrified again in his life. 

The two locked eyes a moment longer, but Piers, finding his son alone under the comforter, returned to his long trek for the kitchen without another word.Isa heard the coffee grinder, and within a few minutes, Lea came back into his room.

“Coast is clear.”

Isa sat up quickly, throwing the comforter in the air. He started to search for clean clothes. "We're leaving,” he said urgently.

A strange feeling seemed to tickle at Isa’s gut.Lea, the Lea right in front of him in this moment, would have no knowledge of this, but the morning had once been much worse.Piece by piece, the memory came back.Originally on this day, Isa had woken from his seizure, and too groggy to fight a post-ictal state, rolled closer to Lea.Piers had found Isa and Lea cuddling together for warmth, and Lea had been unceremoniously tossed into the street with his backpack.Isa didn’t go to school for a whole week while he nursed his bruises. 

Lea frowned, crossing his arms and ignoring the plea to grab his backpack.At sleepovers, Lea hardly ever bothered to change out of his clothes except to change into new ones.The only thing he had removed was his scarf, which was tossed over the back of the television.

“Going?Where? _Why?_ Galaxy Trek is on in like… a half hour.Can’t we wait?”

"Galaxy Tre—“ Isa paused, thinking back.He suddenly narrowed his eyes at Lea. "You fucking idiot,” he growled, turning away from Lea. He slipped on clean day clothes, frowning at the thought of skipping basic hygiene routines.

"If you're not going to leave, then you can stay here with that asshole downstairs and watch childish shit with _him_ ,” Isa ranted, not looking back up at Lea. Once his shoes were tied he stepped to the window and tried to pull it open. 

Isa paused with his now-smaller hands gripping the latch.There were nails hammered into the wood to prevent the window from opening at all. His father had done this several times to prevent quick escapes and, more importantly, from Isa sneaking back in when he snuck out.Angrily, Isa turned and search the room for something to break the window with. 

"I hate this place,” Isa growled as he searched.

“Hey!”Lea shouted, but he took a step back and braced himself.His shoulders puffed up defensively as he glared into Isa’s turquoise eyes. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you this morning, but you’re being a _jerk_.I’m sorry about wasting time with that Ventus kid and getting us kicked out of the castle again, but… you’re just being _mean_ this morning.Gods, Isa.”

Lea turned to Isa’s computer desk, hoisted his backpack to his shoulder, and pulled out a hammer from the top drawer.(Now Isa remembered.He had always secretly kept it there for these moments.)When Lea approached, he presented the tool with a grumble and a heavy hand.

“It’s just a couple of _fucking_ nails,” he said, accenting the curse word.They still rarely swore unless they were angry, and it had been rare moments in their history where Isa or Lea had directed curses at one another with sincerity.“Ya can pop ‘em out and meet me downstairs.I’m just going to take the front door and tell your dad my mom wanted me home to mow the lawn…”

Isa snatched the hammer from Lea. Something about the redhead's words made him want to hit Lea over the head with it.He watched Lea leave the bedroom and turned back to the window to pry the nails out. As he worked at them he noticed a sick feeling trickle into his gut.

Guilt was a feeling Isa knew quite well.He had been intimately reacquainted with it ever since he had regained a heart.Lately—in the future, that was—everything he said to Lea seemed to make him feel guilty. Isa knew he was just in the way and every move he made sent him further away from Lea.

The bluenette paused after pulling out the last nail. It hit the floor with a mocking tinkle, and Isa turned to look at the empty doorway again.He shouldn't have treated Lea like that.This Lea hadn’t done anything wrong, yet.

Isa placed the hammer back in the drawer, making sure to cover it completely with scraps and notepads. He climbed out onto the roof and down the tiles. He didn't bother grabbing the gutter to slide down but instead took a short leap to the ground.Sadly, Isa hadn't calculated the height difference from being sixteen again and landed awkwardly, face-first in the grass.

“I should just leave you there.Serves ya right, buttface.”

It had taken several minutes for Isa to pry the nails, while it had only taken seconds for Lea to descend the steps.Piers was a man of few words before his morning cup of coffee, and he had taken what Lea said at face value with a grunt of dismissal.Lea had been waiting for him, leaning up against the side of the house. 

Lea bent at the knees and offered a hand to Isa, a smirk on his young, impish face.His hair was as unruly as ever, but at sixteen, it was still short enough that it never flopped in his face or covered his eyes.He was up-front and wore his heart on his sleeve.

“Still… even if my best friend is a buttface, I’m gonna help him when he falls," he said with a sigh."I mean, his dad is a total dick and he deserves to have at least somewhat of a good Sunday.As much as he's ruining mine.”

Isa was spitting grass from his mouth when the hand came down to offer help. He looked up at Lea with confusion, but the words were what really shocked Isa. He looked up at his friend like Lea had just said he would die for him.

Isa quickly shook away the surprise and took Lea's hand.Once settled on sturdy feet, he brushed off his clothes.“I’m…sorry." He choked out. It was incredibly hard for Isa to apologize even to a younger Lea, but the words never came to him back home in his own time.

"I'm sorry." He said again, looking Lea in the eyes. He suddenly smirked. "But you're just as much of a buttface."

The smirk had remained pasted on Lea’s face when he hoisted Isa up, but now it was glowing with self-satisfaction and his typical cocky air.

“Please, Isa.We all know I’m the _pretty_ one,” he said with a chuckle.Lea tapped the side of his temple, not having to say his usual catchphrase to his best friend.“You’re smart one that keeps this face from getting uglied up.”

Isa kept his mouth shut, knowing well enough that Lea would always be the pretty one—especially with what was in store for his own face. Apparently, Lea was forgiving him as he placed an arm around Isa’s shoulders and guided him out of the garden. The contact was comforting in a way Isa couldn't explain. 

In the future, the two wouldn't touch much. Isa couldn’t remember hugging Lea since… _this current time period_ , he thought to himself.Teenage boys argued.Sometimes their raging hormones got the best of them, but at the end of the day, Isa and Lea always made up.Back then—right now, as it were—the longest he and Lea had fought had been a week, and Lea had cried ugly crocodile tears when they finally hugged it out.In his own time period, Isa could barely stand being touched, let alone embraced. 

Lea, unaware of anything in Isa’s thoughts, continued talking, having sensed Isa’s guilt. “It’s okay, buddy.I still love ya.It was… what?Almost six months without a seizure and then this happens?And we almost got caught by your dad.Rough morning.”

“You have no idea.”If only Isa could begin to explain.

“I know what’ll make this better.I’m actually already taping Galaxy Trek, so we might as well hit up the cafe and grab breakfast.”

“That…sounds good, actually.” 

When they made it out of the front gate, which creaked and rattled closed behind them with a metallic clunk, they turned right down the street.The central district had sidewalks lined with flowering trees.If Radiant Garden went a week or two without rain, the alleys were a nightmare for Lea’s allergies.Currently, the blooms were nearing death, leaving dark summer foliage to keep the street shady during the worst summer days.Cicadas were already starting their morning screaming.

Isa kept quiet for the majority of their walk, responding to Lea with noncommittal nods or grunts. He hadn't seen Radiant Garden like this in over ten years. He took in every image, scent, and sound as if experiencing it for the first time. The more of the past he saw, the more his throat swelled. Isa hadn't noticed the mist in his eyes until it was too late.He blinked quickly, wiping at the tear that sparkled on his cheek.

At some point between the transition from Galaxy Trek to their physics assignment, Lea saw the whimsical stare in Isa’s eyes.Seeing the tear run down Isa’s cheek, he stopped walking in the middle of the road and held his tongue.The Sunday morning street was empty and calm.

Lea's arm remained in place over Isa’s shoulders, but he squeezed the one.“Are you okay, Isa?Really?You’ve looked so... _sad_ ever since you woke up.”

"I'm fine." Isa felt uncomfortable with the closeness.Without warning, he shoved Lea away, giving him an elbow to the ribs as he did so.

“Ow!What the—“

Isa turned around in circles looking at everything surrounding them. The beautiful trees, the gardens in all the yards. Even the bricks in the road were perfect and exactly how they once were. Isa kept turning. His hands began to shake, and suddenly he knelt on his knees. His young hands gripped his blue hair and tugged.  

"This isn't real!!!" Isa let out a guttural cry that echoed around the teens. 

Lea braced himself, his teeth clenching tight at the sound of Isa’s desperate scream.He felt his own pulse race and his breath hitch in his chest.The same pain ran down his spine and unlocked him from hesitation.He approached slowly, a hand outstretched to wipe away the tears.It was reminiscent of a hunter coming upon a wounded animal.

A weak sob escaped Isa’s throat. He was suddenly aware of the sound of Lea approaching him. Lea was the worst part of this all. He was so innocent, while so damaged in the future. It was all Isa's fault, wasn't it?

Isa stood quickly, nearly falling to the ground as he bolted forward down a random street. He needed to escape.Lea was left in the dust, a confused look on his face.

Lea had no idea how, or why, but Isa was dissociating.He questioned if it was due to today’s seizure and regretted ever letting Isa leave the house. Before he could even verbalize one of them, Lea had formulated a plan A down the line to Z.Isa needed to get back home, get breakfast, take a nap.He needed a doctor. _Did he remember to take his medications this morning?_ Lea needed to get him home, and he was damned if he’d let Piers bully him later on.

“Isa!Wait!Where are you going!”He shouted, taking off a few seconds after the shock wore off.“Dammit, why did he have to join the soccer team?” 

Isa had the upper hand as he led Lea through a high-speed chase.He Lea were both on their school’s soccer team, but only Isa took the sport seriously.The kid had a lot of power in him for someone so scrawny, and their coach saw a lot of potential for Isa’s athleticism.He was a model athlete and had the endurance to stay out on the field for the whole game.Lea, on the other hand, was far from MVP.If he wasn’t playing goalie, a combination of his temper and passion for sleeping kept him benched most games.Lea was really only on the team because he wanted to be there for Isa.

The only sound Isa could hear was his feet pounding on the bricks and his own quick, panicked breath. He ran as fast as he could, impressed by the speed his younger body had.Lea was behind, but not too far.Was this some stupid metaphor for running away from Lea in the real world?

Isa took a sharp right and leaped easily over someone's fence. He ignored the dog in the yard barking excitedly. Lea still followed him down an alley beside the house and into the backyard.Another fence was at the end, this one much taller.The fence didn’t intimidate Isa, but it unfortunately gave Lea a chance to catch up.

Was Isa actually going insane?The concerns for his friend’s mental health were the only thing spurring Lea forward on burning calves, pressing him through the cramping chest pain.Gaining on his target, he was suddenly stunned when Isa turned around and shouted at him.

"Stop following me!" Isa glared at Lea as he swung a leg over to the other side of the fence.

“What did I do to make you run away from me!?”

Panting and huffing, both remained frozen in their spots, Isa straddling the fence as he glowered."I don't want to hurt you,” he muttered, lifting his leg and sliding down on the other side.

Isa’s feet hit the dirt with a soft thud, and he hurried into a small patch of woods. He kept glancing behind himself at Lea. It wasn't more than fifty steps till he walked out of the shade of the trees and into another yard, this one without a fence.

"I... I don't think you'd...ever really hurt me on purpose."Lea panted softly to himself.Isa was long gone.

Still huffing, Lea bent over and pressed at the stitch in his side, watching as Isa’s form disappeared into the distance.His eyes followed sadly, face a blank canvas.For every ounce of desire to follow, he knew that Isa needed to be alone.Lea just wished he could stop the thousand what-ifs popping into his brain.

_I hope he doesn't have another seizure out there all alone..._


	3. True Family, Real Home

Isa’s feet still remembered the way.He had found the Fountain Court fairly easily. This was his favorite part of the City, even in present time when it was chipped and bleak. In _his_ time, the grass still needed replanting, the retaining wall was in major disrepair, and the stone steps had caved in at some spots.The Fountain Court in this time was better than he remembered.The water still flowed, and all the bubbling and gurgling noises echoing off the bricks instantly soothed him.

Lea had not followed, and Isa was left alone to his thoughts.He spent a few good hours by the main fountain, looking into the water, playing it in, and even stealing coins from it just to toss them back in. Isa never made a wish, of course.He had never believed they would come true—not without working hard for it.It was easy to get lost in this small paradise, overflowing with the bouquet of floral aromas.Honeysuckle vines crept up the stairwells.Roses were planted around the fountains.Gardenias and cherry blossoms made their last stands before summer took full force.Isa laid down on the edge of one of the fountains and stared up into the sky, allowing his thoughts to take him. 

Daydreams turned into real dreams, and hours later, Isa woke up to a growling stomach.His feet set in motion of their own accord and he found himself walking a familiar path home. It wasn’t home with the devil he called his father.No, this was his _real_ home.With people who wanted him.

He came to a small house in the Western District, fenced-in like all the others with a small yard and a happy garden of assorted colorful flowers. Yellow light shined out of the windows, inviting him like a moth to the flame. The gate squeaked with rust as Isa opened it, and he winced a little at the sound. The windows were wide open and Isa heard the sounds of a family inside.Surely it worked in reverse.

It baffled Isa how nervous he felt as he stood ready to open the front door. He hadn't known a sense of family in over a decade, and now it was all about to smack him hard in the face with sticky hands and the smell of the best cooking in the Universe.

When Isa pulled the door open, the warm yellow glow engulfed him in a hug. The smell of home cooking nearly brought tears to his eyes. He tried his best to shut the door quietly, but it wouldn't have mattered. Child and parent voices talked over each other a filled the home with energy.

“Hey hon, did I hear the gate?”

“Couldn’t have.Avery said he has an exam tomorrow.”

“Lea, are you still in the house?”

“Yeah ma!We’re upstairs!Oww!Reid, stop biting my thigh!”

“You stop tickling me you poopy—hee!”

The sound of a wet raspberry in a child’s stomach was loud enough to echo down the steps.

The Gardener home was small.Most of the houses in the West District had been built during a downturn in the economy fifty years ago when resources were scant.Half the size of Isa’s manor house, it had five cramped bedrooms and an office that had been converted to a sixth when Lea’s little brother had “accidentally” come along.Originally there had been four bedrooms, but Lea’s dad had converted the master suite into two when the children were young.The family of seven shared two small bathrooms.

Despite the humble abode, Lea’s parents had made it lively.Ilan Gardener, Lea’s father, was the owner of the largest home improvement store in Radiant Garden, and he used his skills at home to keep it updated and clean.Lora, Lea’s mother, had mostly been a stay-at-home mom the last few years, which gave her time to decorate and paint the walls with floral murals when she wasn’t cleaning up after her youngest.The house was eclectic, but it was worn-in like a perfectly fitting glove.It never failed to smell like fresh baked goods or a home-cooked meal.

When Isa opened the unlocked door—because no one in Radiant Garden ever locked up in these days—he was instantly greeted by Lora.She was still mashing a batch of potatoes in the pot as she entered the foyer from the kitchen.“Isa!What a pleasant surprise!Dinner’s almost ready.I made a roast, and there’s plenty to go around.Go wash up.Lea and Reid are upstairs.”

For a woman with five children, Lora miraculously retained enough sanity to stay happy.Every time Isa saw the woman, her green eyes were alight with the same twinkle of Lea’s.Her graying blonde hair was usually a mess, testament to how often her kids drove her insane, but she never appeared overwhelmed by her lot in life.Lora had come from a large family herself, and she had grown up accustomed to the sounds of children and their shenanigans.

Isa had never been able to remember the exact paintings on the walls, so seeing them now was a welcome sight. When Lora walked towards him he couldn't help but smile in return. His arms ached to hug her for some reason. He wanted to nuzzle into her torso and cry—to blurt out "Mom" and never let her go. Isa was surprised with himself. He forced himself to remain still despite his urges and nodded politely when she told him what to do.

Isa could still walk this house with his eyes closed.Everything was where he remembered it.He found the nearest bathroom and shut the door, and the sounds of the home were slightly dulled. The bluenette turned to the sink and washed his hands. When he looked up and saw his reflection he was frozen for a moment.Carefully, he touched his forehead, smooth and unscarred. He traced the shape of an X, but there was nothing there. 

"I really am myself again..."He spoke out loud, still star-struck at the sound of his youthful voice.

A loud thump from the second floor broke Isa from his trance in the mirror. Quickly drying his hands and face, he hurried up the stairs. Isa stopped at the top and frowned at the scene. Clay stood proudly, chest puffed out as he held down his younger brother Lea with a strong foot.

“Get the fuck off me, Clay!”Lea grabbed his brother by the ankle and struggled, but his older brother was twice his size. 

Lea was a green-eyed version of his father and oldest brother, Avery, both of whom were tall and lean. Clay, the second-born Gardener son, took after their mother’s side of the family.He was stocky, with sandy-blonde hair and dark, grim eyes of navy—almost black.Conventionally, he was handsome, but something about the permanent arrogance in his eyes made him an uglier person.Isa wondered briefly if Clay had become a powerful Heartless when Radiant Garden was attacked, but the thought of anyone in this home suffering such a fate made his heart sink.

“Mom!”Clay called down the stairs.“Lea swore in front of the baby!”

“I’m not a baby, you buttface!” 

Reid, the youngest of the Gardener children, was a scrappy, blond six-year-old with several of his baby teeth missing and a face full of freckles.Seeing him now after so many years, Isa was stunned by how similar he was to Roxas.It was no wonder Lea had taken to the Keyblade’s chosen.

Lea had originally been play-fighting with Reid over a tickle war when Clay interrupted and took the fighting up a notch.Reid defensively tackled Clay’s leg, wrapped around it, and tried to drag him down.It had little effect, considering Reid was less than fifty pounds.That is, it was ineffective at getting Clay to remove his hulking weight from Lea’s chest until Reid bit _him_ in the thigh, as well.

“Fuck!”

“Moooom!Clay swore in front of the baby too!”

Isa carefully stepped around the chaos, sticking close to the wall. His expression was unimpressed, but he surprisingly didn't feel annoyed. Isa's eyes never left Lea, a smirk coming to his own face. 

"Serves you right, Lea." Isa teased.Lea could only groan in greeting.

"Boys!" Lora's voice suddenly cut through the air. She stood at the bottom of the steps, hands still busy with some sort of cooking tool. Isa's view was obstructed and he couldn't tell what transpired next, but he had been on the receiving end of “The Look” several times in the past to know when she gave it.The trademark glare was enough to scare the gods, let alone put fear into her children’s hearts.It said all it needed to without a word: _one more move and your butt will get a whoopin’._

Clay stopped fighting with Reid, who stopped gnawing on Clay’s thigh, and Lea got himself up from the floor to his knees, clutching at his bruised ribs.All three turned their heads down.

“Sorry, mom.”

“Yeah… sorry, mommy.”

“Oops,” Lea said. He was not sorry until what must have been another sharp look from his mother made him clear his throat.“Sorry, mother.”

“Clay, come down and set the table, Mister Instigator.Reid and Lea, go wash up.” 

Their mother returned to the kitchen, and after Clay jabbed Lea in the arm, the three did as they were told.

Lea stood up, still rubbing his chest and approached Isa.He looked him up and down and found him no worse for wear, without any crusted blood under his nose or bruises from a return-home trip to his dad.

“Feeling better?”

"Don't look at me like that." Isa grumped. He crossed his arms and gave an apologetic look to Lea. “But I'm sorry about freaking out." 

Isa’s apology fell flat, and he knew he didn’t sound as sorry as he wanted.He scratched his head, self-conscious of the worried look in Lea's eyes. "Let's just pretend this day never happened. Then we can go back to... everything being normal." Isa frowned, turquoise eyes turned to the floor. Things were far from normal.

“Okay.”The reply was straightforward, without any teasing tone or hidden motive.Lea reached forward and pressed a forefinger into Isa’s forehead where, one day, a scar would be.The smile on his face was serene.He waited until Isa looked him in the eyes again before dropping his hand.Telepathically, they seemed to understand everything Lea meant in that one simple word:unconditional acceptance.Then the mood was ruined as Lea’s smile crinkled into a smirk.

“I mean, I would have a mental breakdown, too, if I told _my_ best friend he was _obnoxious_ and I tried to _forget him all the time_.”Like Clay, he punched Isa gently in the bicep and went to go wash his hands.“Let’s go eat.”

Isa's heart swelled.He had forgotten how forgiving Lea had been.All Lea needed to do was exist in order to comfort Isa.

"You _are_ obnoxious," Isa said, rolling his eyes.  His smile belied the sarcasm.

Isa was practically drooling by the time he reached the dining room. He paused briefly, seeing Ilan place dishes of food on the center of the dining table.For a moment, he had mistaken Ilan for his son and thought he had magically been transported back to the future.Lea really was the spitting image of his father. Isa was thankful he wouldn't grow to be the bulky, husky man his father was.

“Hi, Mr Gardener.”Isa took a seat next to Lea's thirteen-year-old sister Lily. He looked at her and gave an awkward smile. It was like meeting a ghost. "Hi, Lily."

“Hi Isa,” Lily said quietly, a blush on her cheeks.She was in an awkward phase at school.If her parents only knew how much eyeliner she wore when she left the house, Lora might have had a conniption.Luckily, the Gardeners at least allowed their children to express themselves through hair clothing.Lily, not taking after her delicate namesake, wore a lot of black and plaid.Her strawberry blonde hair was cut shorter in the back and spiked out.

Ilan took his seat at the head of the family table, and Lora took the foot.Lea made his place between Isa and his mother, and Clay and Reid sat on the opposite side.They had brought out the leaf of the table for Isa’s space, leaving a blank spot where Avery would have sat if he had come home from university.

“Lea, would you like to say grace?” Ilan looked at his son with a quirked eyebrow, stopping Lea from stabbing his fork into the potato dish.

“Not particularly,” Lea said with a snort.Lora glowered.

“Ugh, fine,” Lea said, rolling his eyes and sitting back in his seat.He sighed and mumbled the words in one breath.“Wethankthegodsforthisbountifulfeastandprayforcontinuedprosperity.Maywecontinuetowalkinthelightandknowyourmercy.”

This time, Lora rolled her eyes, but she wouldn’t argue at the table.“Fine.Clay, dear, pass me the broccoli.”

Ilan laughed and went for the roast, serving his youngest son first.As he cut Reid's meat into child-sized pieces, he looked up at Isa."So how goes breaking into the castle?"

"Ilan!"

"What?I find it funny."

As Isa grabbed a slice of home-made bread and placed it on his plate, he cleared his throat. He thought back to what had happened that day so long ago when they met Ven. Strangely, the memories were fresh.Being in this body seemed to have some effect on his recall.

”Well, uh… We did manage to get down a hallway further than the last time.Until Lea ran face first into one of the guards." Isa gave an annoyed yet playful glance over at Lea.

The grin on Ilan's face was so familiar it sent a shiver through Isa. There was a sparkle of mischief in his own blue eyes."Well, I’d say that's an accomplishment!” 

“Don’t encourage them, dear.”Lora tried to give 'The Look' to her husband.He grinned back, completely immune.

Isa stifled a snort and turned to speak to Lora. "Don't worry, Ma'am. Lea won't get hurt, I'll make sure of it. It's all in good fun." Isa reached for the butter at the same time Lily had, and their hands bumped.

Lea’s parents were oblivious to their daughter’s little crush on Isa, mostly because Lora knew Isa liked boys since he was a child.It was the same kind of feeling she had with Avery, who came out when he started high school.A mother knew her sons, and Isa was one of them.She had probably known even before he did.Never once did she ask, but there was no need for it. 

What color was the sky?Blue.Was Isa gay?Yes.

It made no difference to her.

So while Lily blushed and pulled her hand away from Isa like she had made the biggest mistake in the world, Lora could only stare at her boys through narrowed eyes.“The men in the castle are good people.I’m not worried about either of getting hurt.You’re breaking about a hundred city protocols every time you sneak around! Captain Aeleus make sure to tell me that every time he stops by.You’re lucky he asks _me_ to tell your father for him.Obviously, I don’t.”

“Wait, you’re telling me Isa never got grounded and I always did?”Lea stopped chewing his potatoes and hung his mouth open.His mother waved her hand at him dismissively.

Lora had stopped grounding Lea years ago.No matter what punishment she tried, he always went right back to that damn castle.Although she threatened it all the time, Lora was above the idea of physically punishing her children, instead choosing to come up with creative forms of embarrassment and guilt.Nothing worked.Lea was better off getting an apprenticeship at the castle before he caused any real trouble.The royal family might not have had any remaining power in the government, but they were still a symbol that required respect.

“If you weren’t such a good influence on my son,” Lora continued, “I’d be tempted to tell him.”

Isa couldn't help but look down at his plate.He had always wondered how Piers had never found out about their plans to break into the castle.The rumors were true:not even the royal guards wanted to mess around with Piers Page.His father was worse than a curmudgeon—he was a functioning alcoholic with an undefeated local wrestling record.Had Piers found out about the boys’ shenanigans, Isa knew he was good as dead.Worse, he would never see Lea again.

Snapped from his reverie by the clinking of silverware, Isa sat straighter in his seat and moved his arms off the table politely. “I apologize, Mrs Gardener…”

"We can accept a little help with the dishes after dinner as an apology." 

For the rest of the meal, Isa was silent.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Isa was grateful to only have to dry the dishes but still did so with a frown. Every few minutes he glanced at Lea just relaxing at the table, lazy as always. Isa didn't offer much conversation to Lora and Ilan as he helped out. He was too busy in his own thoughts.

If Isa was going to be stuck in the past he needed to brush up on some things. With whom were they spending time in town, and just how much time did he have until they got stuck in the castle? If he was truly in the past, was he effecting the future right now?

Dishes done, Isa stepped over to Lea. "If I'm staying the night here I'm going to need to stop back at my house for my medication."

“You’re gonna stay over on a school night? _Scandalous_.”

In reality, Lea and Isa had stopped paying attention to the days long ago.Isa’s father only cared if his son was making noise or doing something shameful to the family name.Otherwise, Isa could have stayed at Lea’s house for a week straight and Piers might have never noticed.(In summers past, it had sometimes been longer.)If Isa made sure Lea got up in time for school and changed his underwear, Lora found Isa to be a third responsible adult in the house.The Gardeners might have actually let Isa live in their home permanently had there been space.

Lea looked out the kitchen window to the sky, which had started to turn grey from an impending storm.They had eaten an early supper and somewhere above the clouds was a five ‘o clock sun still ready to set hours later.Bedtime was hours away, but would they make it to Isa’s place and back and remain dry?

“Might as well go now then,” Lea sighed.Until now he had been leaning back at the kitchen table, head propped on his arms.Reid stayed at the table next to him, drawing quietly with crayons while the other two children had fled to their rooms.Lea ruffled his baby brother’s hair and flung himself from the chair, giving a couple of cracks to his back.

“I get the bed tonight, though.I slept funny last night,” Lea added.

Isa was reluctant to leave the comfy home, but he needed clean clothes and his medication. It was bad enough he didn't take it today, but he wasn't sure how taking it at all would affect him. As an adult, Isa took a different medicine, consider that the one he took as a teen was no longer produced. Would his body react to it as a teenager or as an adult now?

Isa was also reluctant to the idea that he would need to go back to school, though the idea of impressing everyone with his sudden years' worth of knowledge was tempting.

There was a breeze in the air as they walked towards the Page household. Isa looked up at the darkening clouds as he walked, hands in his pockets. Lea had brought one of his frisbees along, and as he walked, he rolled it from one wrist to the other over the backs of his arms, flipped it up in the air, and spun it on his fingers for practice.Once in a while, the wind knocked it over and he went chasing after it, with Isa continuing down the road ignoring his friend’s dorky hobby.

Both were happy to make the trip without much conversation, considering the morning events.Also, considering how much time they spent together, there wasn’t always a need to talk at all—especially not with the barometric shift creating a palpable static pressure on their skin.The town was starting to smell like ozone, and Lea had a feeling they would be coming back completely soaked.

With a few more blocks to spare, Isa interrupted the silence.”Hey, Lea?" Isa started. "Do you remember that episode of Galaxy Trek where Captain Jacquard time-traveled?"

“Not my favorite, but they did a decent job with the concept of time travel.”He stopped playing with his frisbee long enough to tilt his head and look at Isa curiously. “Why d'ya ask?”

"Oh uh... it was my favorite episode." Isa lied. He didn't actually even remember any of the episodes beyond a basic plot. He looked back at Lea just as a strong gust of wind hit them. Lea's frisbee went sailing into a neighbor yard.Isa chuckled softly as Lea went running after it.

He waited patiently on the side of the road for his friend. Realizing just where they were, he could see his large home just three houses down. Isa frowned, burning in his gut as he saw the bedroom window was shut. Piers knew he had snuck out.

"Lea, we gotta be fast," Isa called to his friend. As the two walked towards the gate, a deep roll of thunder rumbled in the clouds. If he had his Claymore, Isa would have felt much better about this. 

Lea was never as oblivious as he feigned.He just pretended not to notice.A lot of times, he did it to create a sense of security for Isa.One of these days, Lea would use this power of observation as Organization XIII’s assassin.When they came closer to the Page manor, Lea started to notice the telltale signs of anxiety.Isa’s shoulders were rigid.He kept staring at the window, and his gait had slowed.Even the way he breathed had changed.

"Don't touch the gate. Climb over it," Isa growled.

“Isa…” Lea said, looking at his friend with a deadpan stare.His hand hovered over the gate where it had stopped with Isa’s warning. “Your dad said or did something when I went downstairs, didn’t he?”

"He looked at me, that was enough," Isa replied, emotionless. He climbed the gate as quietly as he could. 

Isa didn't wait for Lea to catch up.He afraid of what he might do if Piers caught them. Would it be 'fight' or 'take flight'?He stepped to the front door and put his ear to it. Hearing nothing on the other side, he turned the knob. 

"It's locked," Isa grumbled. On his face was an expression of hate. It was rare as a young boy that he looked so angry.He backed away from the house and looked up at his bedroom window. Just a quick climb up the nearest tree and he'd be able to pry the window open.

“Maybe it won’t be so bad?I mean, he just made eye contact.I make eye contact with Clay every day, and he doesn’t _always_ try to kill me.”

Lea was trying to be optimistic, but when they found the front door locked, he knew that Piers was already up to something wicked.His eyes darted about for other points of entry but Isa had already decided that the quickest way to his room was the direct route.Lea was surprised that Piers had never bothered to cut the old oak outside of Isa’s room.The tree had always been their point of access.Was he waiting until the branches would no longer hold their weight?An excellent way to break your son’s bones was by allowing nature to take its course.

Isa went up first with a boost from Lea, who waited until he was on the second branch before jumping up.There was too much of a risk to test if the tree would hold their combined weights on each bough.When they came closer to the window, Lea stabilized the top branch so that Isa could jump to the windowsill.

“I hope he didn’t nail it shut again…”

The leap to the roof was easy, but not graceful. Isa slipped and caught himself before he reached the gutter. He turned towards the tree and held out a hand to catch Lea when he jumped across. Unfortunately, Lea’s suspicions had been correct.The window was nailed shut again. Isa huffed in frustration and looked around. There was nothing to break the glass.  Well, there _was_ his fist.

Isa removed his jacket and started to wrap it around his right fist. "Move back a little. I'm gonna break through."

"Wait wait wait," Lea hissed, trying to hush an anxious shout.He placed both his hands on Isa's padded fist, staying the blow.

"If you break the window, you're going to be in a million times more trouble when you finally come back.These are old-timey windows!It's real glass.Not to mention, we're gonna have _seconds_ before your dad comes up and finds us."With wide, pleading eyes, he tried burning a hole right in Isa's soul, trying to keep him from doing something reckless. Recklessness was Lea's forte, after all.

"Just let me go ring on the door and tell your dad that you had another seizure.I'll say you're at my house and you need your meds.He obviously cares a little bit if he still pays for your script.”

Isa stared at Lea for a long few moments, but Lea was right. He gave a sigh of defeat and unwrapped his fist. "Fine, we'll go with your plan. But now _you're_ the smart one, and I get to be the _pretty_ one." 

The both of them looked at each other, serious glares turning into smiles as they stifled laughter.

“But what exactly do you expect, Lea?He just gives you my medications? He's probably going to tell you to bring me home."Isa pulled his jacket back on and prepared himself to leap off the roof.

"I can be very persuading when I want to be.Also, I think your dad almost likes me more than he likes you."

Lea paused, thought on what he said, and chose not to say the thought that followed.He had set a low bar, and it was actually possible that Piers _liked_ Lea and truly _loathed_ his own son.

"Worst comes to worse," Lea continued, picking up with the enthusiasm he had abruptly dropped, "I'll just ninja my way past him, run up the stairs, and grab them from your nightstand.And then I'm pretty sure I can make it down the hallway to the back door before your dad catches up.He's...getting a bit--"

Lea was going to say fat, or deconditioned, or any word that might have made Isa chuckle, but when Isa leaped from the roof to the tree, Lea lost his balance.The last thing Isa saw before he slipped between the foliage was a set of terror-struck green eyes, illuminated by the night's first strike of lightning.Time stopped, and it felt like an eternity between the rustle of leaves, the cracks of branches, and the thud that followed two stories down.The only thing that let Isa know his friend didn't die from a broken neck was the agonized shout that pierced the eerily quiet summer eve.

Isa's heart stopped at the cry of pain from his friend. He tried to get down the tree as fast as he could. "I'm coming! I'm coming!” His voice cracked from the fear. If something horrible happened to Lea it was all his fault. What if Lea died in the past?What if he had to live his life over again without him?Isa would never survive being Saix without Axel.

Within seconds, Isa scaled down the tree and landed beside his friend.Lea was hunched over on the ground, curled up in a ball and clutching one of his arms underneath him.His body was covered in quite a few shallow bleeding cuts from the branches, and a few twigs stuck out of his messy hair. After the initial shout of pain, he had started making incoherent screams between sobs and hyperventilating breaths.

"MY —   IT'S —   AUGH!"

When Isa got closer, he saw blood running down Lea's very awkwardly bent forearm, the shaft of his radius having ripped its way through the skin.Lea was shaking and pale, and the more he screamed, he went closer to blue.

"Well I can't say you didn't have this coming," came a sinister voice from behind them.

Isa was about to comfort Lea when the voice behind him made him jump. He turned quickly to see his father. Every bit of Isa was shaking and he felt like he couldn't breathe.

Standing only five-foot-ten, Piers Page was a husky muscular man. He looked like he could lift a car and a half. His blue hair was so dark it was nearly black, and his eyes matched. There was a twinkle of satisfaction in them that terrified Isa.

"F-father." Isa blurted. He hadn't called this man his ‘Father’ in over a decade, but seeing him now, Isa felt nothing but submission. Isa partially leaned over Lea in the only way he could manage to protect him from the threat. He was suddenly aware of hot blood dripping from his nose, and he shook harder.

_No_ , he thought. _Not now_.

“Isa,” Piers growled, walked closer to him.He shook his head and closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable.“If I have to pay for any of his medical bills, I promise you’ll be the one paying me back.”

Knowing that his son was going limp, he shoved Isa to the side and let him fall to the ground.The medication worked for the most part.Isa had been a small child the last time he went into full _status epilepticus_ , and this seizure would be over in a minute. 

Overhead, thunder cracked open the sky as it started to rain.Lea’s screaming died down as the pitter-patter of rain on the leaves replaced it.The redhead had blacked out from the pain, and Mr Page carefully lifted him into his arms.He let Isa convulse in the yard, disregarding the pouring rain, while he placed the unconscious Lea in his car.As he had suspected when he returned, Isa was motionless and grunting.

“You would have been luckier if a puddle had drowned you in the two minutes I was gone,” he mumbled to his son as he hoisted Isa into his arms with much less care than he had with Lea. 

He had no idea that the son who would wake up hours later would be completely oblivious to the day’s events.Not that that would stop Piers from using the belt a good dozen times.

“If you ever leave my house through that window again, you’ll be eating through a straw the rest of your life…”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Potato here!
> 
> So, we argued about whether we could get through this fanfiction without giving surnames to canon characters. We were unable to make it work naturally and accepted defeat. We're not exactly fans of them having last names. We also debated about writing their families into the plot, but our families are the basis of our personalities. For plot reasons, you'll get to learn all about Isa's dad and Lea's family down the line.
> 
> I always imagined Lea as a middle child who got lost in the fray and sought attention elsewhere. That explains why he's such a troublemaker and gives a big brother vibe to Roxas and Xion. In order from oldest to youngest, I created Avery, Clay, Lily, and Reid, all of whom have nature-y names like their parents. (Lea means "valley", btw.) You'll get to meet the wonderful Avery in Chapter 6.


	4. A Momentary Truce

“Isa?Isa?You coming to?”

A soft groan of confusion escaped Isa’s lips. He tried to speak but only inaudible noises came from him. 

The first thing Isa noticed was how still he felt.Isa felt weak, and nausea was creeping into his chest with an icy burn.His eyelids seemed to be glued shut, and even after opening them, they felt like iron weights as he blinked several times.Lea was looming over him and Isa felt the warmth of bony hands on his shoulders.Unbeknownst to him, Lea had watched anxiously while Isa seized, and the moment he stopped, lifted his head into his lap to support his airway.Isa had nearly been choking and foaming at the mouth, and supporting him while he regained consciousness gave Lea the chance to turn him to the side if Isa suddenly vomited. 

This scene looked familiar to Isa, and it should have considering he had been here only moments ago.But to Isa it felt more like a whole day.Had it all been a dream?

The seizure had lasted four whole minutes, and Lea had been close to panicking.Radiant Garden was no longer the Radiant Garden of their childhood.The roads were destroyed, there was no reliable ambulance service, and the hospital was severely understaffed.People were still returning from the darkness in flocks every day.Had Isa gone into _epilepticus_ , he would have died, or worse:he would have come back with permanent brain damage. 

Lea had considered casting “Stop”, wondering if that would have any effect.What magic he had learned during his time in the Organization had been destructive, and even though the kids from Destiny Islands had helped him learn healing magic, he still doubted his abilities to actually _save_ a life with magic. 

“Don’t push yourself,” Lea said, brushing hair out of Isa’s sweat-dampened face. 

Isa was too weak to stop Lea from hoisting him up.It was harder now that they weren’t kids, but Lea managed the four steps to the bed with Isa’s dead weight pressed into his side.Isa was so tired, he hardly registered that he was being dragged.It only took moments for him to pass out into a deep sleep.

Nearly four hours later, the sun was barely visible on the horizon and the sky had gone gray and blue.Isa’s room was in grayscale without a light to guide the way.He slowly sat up and looked around. He was in present time again, that was obvious, with the suitcase still on the bed. Isa rubbed his turquoise eyes and let out a long yawn.

He left the room and slowly made his way down the stairs. Coffee was needed and to at least look at his medicine bottle to make sure it was near. Isa was rubbing at one eye with his palm when he stopped in the kitchen doorway and saw Lea, who did not immediately notice his presence. 

_“If you’re not coming home tonight, what do we do about food?”_

“There’s a pub.Go get nachos or something.You have munny.”

_“Axel, it was your night to cook!”_

“I’ll do it twice in a row, then, just have Xion— ah, sorry, gotta go!Lock up the house.”

Lea had been sitting at the dilapidated kitchen island, his feet propped up on the granite as he slumped further into the low-backed stool.The moment he caught movement from the corner of his eyes, he quickly hastened to turn off the screen of his phone and hang up.Roxas had still been shouting when Isa heard the _beep_ of the end-call button.

Isa grunted a hello and nodded upwards.

“Hey, you’re finally up,” he said nervously, straightening up and removing his feet from the counter.“I was… I was worried, you know.”

They had gone from fighting in the streets, to fighting in Isa’s bedroom, to a sudden blackout within an hour, and Lea was left—surprisingly—speechless.He averted his gaze and crossed his arms.

"Was it really that bad?" Isa asked, his voice hoarse. He stepped over to the brand new Kalleg Brand coffee machine he had only bought a week ago. He couldn't believe he was about to leave this baby behind. Isa popped in a little pod into the machine and chose his settings. 

“Four minutes, ten seconds.I timed it,” Lea said with a sigh. 

The moment Isa had entered the kitchen, he seemed subdued.During the few seconds of phone call Isa had witnessed with Roxas, Lea had been “Axel”.He was lazy, snarky, and “big brother” to his younger friend.Now he was hesitant, anxious, and walking on eggshells. Lea would never admit to himself that “Axel” was the mask, and the broken man in the kitchen at this moment was the real Lea.Subconsciously, he was still so comfortable around Isa that he let him see the unsavory side of “Lea”.

"I think I died,” Isa said casually, but in all seriousness, he really did think something of a near-death experience must have happened. How else would he explain a strange time-traveling nightmare?

Lea cleared his throat and tried a fake laugh.It came out a dry cough.“That’s… that’s not funny.”

Isa brushed a hand through his still long blue hair. He caught a snag and worked at it while waiting for the coffee to finish its last drips. He knew his comment wasn't funny; it wasn't supposed to be a joke. He took the mug and poured in the amount of sugar he preferred, then sipped as he walked around searching for his medication.

Lea turned and finally met Isa’s eyes, still amazed every time he found them blue.In his outstretched palm was the bottle of Isa’s anti-seizure medication.Faintly visible under the multiple burn scars covering Lea’s arm was a train-track scar trailing up his forearm. It hadn’t been there before Isa had gone down. 

“You got sixty-two days left.I… counted.”

He looked up at Lea when the other looked to him, then down at the bottle. The scar caught his eye right away, and he grabbed Lea's wrist and didn't let go. "What's that?" He pulled Lea closer to himself. "What happened?"

“Man, I can’t believe you don’t remember that one,” Lea said.When he paused, he gave thought to how it was possible.Isa’s dad had beat him to a near pulp that week.Head trauma might have completely destroyed his memory. 

“I fell out of a tree, remember?”He looked up curiously from under a pair of perfectly arched red eyebrows.“We were sneaking into your dad’s house like good ol’ times?I slipped?I had to get surgery and stay in the hospital for two days of IV antibiotics?Oh— that reminds me that I should probably try to find a surgeon to take out the plate and screws.They’re starting to feel a little loose after all these years.”The doctor had told Lea to return in two years.Unfortunately, at that point, he had been temporarily dead.

Isa remained transfixed as Lea retold the story. Everything that had just happened that day as a teen was very real and Isa had managed to affect the future by accidental. Acid burned the back of Isa's throat and he swallowed hard.

Lea started to feel conscious of the grip around his wrist, and slowly he reached up to Isa’s hand.Their fingers touched, and Lea was slow to remove them unless he broke this sacred silence between them.They were talking.They were talking and not fighting.A truce had been something so devoutly to be wished only this morning.When Lea's fingers rested over his own, Isa closed his eyes. He took in the sudden peace that washed over them in the quiet kitchen. The smell of coffee and the touch of a hand was all Isa needed.

Unmoving as a statue, Lea stared at Isa, trying to read him like he used to, but the pages were blank.It wasn’t the same book he had read in the past.Time restarted, and Lea gently pulled on Isa’s fingers.The limb reclaimed, he cradled his battered flesh in the other hand.Years of fire magic had burned his flesh and had started to cause some neuropathy. 

Isa suddenly jerked away, clearing his throat. Had it really been that long since they had felt like friends? Even so, it reminded Isa about his deep feelings for Lea that he's always had. Unfortunately, they were still there.

Isa picked up his mug. "You better get home. Your puppies need to be fed."

“Heh.”Lea smirked and crossed his arms, eyes averting to the ground. Puppies.He should have been offended, but Isa wasn’t wrong.Roxas and Xion had never existed before being Nobodies.They were still learning what it meant just to be human.Sometimes their lack of understanding amused and awed him.It was that innocence which had drawn him to them in the first place.Axel’s half-formed Nobody heart had been dark and clouded until Roxas joined. 

An instinctive hand reached to the back of his neck, and Lea subconsciously scratched.He was carefully forming the words on his lips.No one was leaving this kitchen until he knew it was safe.“I’m sorry about what I said, Isa.Please don’t disappear on me in the middle of the night.”

Isa blinked tiredly as he sipped his coffee carefully. He didn't respond right away to Lea, and instead took his time sitting on one of the barstools at the island. 

"I'm not going anywhere tonight. Especially now that I'm not medically sound. But.." He looked down into his coffee, fingers rubbing the mug for the warmth. "I would like to get out of this house. Maybe move somewhere... less haunted." He took another sip.

Lea smiled and reached out, giving Isa a hearty pat on the knee. 

“You’re telling me,” he said softly, looking up to the ceiling. 

Many of the houses—in fact, entire neighborhoods—had been completely ravaged by Maleficent and the Heartless invasion.Isa’s house had survived, but many others around it were in crumbles.A blight had taken over the land where darkness touched, and grass struggled to grow.Where there wasn’t blackened dirt, the grass dried and yellowed quickly.It would be a decade before they could forget about Hollow Bastion, but regardless, it would still take a lifetime to forget the suffering that happened in these walls.

“My…”Lea’s voice cracked.Both surprised and embarrassed by the emotion, he cleared his throat and restarted.“My parents still haven’t come back.Or Lily.Or my brothers.If you want…well, it would have to be pre-approved, but I kind of get final say.You know you were always welcome in my parents’ home.”

"Pre-approved, huh?" Isa raised a blue eyebrow. "They wouldn't look past my sudden company if I, say… showed up with pizza?" There was a hint of a smirk on Isa's lips.

There was sudden creaking on the ceiling, like footsteps upstairs. Isa's eyes shot to the ceiling but he didn't seem too concerned. "I wasn't joking about it possibly being haunted here..."

The hand on Isa’s knee squeezed as Lea grasped at his chest with the other.The shiver down his spine was visible, as was the sudden change in pallor by a whole two shades.Lea turned his head slowly to Isa and grit his teeth.

“Yeah, let’s forget the pizza,” he said seriously, his brows beginning to furrow.“I mean, we’ll get it anyway because Roxas is being a teenage boy, but you’re coming with me.Now.”

_He had been here for four hours._ Nothing had happened in this house until it started to get dark.What had night been like for Isa these last few months?He had been _sleeping_ here, in his father’s house, all alone with all the memories of his past as a constant reminder of a terrible childhood he’d suffered before a more terrible adolescence.Isa probably seized due to exhaustion alone.

“Maybe it’s just some Heartless,” Lea said reassuringly.Heartless could be killed.“But just to be on the safe side…”

"It's not a Heartless,” Isa said. He quickly drank the last of his coffee and set the mug in the sink. "I've checked every room. It's usually just noises, but it gets pretty cold in my room if I stay up late enough." 

Isa spoke like it was nothing. He was used to it by now. The first week home was a nightmare, and he was still surprised he never had a seizure from lack of sleep back then. Maybe the ghost of his father was finally trying to kill him, but months later he still hadn’t been thrown against a wall or strangled in his sleep.

“I’m going to get my suitcase.Might as well use it for the night.”

Isa casually turned and went up to his room, leaving a terrified Lea in the kitchen.He returned downstairs in minutes, finding him frozen in the same exact spot, his eyes wide with paranoia. 

"You look terrified."

“I _am_ terrified,”Lea growled.“Your dad was a fucking lunatic!If he’s a ghost, he’s a bad ghost!”

Lea had been too anxious to go upstairs with Isa, but being left in the kitchen made him more anxious with every footstep he had heard above him.He hoped they were Isa’s. By the time Isa returned, he was hugging his elbows and looking over his shoulder.He rushed closer to Isa, grabbed his free arm, and started leading the berserker to the foyer. 

Was he getting colder?Did the lights just blink?At that moment, another banging happened down the hallway, and Lea screamed, pulling Isa closer to the door.

“Go go go!We’ll come back and burn the place down tomorrow.”

Isa let out an exasperated sigh but allowed himself to be lead to the front door. When they were outside, Isa pulled his arm away from Lea. "You better not have walked here, otherwise you're carrying the suitcase." Isa turned and locked the front door.

Lea sighed and looked at the suitcase, then back to the house.He was reconsidering his options.

“Isa,” Lea looked at his friend sardonically.“Remember how I grew up poor?My driving options are my mom’s old mini-van, which was eight years old when you and I—“Lea wasn’t sure which word to use.Kidnapped was possible, but that implied the year of torture they suffered in that castle laboratory and Lea wasn’t going to bring up the past while they were getting along so well.

“The car is almost twenty years old now, has survived a Heartless apocalypse, and the engine sounds like twenty screaming Donald Ducks.I took the tram.”

Grabbing the suitcase, Lea forcefully hoisted it over his back and grunted.He was already accepting his fate as the pack mule, but he hoped Isa hadn’t been serious about the pizza.

"Wait, wait." Isa grabbed one handle on the suitcase and held it between the two of them. They could at least share the weight until they made it to the nearest tram station.He let Lea take the lead. 

“I don’t suppose we’d survive a Corridor of Darkness without our coats, huh?”

"We would survive. It would just be incredibly damaging to our bodies,” Isa replied.

Was that Isa’s classic sarcasm he had just hurt?Lea smirked, and happy to share the load of the suitcase, they walked down the dark and desecrated road in unison.Even though the old blossoming trees were dead and barren, lining the broken asphalt like skeletons, the road hardly seemed so scary now that they were together.

As realization dawned on his face, however, Lea stopped and blinked before bursting out into laughter.It started as a low chuckle, burst into giggles, and turned into wheezing belly laughter as he had to bend over.

“What’s so funny?”Isa stopped.

“Radiant Garden is a dump!We live in a dump, and I’m still poor!”He snorted and continued to giggle, seeing the irony in his macabre humor. “You’d think after some evil fairy-queen destroys our landmarks and takes over, the economy would be different when we came back!But nope!I’m broke as shit and I take a tram to work!And I have to feed two children!And you ask if I _drove_ here.”

Isa stood there holding the suitcase even after Lea's side of it was dropped to the ground. He watched Lea with a stern judgmental expression. He didn't even twitch at anything Lea laughed about.

"Is that supposed to be funny?Our home is destroyed. I don't see anything funny about it."He dropped the suitcase and knew his look had been sheer disgust by the way his lip involuntarily curled."You can take the weight then, since you're such an idiot." 

Shattered.Simply put, the moment had been shattered.Lea was left sobered with what felt like a slap in the face as Isa took off down the road without him.He had been tearing up from the laughter, but now his eyes were dry as a bone as if they sucked back all the tears.Lea stopped dead in the middle of the road, still hunched over, unsure if he should even follow.

There it was.Guilt.Isa felt that sickening feeling in his stomach again and had to stop and glance back at Lea.His blue eyes gave away his feelings, but he couldn't manage to say sorry to Lea.How could he have been through everything they had and still laugh away all of his problems?Between Inappropriate emotions at the wrong times and denying he had any problems at all, Lea was almost as immature as he had been before they ever became Axel and Saix.

Ignoring your problems was not the way to “move on” with life.

Lea hung his head and frowned when Isa looked back at him.Once again he took the suitcase and hoisted it over his back.It was clear that Isa was not abandoning his things and taking off into the night, but Lea almost regretted that he was now coming home with him.The tram ride and the rest of the walk home were going to be hell.

“Yeah,” he whispered under his breath.“I know.”

 

 

 

 


	5. A Stolen Kiss

The return trip to the old Gardener home had been a silent one after Isa and Lea’s disagreement.

Lea had accepted the burden of the suitcase the rest of the way home—not that Isa offered paid him much heed—but he refused to carry it up the steps when they finally entered the house.  After getting off at the nearest tram stop, it was a good ten blocks before they reached Lea’s house. He was sweating and gasping when they entered the doorway. Isa’s things were abandoned at the bottom of the stairwell, and Lea gave him curt instructions:  Isa would take Avery’s old room next to the master bedroom. Currently, Roxas had been sleeping in Lea’s old room, Xion in Lily’s, and Lea in his parents’. The rest of the Gardener family was still MIA since the fall of Radiant Garden. Lea, Roxas, and Xion had been living in the free space for close to six months, waiting for their possible return.

To put it kindly, Roxas had been  _ “pissed off” _ that Lea was returning with “SaÏx,” but it appeared the newcomer was here to stay.  Lea had texted both Roxas and Xion about their new guest on the tram ride home, to which Xion obliged without much argument.  Roxas had put up a fight and eventually stopped returning texts. He claimed that their household democracy was unfair, refusing to admit that two against one was a fair vote.  

The boy came running to the door when he heard it open, and seeing their guest, glared at Xemnas’s former right-hand before giving an even angrier look to Lea.  He turned on his heels and grumbled on his way through the foyer to the kitchen, loudly announcing to Xion of their arrival. The wound that Axel left by lying about Xion’s origins was still fresh.  Of course, the two had reconciled, but Roxas liked giving Lea a hard time for any reason he could. Taking up the mantle of little brother with pride, he used every chance he got to give him hell.

“Well fine.  I guess he can sleep here, but he can’t join the Cool Kids Club.  We’re at maximum occupancy.”

“Roxas, you’re like the least cool kid here.”

“Oh please!  I used to wield  _ two _ Keyblades.  I was the coolest kid in the Organization.”

“Your competition was a kid with an Eighty’s hairstyle that played a  _ sitar _ , the chemistry lab nerd who had a creepy relationship with his adoptive dad, and the girl that looked differently depending on who you were.”

“Let’s not forget that you were also the shortest,” Isa interjected with a snort.  Although they had just argued half an hour ago, he got a laugh out of Lea.

Roxas flipped up a middle finger as he disappeared behind a wall.  “Just take your pizza and leave me alone, jerks.” 

“Nice to see you too,” Isa grumbled before taking his suitcase upstairs.

Xion and Roxas had just gotten back with their take-out order: one large pepperoni pizza,  one large bacon-and-pineapple pizza (“It’s salty but sweet like the ice cream, Xion”), two dozen hot wings, a box of breadsticks, and a cookie cake.  Lea had been stunned and slightly irritated by this massive binge, but at least there was now plenty to share. He followed Roxas through the kitchen to the living room, trying to beg for forgiveness rather than permission.  Roxas was still having none of it.

“Whatever.  I don’t actually care if he’s here, but I’m not going to go out of my way to be nice if he keeps up on the height jokes.”  Roxas slumped onto the couch next to Xion, a pout on his face and a plate of pizza in his lap. “Also: I’m keeping my room.”

“Fine!  You little twerp,”  Lea shouted after him from the kitchen.  “Grace, grace. Bless this food, yadda-yadda,” he grumbled, slurping an entire slice of pizza into his mouth within seconds.  

Isa returned from upstairs and made himself comfortable in the love seat, separate and distanced from the couch.  Despite their bickering, Lea joined Roxas and Xion on the couch and sprawled out between them, an arm behind each like the protective big brother he had become.  The television was turned to an old sci-fi movie that had come out the summer Lea and Isa became Axel and SaÏx. Instantly, the trio began laughing and making inside jokes while watching the movie.  Isa felt his heart stir at the image but said nothing. Lea had told him time and time again that this jealousy was unfounded. Lea’s friendship with Roxas was “different,” so he had been told, but Lea didn’t seem to realize it didn’t hurt any differently when he remembered how close they had been.  Isa turned his attention to the TV and tried to ignore their laughter.

Xion, who had little interaction with “SaÏx” since they all returned to Radiant Garden, waved quietly from her seat on the couch.  Although she didn’t strike up conversation with the berserker, she got up twice during the movie to offer him the hospitality Roxas had not.  He refused their food, but he did take a blanket with the slightest nod of thanks. The smile she gave him almost melted his icy heart and insecurities.   _ Almost.  _  It was the first sign he had been welcome at all since snapping at Lea in the street.

Considering his friendship with Lea, Xion had expected Isa to move in sooner or later.  Their arguments and complicated past meant nothing in the face of their long-standing friendship.  After all, Lea had vouched for Isa when the Radiant Garden Restoration Effort met to decide his fate half a year ago.  Lea was the reason that Isa was allowed to work in such an esteemed position. (His experience with management helped, but others had been turned off by his experience with an organization bent on evil).  It was Lea, with only the help of Sora, who stood up against the Wielders of Light and Ansem’s apprentices to convince them that Sa Ï x’s actions were not Isa’s.  Xion trusted Lea with all of her new heart, and that meant Isa was “okay” in her book.

Isa remained in his spot for two hours and hadn't noticed how he managed to twist into a blanket burrito with the throw that Xion had given him. Every time he had been offered food he refused, mostly due to how warm his hands were. If he moved them they would get cold.  Isa was content with this new life as a living decorative pillow.

For those two hours, he hadn't held much conversation, choosing to dissociate as he stared at the screen.  The only light was the distant yellow glow from the kitchen, and the television cast a dancing blue haze over everyone, lulling them all into eventual silence.  Roxas was the first to fall asleep, falling away from the other two and drooling on the armrest. Lea’s head tilted back and he began snoring. Xion, despite having the most comfortable position with her head on Lea’s lap, was wide awake as Isa’s stomach grumbled loudly over the credits. The berserker started to sit upright and pay attention to what was going on around him. Until he heard it, Isa had been unaware of the hungry ache in his stomach.  He started to unfold from his blanket and come out, like a butterfly from the cocoon. A very sleepy, hungry butterfly.

Roxas and Lea lost to oblivion, Xion stood up once again and approached Isa, her head canted curiously to the side.

“You don’t have to starve yourself.”

Isa was mid-stretch when Xion spoke to him. He had stopped glaring at the girl months ago, but he still wasn't ever happy to interact with her.  Being alone in a room with Xion actually made Isa feel nervous, and he knew why. Isa hadn't been the kindest to her.

“I’m aware,” he mumbled a response, finally standing from his seat and making his way for the kitchen. 

The boys had demolished the meal, and Xion had only been able to get through four slices of the pineapple pizza.  Pineapple on pizza was an option he refused to acknowledge as real food, so Isa found only one slice of pepperoni pizza left, a few stray wings, one cheese stick, and no cookie cake.  He made a plate for his small meal, using paper so Lea wouldn't have to do much work for Isa's presence, and took a lone seat at the table. From his spot, he could see Roxas and Lea through the archway, the latter still snoring.  Isa was pretty sure Lea had suffered a deviated septum years ago during a mission from the sound of it.

Xion kept her distance for Isa’s comfort but followed him into the kitchen, cleaning up as he took his food.  Every once in a while, she would look into the living room and check on her boys. 

"How can you live with them?”  Isa snorted, allowing a little snark in his tone. “They’re both obnoxious."

Xion chuckled, politely holding a hand in front of her mouth.  She closed the refrigerator door behind her and continued to smile.  “They’re  _ boys _ .  I… I don’t really know what that means, actually, but Roxas seems pretty normal.  Like Sora. He’s a lovable goofball. And Axel?” She tilted backward through the kitchen entryway and peered into the living room.  Lea was twitching in his sleep, which made her frown.

“ _ Lea _ ,” she corrected herself, “is a good guy under all of it.  He obviously just acts obnoxious to hide other things. They both mean well.  Plus, they're really all I've ever known.”

Isa was silent for a few minutes as he ate. He thought about Lea and looked more intently at his sleeping figure.  He hadn’t ever bothered to truly look at Lea in years. Lea really did mean well, but Isa had always dished out sarcasm to his wild antics.  Maybe after so many years of Isa’s oppressive cynicism, Lea  _ had _ learned to laugh when he meant to cry and insult when he really wanted to love.

He cleared his throat, choosing to change the topic on his mind. "It means they'll be terrible. Boys are the worst." He grinned at Xion, giving her a kind look for the first time. "Lea and I were the worst boys in Radiant Garden. If things started looking calm, we would find a way to rile things up again."

“I believe you wholeheartedly,” Xion said softly, and then, remembering she actually had a heart, grinned and placed a hand over her chest.  When she had been nothing but a puppet, there hadn’t been a single malicious bone in her fake body. Xion had been a fourteen-year-old boy’s memories of an innocent crush.  Even when she had been pitted against Roxas time and time again, bullied by the other Organization members, used as a tool, and erased like software, she remained respectful and considerate.  The way she looked at Isa now, it was clear she held no ill will, regardless of what he had done.

“I don’t mind the trouble.  Or any heartache they might cause one day.  I love them.” Xion sat down at the table and picked the crumbs from the cookie box.  She licked the chocolate off of one of her thumbs.

"It's worth it.  The friendship, I mean," Isa mumbled as he looked down at his food. He found it hard to look at Xion when she gave such a kind look back. He didn't feel he deserved forgiveness from anyone—not that he wanted any from the majority of the Organization. If Roxas never bothered to talk to him, Isa would be just fine about it, but with Xion, Isa had trouble.  Xion had been giving Isa guilt for months. If he was going to stay in Radiant Garden he had to solve this problem.

"Xion,” he broke the comfortable silence. "Why are you so nice to me?"

“Hn?”  The girl looked at him, perplexed.  “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Xion smiled and blinked slowly, inhaling deeply through her nose.  When she sighed, she opened her eyes. Ever since she was given her own body, her own heart, and her own personality, she savored every moment.  She still sometimes waited anxiously for the day she started to fade or people forgot her. To be here and remembered was precious.

“I realize you’re not SaÏx, Isa,” she said at last.  “And even when you were, I only realized too late why you were mean to me.  Until Sora brought me back, I didn’t know everyone had seen someone different.   Lea told me that I used to look like Namine to him. What did you see, by the way?”

Isa cleared his throat.  “I… uh… I didn’t see a face.”

“Exactly.  When I was Number Fourteen, I was  _ created _ .  In a  _ lab. _  I didn’t have a past, and I didn’t have a heart to chase after.  Dilan and Aeleus told me they only ever saw a faceless puppet, too.  You didn’t intend to be mean. You just didn’t realize I was turning into a Somebody.”

Isa hadn't realized Xion understood everything so well.  He stared at her in wide-eyed shock, feeling a weight removed from his chest.  It was immensely relieving to know he wouldn't have to try and explain himself.  He bit his lip, debating if he should apologize. Did he even have to apologize if he had been half-Xehanort at the time?

“I… Xion, I…”  The words wouldn’t come out.  Sorry was so hard to say. He felt as if he had prematurely exhausted all of his sorries when he had been returned to this life.  

“It’s okay.  I know,” she said with a sagely nod.

Xion took nothing personally from Isa’s response, nor did she expect an apology immediately.  It wasn’t even a year since Master Xehanort was defeated, and everyone was still struggling to come to terms with the fact that they could actually  _ rest _ .  Everyone from the group was anxious and expecting something terrible to befall them.  They all needed time to heal.

Isa finished his food and stood, taking care of his trash without a word. He looked over his shoulder at Xion one last time before returning to the small couch and his blanket nest. He stepped past Lea and Roxas, still together on the same couch, and locked his eyes on the boy. Everyone was transitioning to a domestic life, but to Isa, it still felt like Lea gave Roxas more attention.  Mood shot, Isa replaced his contented expression with a light glare and wormed his way back into the blanket. He faced away from the redhead and tried to force himself to sleep, but his eyes continued to wander in Lea’s direction.

Lea’s sleeping position was stiff and unnatural.  He remained sitting upright, but his head had bent as it rested on the back of the couch, putting an angle to his windpipe and exacerbating his snores.   Occasionally the hand propped up on the couch twitched; sometimes it was his upper lip. Several minutes after Isa had taken his place back on the love seat, Lea’s face started to contract and contort as his respirations increased.

Xion had just turned off the lights in the kitchen when Lea let out a muted groan.    “He has nightmares all the time,” she whispered sadly, not sure how to approach the couch.  “I woke him up once and… I know he didn’t mean to, but he almost killed me before he realized where he was.”

Isa shuffled in his seat and looked more intently at Lea as Xion spoke.  As much as he wanted to go to Lea, he couldn't, especially not in front of the teens. Isa had gained a reputation of being a loner, and he wasn't sure he wanted to change that just yet.

"You shouldn't wake anyone from a nightmare,” he said, pulling his blanket up to his chin. He shut his blue eyes for a long moment, then continued to speak. "No matter what your demons, they'll follow you for life…”

Xion frowned further at Isa’s sentiments.  She didn’t want to believe him about the demons, but she couldn’t help but agree that it was better to leave Lea alone.  Slowly, she inched towards the uninhabited half of the couch, when Lea started to fight harder against his dreams. Like a child playing “Red Light, Green Light” she froze with a foot in midair and hand outstretched as Lea tossed his head to the other side with a more audible grumble.  Without any tell, he suddenly bolted forward, eyes open wide as he clutched his chest and gasped.

Roxas slept through anything.  He lay unaffected and dead to the world with his head on the armrest.  Lea met Xion’s eyes, then Isa’s. Still struggling to catch his breath and reorient, he pressed down on his knees, bolted upright, and started taking off for the foyer.  

“Ax— Lea?”

“I’m going out.”

“But it’s past midnight.”

“I’ll be fine…”

Isa threw his blanket into the air.  He was on his feet in seconds and grabbing his shoes. "Lea wait!" he called, too late after the door had shut. Isa hopped on one foot, getting his second shoe on as he made his way to the door.

He stood with one hand on the knob and turned around.  Xion had followed. "Don't leave the house, and uh... get to bed." This was the most parenting he would be doing in his life.

Isa stepped outside and shut the door behind himself. 

"Lea,” he called out softly, watching the scene from the door.

Lea didn’t appear to be going anywhere fast.  He was pacing in odd patterns, making loop-de-loops and direct, heavy steps towards the gate.  He ran his hands through his hair, which was the only soft thing he could touch for comfort. Receiving none, he shook his hands out at his sides and shoved them into his pockets.  Radiant Garden always seemed a little colder now that the foliage had been wiped out, but it must have been moreso to Lea who wore nothing but lightweight khakis and a sleeveless shirt.  The crisp air of impending autumn was causing goosebumps to prickle on his skin. 

Isa was always a man who preferred colder weather. He felt no real chill in the air, but he was already lucky enough to be wearing a long-sleeved shirt and blue jeans. The bluenette stood and watched Lea in silence for a moment, gauging the situation.  Without any plan formulated, he threw caution to the wind and began to approach without a word. He walked over to Lea and moved to stand in his direct view. 

Lea was hunched over, eyes clenched tight and hyperventilating by the time Isa caught up to him.  He tried to focus on the brisk air and remind himself that he was alive—that whatever nightmare he had just been in wasn’t real.

“I’m fine, Isa.  I’m fine. Really.”  His tone was clipped from concentration.  “Go back inside. It’s cold.” 

"Remember when we were kids, and I'd have a nightmare sleeping over at your place?" Isa paused, making sure Lea was paying attention. "You always helped me. Let me help you."

“What, are we gonna hug it out?”  He murmured sardonically. Isa hadn’t hugged him in years.  

Isa hadn't actually thought this through.  He had forgotten how there were consequences of being a good friend.  He took half a step away from Lea, looking to the grass beside them, one hand on the back of his neck.

"Well, I didn't... um..." His ears burned with embarrassment.

Lea’s parents had been liberal, touchy-feely people.  They had raised him to be unafraid of showing emotion, but somewhere along the line, he had unlearned and forgotten.  It felt strange to be on the opposite end of this. Isa was the one with the traumatic childhood; normally, he had been the one with bad dreams and mental demons.  When they were young enough that they still shared a bed during sleepovers, Lea would pull Isa back down to the mattress and squeeze him. Sometimes he would tell a stupid joke or sing a line from a cheesy song.  When they got older and such behavior was “inappropriate” according to Isa’s father, he still hugged Isa and let him rationalize through the fears. Now Lea could only blush in embarrassment when he opened his eyes and found Isa’s intense stare.  A shiver ran up his spine, and he wasn’t sure it was the wind.

Isa closed his eyes, hand dropping to his side.  Maybe the jump to the past was a reminder of who he once was. Isa wanted to be so innocent again.  He wanted to be Lea's friend again.

“Yeah, you didn’t— _ oof _ !”  Lea was suddenly pulled into a hug, the words literally choked out of him.

Lea hadn’t been expecting Isa to do such a thing, especially not after Isa had called him an idiot earlier in the night.  His back stiffened, his stomach lurched, and his heart raced. The sudden shock alone made him forget he had come out here after a nightmare.  Lea’s hands were initially lost and floating behind Isa—fingers gnarled and tense as they searched for something to grab—but he relaxed and wrapped his arms around Isa’s back.  Their heights matched well enough that his chin rested comfortably on Isa’s shoulder. Lea suddenly let out all of the air in his lungs like air from a balloon. He hadn’t realized just how tensely he had been holding everything.

“Nice shampoo,” Lea whispered with a snort.

"Don't ruin this,” Isa warned, though there was a tone of amusement in his voice. His arms tightened around Lea's waist, and he almost shut his eyes until movement from the window caught his attention.

Isa glared at the two teens in the window watching them.  He waved at them with an arm, gesturing them to go away. He mouthed the words too, trying to give them a glare that would frighten them.

“Ruin what?  Just two bros, hugging it out,” Lea said, his smile audible even though Isa couldn’t see his face.  “Sniffing some hair—do I detect patchouli? Having a good time in a barren yard under a full moon. Good old creepy stuff like we used to do.”

Running his mouth off was Lea’s worst habit.  He didn’t know when to shut up. The more he talked, he started to chuckle and hyperventilate between words, much like he had earlier.  Now that Isa was closer, he could hear and feel the difference. Lea’s shoulders shook with his diaphragm, and his breath hitched next to Isa’s ear.  He pulled tighter on the berserker’s shoulders as his voice cracked, using the hug to hide his face. 

He really  _ was _ hiding his tears.

Isa's attention was suddenly pulled away from the observers.  Both arms around Lea again, Isa nuzzled into Lea's neck as his whimpers vibrated through Isa's chest.   Isa had never been good at reading anyone, so if Lea needed comfort this badly it must have been a long time coming.

One hand slipped into Lea's long red hair and stroked slowly.  He didn't know what else to say or do. Then he remembered the words he always heard when Lea cared for him during seizures:

"I'm here."

Hearing those two little words, Lea let out a sob, quickly burying his face into Isa’s shoulder to muffle his cries.  He had to bite his lip and ball a fist to force the words.

“They’re… they’re gone!  Isa, they’re not coming back!  My f-family...”

Isa stiffened momentarily at the cry. When Lea started talking, Isa hid his face further in Lea's neck. He shut his eyes tight, trying to stop the tears from coming.  If they both cried, it was over. This was Lea’s time to share his feelings instead of hiding them from the world.

A shuddering sigh and a cough.  A sniffle. Isa’s shirt was now soaked underneath Lea’s face.

“I…  I don’t know who I am anymore.  Th-the Organization was half of my l-life!  And— And—“

Lea coughed.  Isa continued to remain silent, rubbing his friend’s back.

“I… I just want my mom...”

The tears overtook Lea, and his knees buckled underneath him.  Isa helped him to the ground, still hugging tightly. His own knees were weak with emotion and he didn't know if he could stand much longer.  As they came crashing to a kneel, Isa was carrying all of Lea’s weight. 

Isa pulled out of the hug and looked at Lea, wiping his palms across his cheeks.  He found himself silently weeping, no longer able to hold the tears at bay. 

"I'm sorry," he croaked.  Isa didn’t know if he was apologizing for Lea's loss, for their loss of friendship, or for everything they had gone through.  He wished he could express all of this, but language failed to have the words for what he felt. He wanted Lora, too.

Lea looked devastated by the sudden lack of warmth.  He reached up and sought purchase in Isa’s hair, clinging at any part to keep him from moving farther away.  His eyes were glistening with tears. Caught in the angle of the moonlight, they were so vibrantly green in stark contrast to his burning, reddened eyes, they almost glowed.  His thunderstruck gaze met Isa’s with a soul-piercing intensity.  _ Don’t let go,  _ it said. _ Come back. _

Isa leaned back in and pressed his forehead to Lea's.  “I’m here,” he repeated.

To have Isa back after all these years, human and tangible—his friend with an actual heart—Lea felt as if he was returning to the past.  His head buzzed and his ears rang, clouding his judgment. All the years he had known this man, and he had never once kissed him.  _ It would ruin the friendship _ , he had told himself.   _ Isa would get hurt. _

_ Fuck it,  _ Lea thought. __ Isa had already been hurt.  _ He _ had already been hurt.  

Lea closed his eyes again and let the tears dry out on his face.  He still found solace in Isa’s hair, hands making their way up from broad shoulders, the back of Isa’s neck, and finally to his crown.  Lea ran a thumb on one of Isa’s ears as he dug his fingers deeper and pulled. A soft whimper escaped him as he pressed his lips to Isa’s.

Isa froze in Lea’s arms, eyes still open as it registered.  Lea was kissing him.  _ Lea _ was kissing  _ him _ !  It was soft—gentle, even—as he lightly captured Isa’s lower lip between his own.  The way Lea’s thumbs rubbed at his ears, everything felt so… innocent. Sweet.  _ Uncertain _ .  Isa had wanted to kiss this man for years, but never even confessed an ounce of interest.  Just like Lea, he had worried about ruining their friendship. Tonight, Lea had taken a risk.  

Isa closed his eyes, hands running through Lea's hair.  He didn't break contact. In fact, he pushed further into the kiss, parting Lea’s lips with a nudge.  Lea moaned and opened his mouth, their tongues clashing hungrily. Isa devoured him, tears still running down his cheeks.  These were tears of relief, having finally allowed some deep feelings to come to the surface. 

Suddenly Isa couldn't help himself.  He stopped kissing Lea only to push the redhead backward into the grass.  He straddled Lea's torso and bent over him. Their lips locked together again.  Lea was normally the dominant personality, and he usually took charge, but this was Heaven.  Isa was taking control of him and all he had to do was react.

_ You have to stop this _ .  The thought tickled at Lea’s subconscious.  They had both been hurt, yes, but they were both going to get hurt  _ again _ .

Lea pushed the thought to the back of his mind.  It might have just been the feeling of something shiny and new, but Isa tasted better than what he had ever imagined.  His lips were like velvet, delightfully contrasting with the calloused hands that rubbed at his body. He couldn’t stop.  He enjoyed Isa’s hands—the whole weight of him. He wanted to be engulfed and disappear in this warmth.

_ This won’t work. _

He tried to ignore the voice, but it started to get louder.  Why wouldn’t it work? It made sense. Lea and Isa. Isa and Lea.  They had always been inseparable. Why would he stop this?

_ Because you love him. _

Isa stopped, laughter coming up from his chest. He pulled away from Lea’s lips and rested his forehead to Lea's with a chuckle. This was all too hilarious to Isa.  The whole day had started as a nightmare, but suddenly it was turning into a dream come true.

_ You can’t make this last. _

Two solitary tears slowly rolled down the sides of Lea’s face when Isa pulled away and laughed.  Lea was quiet and stared up with a smile that didn’t match his eyes. A yearning hand reached out and brushed one of the tears off Isa’s face.  His brows furrowed apologetically, and he looked more broken than when he had been crying. He had actually thought, for one moment, that he had fixed the cracks in his heart.

“Isa,”  Lea whispered through trembling lips.  “I...I love you. But... we can't do this.  You know we can’t. This won’t end the way we want it to.”

Isa went quiet. Soft blue eyes slowly hardened, and his expression was a rollercoaster of emotions. Joy quickly turned to sadness, then pain, then ending in anger.  Isa sat up, still sitting on Lea's hips. 

“You’re joking.”

Lea bit his lip and reached up to clutch at his chest, bracing the throbbing, traitorous organ inside of it.  “I’m not. I...shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.”

"I'm going to bed," Isa said bluntly. He got to his feet, stumbled a few feet away, and stopped to give Lea one last hollow look of disbelief.  Lea didn’t meet his eyes. Without another word, Isa strode across the yard and shut the door with a click of intense finality. Radiant Garden seemed to go silent without him.

Lea pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, wishing he had gouged them out before he rejected Isa.  That pained expression had burned on his retinas, and he would still see that abject misery in his dreams tonight—rather, nightmares.

He remained on the grass for a long time, staring up at the moon until his eyes dried up.  By the time he went to bed, his body was frostbitten. At least he was numb on the outside.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Potato here. 
> 
> Xion is a perfect child and I see her completely accepting anything that has or will happen to her. Seeing as she's also a science project, I feel like Vexen would have programmed her with a baseline amount of logic and sensibility. She's going to be our mature Perfect Child for the rest of the fic (well, except for one chapter).
> 
> Anyway, this happened on our Discord server:
> 
>  
> 
> SoManyPotatoes: 20,000 WORDS... TIME FOR A KISS SCENE. Wait. Shit. Not exactly. BUT CLOSE ENOUGH.  
> Kittie (one of our beta readers): So 40,000 words. Time for butt stuff.  
> SoManyPotatoes: Sounds like a plan!
> 
>  
> 
> So... stay tuned. >:)


	6. Thirteen Going on Thirty

Isa shut his file cabinet, sealing away yet another budget disaster that had been fixed at the last minute.  It was now far past business hours on a Friday, and Isa was just leaving his office in Radiant Garden's City Hall.  Rather, it was his father's old office, now renovated and repurposed for the Radiant Garden Restoration Effort. Isa continued to prove himself perfect for a job he didn’t think he deserved.  Today, he spent most of his time on budgeting and stayed later than the current chairman, Squall Leonhart. After reviewing all of the data, Isa had found an additional two hundred thousand munny to put towards repaving Main Street.  Lea had been right about one thing. Saïx—and ultimately Isa—knew how to micromanage an organization with multiple goals.

Lea.  That bastard.

It had been nearly a week since Isa managed taking even thirty seconds to think of Lea.  He had slept in his assigned room that Saturday as requested, but he woke early the next morning and left without a word.  When he returned to the “Old Manse," he didn’t bother sending Lea a simple text message to say where he was. Lea didn’t ask, either.  Apparently this was going to be a standoff. The one good thing about their jobs was that, even though they were both part of the Restoration, they worked in different sectors.  Lea was on the front lines, and Isa stayed behind closed doors, making phone calls, having meetings, and sorting through the secrets of old computers every day. Since Lea’s grave error in judgment, they hadn’t crossed paths, let alone been forced to talk about the elephant in the room.

Isa swung his laptop bag over his shoulder.  A chill ran down his spine as he locked the door behind him.  Being in the office gave him the same feeling his house did at 3am:  cold and haunted. “Piers Page” was still on the office nameplate, and as usual, the old man still haunted Isa wherever he went, even in death.  The name felt like slime on his tongue, and everywhere he went where Piers had touched, Isa felt dirty. He felt like he had to scrub himself raw in the shower just to be free of his overbearing presence.  When he didn’t, he felt like Piers’ essence poisoned his soul. Over the last few days, he felt himself becoming what he was in Organization XIII. He hadn’t said a single polite thing to anyone, and just today he had overheard two of his colleagues whispering how he reminded them of his father.  Isa had been feeling sick since lunch. He was more than happy to be free of his workplace.

The days were getting shorter in Radiant Garden, and Isa was just catching the last minutes of twilight.  He took his time walking home, breathing in the crisp air and letting it purify him. Isa savored every moment of tranquility, veering to take the longer routes around the construction that slowly fixed the streets. His own street was recently paved, being in the “rich” district of the City.  It would be a few months until work started in the West District where Lea lived.

Thinking of that accursed redhead again, Isa considered veering off the path and going towards his old friend’s home.  His feet still knew the way, and a three-kilometer walk remained nothing to his body, despite the age and injuries catching up to it.  However, Isa kept his path with a stalwart face and shoved his hands into his jacket pockets. He would be damned if he made the first move.  Lea made a mistake, and it was on him to apologize and own up to it. Isa was going to forget about him until he learned a lesson. By the time Isa crossed the threshold into his cold and empty abode, the thoughts of Lea had fled his mind, replaced by the calming solitude of an autumn night.  Or so he thought.

Hours later, Isa found himself making his second cup of coffee.  He was glad to be off the next day, because that meant sleep wasn't a priority.  On most work nights, he would barely manage to finish cleaning after dinner before he was forced to retire.  Tonight, Isa allowed himself the luxury of sitting in one of the two large living rooms with a new crime novel and the thermostat cranked up to a balmy 23.5 degrees.  Even though the house creaked and thumped around him, he had all of the lights on. The golden glow almost made it feel like a home. Then, before he knew it, Isa was on the final page with the same emptiness he felt with every book he finished.  All his attempts at comfort were in vain.

Isa stared at spots in the room trying to think of ways to pass the time, but he couldn’t turn anywhere without seeing old memories playing out like movies in his head.  The ghosts of a younger Lea and Isa were sprawled out on the large rug in front of the fireplace, playing with stuffed animals and toy cars. Over by the loveseat, an older pair of the same miscreants were having a pillow fight while Piers was out for a few hours.  On the bench of the bay window, Lea sat with his arm around Isa’s shoulders while they talked about girls (and boys, in Isa’s case).

“I live a lonely life, don’t I?”  The house seemed to creak in agreement.

Isa stood with his book, intending to find a home for it on the shelf, but he noticed a halo around the lamp light.  His vision started twisting and making fractions of light like rainbows and sunbeams in his field of view.

"Shit," Isa breathed.  He quickly set his book on the coffee table and laid back on the couch just as the blood began dripping down his nose.  The last thing he remembered was his vision going black before he lost control of his body.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Young blue-green eyes fluttered open to blinding white light. Isa blinked several times, and he was suddenly aware of little wet snowflakes landing on his face. His vision slowly focused on a much younger Lea kneeling over him.  This Lea was even younger than the last time Isa had been brought to the past. He had more freckles when they were younger, and from age ten to thirteen, he had braces.

“Isa!  Oh my gods, Isa.  I’m so sorry!”

Lea’s voice cracked as he started laughing and bent over, his head pressed against Isa’s chest.  Twelve-year-old Lea didn’t seem to be so sorry. The fuzzy orange pom-pom on his snow hat bobbed in unison with his snorts, and he pounded a fist on the snow next to them.

Several meters away, their sled had lodged itself into a snowbank.  It stood straighter than the legendary Sword in the Stone. With the force required to break through packed snow like that, they must have been going thirty kilometers per hour.  Recent memories in this body started to trickle back into Isa’s mind.

It was the first day of Yule vacation.  Lea and Isa had met up to go sled riding after last night’s snowstorm.  Lea had been in charge of the front of their sled, leaving Isa to his mercy and horrible driving.  They had hit a patch of ice halfway down the hill, spun out of control, and both of them went flying off an outcropping of rock.  They landed on a pile of fresh powder, but whereas Lea had been facedown and used his arms to skid to a halt, Isa had landed on his back and buttocks, smacked his head off the ground, and bounced to a stop.  

Isa knew exactly where he was at this point.  This jerk had given him the worst headache in his life and a million bruises over his body just in time for Yule.   Lea was lucky the snow had been fresh and soft, padding their fall and preventing a serious concussion. The shock from the landing and the adrenaline coursing through his veins had caused a mild seizure, however.  

Lea noticed the blood under Isa’s nose.  Considering Isa was already awake and seemed to be pretty oriented, his seizure must have lasted less than thirty seconds.  Lea had only been down for about two minutes before he grew accustomed to the pain and stood.

Face still pressed to Isa’s chest, Lea turned his head to the side looked into Isa’s hazy blue eyes, the impish smirk transitioning into a concerned stare.  

“You okay, buddy?  For real, I’m sorry.  Let’s not do that again.”  

At first, seeing Lea’s face made Isa angry.  He would have tried to hit him if he had the strength. Luckily, that sweet, innocent laughter reminded Isa that this Lea had not yet done anything wrong. This was the Lea that Isa loved.  But if Lea confessed his love for him in the future, at what point did it start?

Isa shut his eyes, clearing his thoughts. He was stuck in the past again, and his last experience had shown him he could change things for the worse.  He had to be careful.

“Yeah,” Isa replied in the coolest, casual voice he could muster.  “Like I would let you do this again, anyway. You suck at driving.”

Isa had hit puberty first.  His vocal cords were far less prone to squeaking, and by this age, he had mastered a level of sarcasm and brooding that kept Lea from doing reckless things on a weekly basis.  Quick-witted quips were something he had no problem dealing in spades.

The crunch of footsteps in the snow stopped Lea from making a comeback.  Avery, Lea's oldest brother, was making his way down the hill carefully. "You two better not be dead!" He called to them. He walked awkwardly like a penguin. Wearing his father's boots was a hassle, but this year the Gardener Family was struggling.  Avery had made the kind offer to take his father's old boots rather than get new ones and waste munny.

Avery had been four years older than Lea.  If Isa was twelve in this moment, that made Avery sixteen.  He looked so much younger than Isa remembered. Like Ilan, he had freckles, blue eyes, and red hair, which he grew long and tied back in a braid.  He was tall and lithe, but also feminine with a heart-shaped face. Avery was the “perfect child” of the family. He was graceful and humble. He played the piano.  His grades were straight A’s and he was planning on going into engineering. It was easy to be jealous of the boy, but hard to hate him.

Avery stopped beside his brother and looked down at Isa with the iconic Gardener grin. "Looks alive enough."

Isa glowered at both of the redheads and rolled to the side, managing to sit upright up in the snow.  His head pounded, and he placed a gloved hand to his forehead. "You guys are dicks."

“Isa!”  Lea hissed, slightly nodding his head up towards his brother.  “He’ll tell on us.”

“Oh please,” Avery laughed with his willowy voice.  “I started cursing around my friends when I was nine.  I thought it made me look cool.”

Avery bent down, and placing a hand under Isa’s armpit, hoisted him to his feet while he held Isa’s other hand for support.  He wasn’t strong by any means, but Avery had the advantage of age and an early growth spurt. Isa accepted the help and brushed the snow from his pants and coat.  His butt was soaked to the flesh and frozen solid, but Isa hardly noticed. He reached down and picked up a clump of snow and rubbed it on his face to wash away the blood.

It had been years since Isa had thought of Avery.  Mentally twenty-eight in this twelve-year-old body, Avery looked like a boy to him now.  He was Roxas’s age, but right here, right now as a twelve-year-old, Isa remembered having a crush on Avery for at least a year.  Avery had come out as gay in his first year of high school. He had recently started dating a popular boy on his school’s swim team—something that had secretly crushed Isa.  It never would have happened, but that didn’t mean it didn’t sting.

Isa couldn't help but smile to himself.  His younger self was such a fool. Isa left the brothers and walked over to the snow drift. He took to digging out the sled, debating if he should force Lea to drag him on it all the way up the hill.

“What a great way to start Yuletide vacation,” Lea mumbled, pushing himself off of the ground and rubbing his chest.  His ribs were definitely going to be bruised by the end of the day. “What brings you out here, Ave? Mom looking for us?”

"Yeah.  She saw your room," Avery replied, throwing an arm around Lea's shoulders.  He pulled him in for a tight half-hug that quickly turned into a noogie. "You promised to clean it before Yule, remember?"

Lea laughed, tugged out of his brother’s reach, and playfully swatted at Avery’s arm.  “She said she wanted it cleaned  _before_ Yule,” he said, pointing to his temple.  “But Yule is still a week away. Why not enjoy the fresh snow and do the work later?”

“Because Isa is staying with us while his dad goes on a business trip, and you need to make sure your guest has a space to sleep.  Mom can’t even see the floor.”

Lea scoffed and shoved his numb hands into his coat pockets.  “Why did no one tell me that!”

It was strange that Isa’s father was doing business during a holiday, but not out of character.  Most of the time, Piers dropped Isa off at the Gardener house and spent Yule alone, drinking at an expensive bar where the patrons were the city’s lawyers, doctors, and executives.  The Page household hadn’t celebrated Yule for the last seven years. This was just another excuse for Piers to get Isa out of his way.

“You hear that?”  Lea came up suddenly behind Isa, clapping his hands on his shoulders.  “Two-week sleepover! This’ll be even better than the summer at the cabin!”

Isa flinched away from Lea when the redhead clapped on to his shoulder. He gave a light glare of warning not to be touched. "Oh great.  At this rate, I’m gonna die if I have to spend more than a day with you,” he said, giving a final yank to the sled. It popped out of the ice with a brittle crack, and he started to drag it up the hill.

“Aw, come on,” Lea pouted.  “I promise no more stunts.”

“You say that all the time, and somehow, I fall for your antics.  You’re such a pain.”

“You love me, though.”

Isa winced, unable to reply to that one.  Instead, he grunted and took off with the sled.

The strange thing with time travelling was that Isa had dual memories.  He knew his most recent memories from the future, but the more he spent in this body, the more he remembered events of the past.  Isa remembered that his twelve-year-old self had eaten an amazing omelette this morning, but he also had memories of the time to come—the best holiday in his life.  He had spent a great two weeks away from his father, and the Gardener family lavished him with the love he didn’t get at home.  There couldn't have been any reason to jump into this moment other than the fact that Isa was longing for family.

As he stared into the snow in thought, he noticed a small patch of ice. Isa carefully stepped around it. Flashes in his mind showed him a memory of slipping, hurting his wrist and being sore for days after. His head burned and his vision grayed at the edges, but soon the pain faded, along with the memory.  Isa stood frozen as he stared at the ice. Part of him remembered it, part of him didn’t. How did that work?

"Did I just…?"  He had changed the future again, small as it was.

Isa gasped in surprise as Lea and Avery caught up with him from behind.  Avery’s brows furrowed in concern. "Isa, you should lie down for a while when we get back to the house. I'm gonna have to tell Mom you seized."

Worrying for Isa’s fragility, Avery took the sled and the lead, choosing a path with the lowest incline.  He pointed out spots that looked slick and shouted at Lea to support Isa before they reached them. Lea, his typical obnoxious habits even worse at the age of twelve, used that as an excuse to continue invading Isa’s personal space, despite his earlier warning.  The shoulders rubbed and caused their snow jackets to squeak as they walked the long trek home.

“I’m sorry about the whole…crashing thin.  Again,” Lea whispered, low enough that his brother wouldn’t hear him.  “When we get back, take a nap. I’ll clean my room. Then we can stay up all night and watch movies.  It’ll be great—summer vacation two-point-O.”

Lea paused, reconsidered his options, and then added, “But I have to call Leah later.  Just for a little while.”

Leah, disgustingly enough, was Lea’s seventh-grade ‘girlfriend’.  Lora had found it adorable that he was interested in a girl with a similar name; most others found it annoying.  Occasionally she tagged along with Isa and Lea, but since this past autumn, occasionally Lea would go to the market district with her instead of Isa.

It was such a shame that Isa remembered Leah breaking up with Lea a week after getting her Yuletide present.  He remembered Leah only vaguely, but he definitely remembered Lea crying after finding out she had been kissing other boys behind his back.  Isa decided it was best not to say anything now, but he needed to prevent Lea from giving her any kind of gift.

“Whatever, man.”  Isa rolled his eyes.  “I get to pick all the movies, then.”

The three boys reached the maze of homes that was Lea’s neighborhood, and by the time the Gardener house came into view,  all the anger Isa had been harboring for Lea over the last week was replaced with a warm sense of comfort. Isa watched Avery walk ahead of them, suddenly wishing he could speak to him today, but the boy was dead and never coming back.  He wanted to talk to Avery about coming out, how he could manage to be so comfortable with his sexuality. Even as an adult, Isa struggled, thanks to his father's abuse. He had been outed by his father just under a year ago, days after his 12th birthday.

Isa suddenly stopped in his tracks, looking disoriented.  Was today his 13th birthday?

“Hey bud,” Lea said, patting his back.  He bent over in front of the bluenette and looked upwards into Isa’s eyes.  “Still a little dazed? Come on. I’m starting to notice how soaked I am. I’ll piggy-back ya.”

Lea was bruised himself, but mostly down the front.  Isa had hit his head and seized. It only seemed right, and without even a single regard to his own injuries, he squatted down and forced Isa to get on.  There was no arguing with a stubborn redhead. Isa tried to protest initially, but he got onto Lea’s back without much resistance. It didn't take too long for him to transition to teasing, suggesting that he would use Lea as a personal horse from now on.

They only had a few blocks left to the Gardener household, and Lea was thoroughly exhausted when they arrived at the door.  He let Isa slide off his back and shook the cramps out of his arms.

This memory was all too familiar.  Before Avery even opened the door, Isa knew what was coming.  In fact, his nerves were going wild with excitement, remembering what was coming. He did his best to hide the grin on his face until the door opened.

“Surprise!”

Waiting in the foyer were Lora and 10-year-old Lily with a banana cream pie, freshly decorated with sliced bananas in a spiral pattern.  Lora had always known Isa’s favorite dessert flavor, so rather than make a cake for tradition, she made what her “fifth son” would like. In Radiant Garden, thirteen was the age of responsibility and growth into adulthood.  The next big milestone was twenty. It wasn’t even a question that they would celebrate it.

Isa's blue eyes went wide at the pie. He hadn't had banana cream pie since before becoming a Nobody. "Uh, t-thank you!" He barely remembered to say. He then gave the two women a big smile.  A tiny flare of acid burned in his gut, knowing he should be back home trying to fix his real life.

“Happy birthday, sweetheart.  Ilan is coming home early and we’re having a goose for dinner.  I know it’s not Yule yet, but we’ll just have to something else that night.  It’s not every day you’re thirteen.”

Still holding the pie and knowing the boys were soaked to the bone, Lora leaned forward and kissed Isa on the brow.  Then she looked the boys up and down, narrowing her green eyes on Lea. “Get out of those wet clothes and get warm, then.  And you, Lea. Get to cleaning your room!”

“Aw dammit,” Lea muttered under his breath without thinking.  He stopped in horror as his mother glared right into his eyes.

“No phone the rest of the week,” she stated, turning for the kitchen.

“What!  Mom! No fair, it’s vacation!  How else am I gonna talk to Leah?”

“Should have thought of that before you cursed!”

Isa stifled a laugh as he made his way to his suitcase upstairs to grab clean clothes. He'd have to remember this moment to torment Lea when—

_If he was even friends with Lea anymore._

Melancholy washed over Isa and turned his smile to a frown. Though Lea was the one who kissed first, Isa felt like he was to blame for the damage done. 

When Isa had finished changing in the bathroom, Isa strolled into the kitchen and spotted Lora preparing dinner.  Every week in his childhood, he had come into her house and made himself at home. He knew where the forks and spoons were along with all the other dishes and he helped himself to snacks even if Lea was upstairs.  Not once did Laura ever question if he went rooting in the fridge for a drink. This woman had treated him as family since before he could remember, and never once had he truly understood what she had done until she was gone.  Lora had been a surrogate mother the moment his had died. Watching her cut into an onion on the counter, there was a dull ache in his heart and he was certain that the tears threatening his eyes were not from the vegetable.

Isa walked up to her, peering at her handiwork.  He had no idea what to say. "So...the weather is nice."

“Is it?”  She said fondly, pausing to look out the kitchen window.  “I always loved snow. Not the bitter cold, but just… a nice, fresh snowfall.  When everything is silent and sparkling.”

“Same. It’s just like that right now.”

A far-off fondness in Lora’s eyes belied tears that she was holding back.  Lora shook her head and returned to her work. “Your mother and I always played in the first snow of winter.”

Something felt strange.  Isa never had memories of this moment, and while he remembered something else, the old memories didn’t seem to be erasing as he changed the past.  A heaviness fell on his chest as something nagged at the back of his mind, but with a little resistance, he found the feeling to be transient. Isa had originally gone upstairs to help Lea clean his room, and they talked about goofy things as children were wont to do.  Lea cursed behind his mother’s back, made a few perverse comments, and then they talked about school. As much as that was _this_ Isa’s life, he found himself unable to do it now.  Isa did his best to ignore all the sudden changes in his memories. His shoulders tensed as he forced back a panic attack, hoping Lora wouldn't notice.

"I don't really remember my mother," Isa admitted.  "How close were you two?"

“You don’t remember her?”

Lora stopped cutting the the potato she had started, set her knife down, and looked at Isa with a furrowed brow.  Her initial look of shock was an arrow to his heart, forcing the breath out of him as he shrunk in posture. Isa couldn’t remember his mother’s face in his own time if it weren’t for pictures.  She had died when he was four or five. Now that he was in a younger body, he had more memories at close recall, but trying to summon the image was like peering into a murky pond. He could only go so far down.

“It’s not that I don’t remember her.  I just—  I don’t remember moments as much as I remember feelings.”

“I…  I understand that.  You were so young when…  when it happened.”

Lora had been out with Isa and Lea back to the playground near the Page manor one summer morning.  Inez hadn’t been feeling well enough to go outside. Allergies, she had said. Although Lora insisted she and the children stay with her and play inside, Inez wouldn’t have them miss such a beautiful morning.  They had been gone for over an hour, and when they came back, they found her on the floor. The medical examiner surmised she had seized for close to an hour until her heart stopped.

Isa and Lora seemed to have the same thought when her words died off.  He blinked sadly, staring at the the cutting board and losing himself in the pattern of the wood.

“Your mother was my best friend,” Lora said.  “I’d like to think I was hers, too. We were as close as you and Lea, dear.  That’s why you two grew up so close. Your mother was from the West Side, you know.”

“You mean here?”

“Your grandparents’ old house is down the road, actually." 

“I don’t know why I never realized.”

“I guess we haven’t talked much about her, you and I.  I wouldn’t bring my grief on a child, and you had your own to handle.  More than enough for a boy your age.”

"Do you miss—"

"Mom!"

Isa’s question was cut off by Clay walking loudly into the kitchen.  He tracked mud on his boots, and he held a football under one arm. "Can Jet and Jay spend the night? Pleeaaase?" He begged, and whined harder already seeing the disapproving look from his mother.

Isa found the moment to sneak away. He was already affecting the past too much and still felt the panic hiding in his chest. He stopped at the doorway to see Lora's parenting one last time.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE WITH THOSE SHOES!”

The day was ruined.  Isa had never seen Lora overwhelmed by her children, but that didn’t mean the five of them never infuriated her.  Isa slipped away as she went on a tirade about responsibility and keeping the house clean. Clay’s friends would not be staying the night, and from what it sounded as her shrieks filtered up from the stairs, Clay was now grounded.

Drawing closer to Lea’s room, however, Isa could hear the strum of guitar from a stereo.  Accompanying it was the obnoxious, off-key singing known as Lea’s falsetto. The onset of puberty was currently affecting his voice, but as a child and later as an adult, Lea had an impressive singing voice when he wasn’t purposely playing around.  

“ _Youuuuu touch meeee… I hear the sound… of mandoliiins!   Youuu-ooo-oooo kiss me…_ ”

It was a song older than they were—and older than their parents—that had recently been covered by a pop sensation.  The man who sang it was flamboyant, but teenage girls swooned over every song as if he had been a god. As Isa drew closer to Lea’s room, he found the boy singing into his hairbrush.  The room appeared mostly cleaned, with Lea’s strange taste of music as his inspiration.

Isa was hoping to feel better by the time he reached Lea's room, but there was still a tightness in his chest. He watched Lea from the doorway, unable to come up with a snarky comment. Instead, he chose to wait with his arms crossed, watching Lea until the redhead finally noticed Isa leaning against the door frame.  It surprisingly took the entire song.

“Oh, hey!”  Lea said casually, tossing his hairbrush back to his dresser.

Lea had never been the type to get embarrassed in front of Isa.  He _thrived_ off of attention, whether good or bad.  Usually, he played the fool, and he played it well.  Every rambunctious thing, he always did to try and make Isa laugh.  Sometimes it worked perfectly. Sometimes, it only earned him a sarcastic comeback.  Regardless, if Lea started laughing or kept up the act, Isa was bound to give in.

As the next song came on over the radio, he placed his sunglasses over his face and strummed an air guitar with a dirty t-shirt before basketball-tossing it into the laundry basket.  It missed terribly, and he smiled.

“Nothing but net,” he chuckled, his sunglasses falling off of his face.

Isa quirked his brow and strode into the room, taking a seat on the bed.  “Uh huh.”

The tightness in his chest was ebbing the longer he spent away from Lora, thoughts of his mother, and alternate memories.  He stroked the mattress on both sides of his thighs, taking comfort in the soft fabric of the comforter. The presence of Lea’s old childhood things grounded him.  This was currently the bed that Roxas slept on, and seeing how damaged the mattress was in this moment, it couldn't be comfortable years later. 

 _If I had a heart_ , he thought.   _Oh, wait.  I do._ The mattress almost made him pity Roxas.  Now he felt he had to do something nice for that twerp when he got back to the future.

The floor was now visible.  Most of the mess had been clothing that Lea refused to put in the hamper the first time.  He might have needed to vacuum, but at least there were no obvious globs of dust or dirt. A couple of video games had fallen off and scattered in front of the TV stand—Lea had mowed lawns all last summer to buy the fifty-centimeter boxy monstrosity of the 90s—but they were limited to the corner of the room.  His Yule task was officially finished.

Lea unceremoniously nudged Isa over in the bed with a thick-socked foot and pushed until there was enough room to join.  He flopped back with his shoulders behind his head and sighed.

 “So… I’m really sorry, but I don’t have a birthday present for you this year.  I kind of… got low on funds. You’re still getting a Yule present, and as tradition, we’ll shake all the boxes the night before while my parents are asleep.  But no birthday present. Next year, I’ll buy you two!” 

Lea did actually buy Isa two presents the following year.

As a kid, Isa never cared about money, mostly because his family’s wealth seemed endless as a child.  Likewise, he had also been oblivious to the economic status of others around him. Isa never remembered wondering why Lea hadn't the munny to buy Isa a gift that birthday, but now he knew why.  His family was struggling. Lea had to make his own munny, and jobs were hard to find for a twelve-year-old kid.

"You don't have to buy me anything, Lea." Isa crossed his legs and curled up on himself. "Your company is enough to satisfy me."  Out of nowhere, Isa suddenly missed Lea incredibly, even though he was sitting right next to him. He blinked rapidly to stop the mist in his eyes and worried at the nubs on Lea’s blanket.

Lea snorted, and he was humbled by the words.  A slight smile spread across his lips and he sat up so he could face Isa.  The bed creaked underneath them, coils stiff as boards.

“My company is enough?”  Lea laughed. “You’ve been reading too many Yule cards, Isa.  Where’s the fun if I can’t surprise you every once in a while?”

"Oh believe me, you come up with enough surprises," Isa retorted, a twinkle in his wet eyes. He couldn't recall a time where he himself had surprised Lea. Maybe it this was a chance to rectify that.

Isa suddenly tackled Lea in a playful hug, giving a triumphant cry as he wrapped his arms tightly around Lea and refused to let go.  For the Lea of the past, this had definitely been unexpected. The older they got, the less hugging there had been. Sometimes Lea questioned if it was because Isa worried it would make him uncomfortable.  He also suspected that Isa tried his hardest to act like his father would want him. Piers’ abuse was mostly brought on by “abnormal” behavior for a teenage boy.

Shocked or not, Lea laughed harder when he was tackled.  “Ahhh! He’s killing me! The unbeatable squid-style arm-hold!”

With one of his arms, Lea was able to grab a stuffed animal and smack Isa over the head.  In another year, the stuffed animals would be gone. The cute video game posters would be replaced with rock bands and a couple of female movie stars.

Isa laughed, using one hand to block the stuffed animal from hitting him anymore. He managed to grab it from Lea and turned his weapon against him.

When the stuffed lion had been deflected and tossed across the room, Isa wrapped further around Lea, squeezing tightly and pressing his face between Lea’s shoulder blades.  Suddenly, Lea's natural scent, though more earthy as a child, engulfed Isa. The scent overwhelmed his senses like a freak storm on a sunny day. The floodgates on his heart suddenly broke, and a waterfall of emotions rushed over him—drowned him.  Isa’s shoulders shook from the sobs. He clung for dear life to Lea’s sweatshirt, refusing to ever let go again.

“Hey… hey now!  What’s this?” Another surprise.  Lea had been fighting the affection jokingly, but the moment Isa’s laughs turned to cries, he rolled over in his arms and laid back against the bed.  An arm wrapped behind Isa’s shoulders as he allowed his friend to cry into his chest. He stared at the ceiling, unmoving except for the comforting rub of his hands.  These seizures always seemed to be leaving Isa off-kilter and emotional.

“It’s your birthday.  We don’t cry on birthdays unless we ate too much cake.  It’s Yule vacation, and you’re at my house for two weeks, and your thirteenth birthday is today.  There’s no crying. Nope. You get a free pass for…two more minutes, and then ya have to smile.”

Lea’s words made Isa cry harder at first, as was expected.  Isa’s tears had soaked straight through his shirt to his ribs, but he was trapped flat on his mattress, left to stare idly at the ceiling until this moment passed.  Lea gently patted the back of Isa’s head, humming a gentle tune. He was surprised that Isa was taking the literal two minutes to cry, not even giving a chuckle at his joke.  Isa cried very rarely, and usually it was due to his dad. From what Lea could tell, he hadn’t received any recent beatings.

It was a long few moments before he calmed down enough to breathe normally, and the two minutes went by without Lea interrupting him.  It was a full five minutes before he sat up and wiped away his own tears on the back of his wrist. Lea had let him move at his own pace without a single complaint.

“Fuck.”  Isa coughed and sniffled loudly. _That_ had been a surprise even to him.  "I'm sorry. I think I'm just— I think I'm hungry."  Any lie was better than the truth. What did his thirteen-year-old self have that could be considered reasonable stress?  Kids didn’t get stressed like adults.

“You don’t have to apologize, Isa.  You never do.”

One hand still grinding into his eye, Isa peeked down at Lea, bright blue eyes reflecting the most real smile Isa made in years. "You're my best friend, Lea."

As curious as ever, Lea cocked his head to the side and waited.  He waited for Isa to say something more—waited for a tell. Lea didn’t want to miss a single thing, and slowly he narrowed his eyes to avoid blinking.

“You’re my best friend too, Isa.  And as your best friend, I have to ask.  Are you really okay?”

Isa scooted away from Lea to give him space. He sniffled again, nose now completely congested from his tears. His bloodshot eyes were getting worse as he continued to rub them.

"I'm fine, Lea. Don't worry about me." He picked up another stuffed animal (a fluffy white bunny) that had survived their tussle and hugged it close. "Really.  Now, what movie did you want to watch first?"

Of course, the words weren’t convincing, but he couldn't tell Lea anything.  No one would believe it, and even if Lea did, it could change the future too greatly. Isa knew that Lea would probably pester him about the future, too.  Changing the subject was his only option.

There was clearly an internal battle going on behind Lea’s eyes as he debating pushing further. He bit his lip and chewed until his heart won against curiosity.  “You’re not a very convincing liar, but whatever.” 

Lea slid off the bed and quickly changed into a new shirt, once again missing the hamper when he crumpled his wet sweatshirt.  Rather than picking it up, he left it on the floor for another day. Thus the cycle of Lea’s dirty room continued.

Happy to be wearing his new Galaxy Trek shirt, he walked over to the bookshelf and pulled out a few VHS cases.  Isa remembered the shirt dearly. Lea wore it nearly every day after school for two years, even when it started to get too short for his torso. It died tragically when a neighbor’s dog bit it while playing and ripped it to shreds. Isa had sore ribs for days from all the laughing.

“It wouldn’t be Yule unless we watched Galaxy Trek, as is tradition.  But I also got two rentals from the store yesterday. It’s _your_ birthday, and you _did_ say you were gonna choose the first movie,” Lea said with a smile.  

Isa’s choices were the first Galaxy Trek movie which they had watched a thousand times, the superhero block-buster from earlier in the year,  and an animation about a boy and his robot. Galaxy Trek at least had nostalgia, but the other two held no interest for a twenty-eight-year-old.  If he was going to be stuck in the past until his next seizure, he didn’t want to die of boredom.

“Tough decision,” Isa lied smoothly, trying to be polite.  

“You wanna go through the collection and pick one I already have?”

“I think you already know what I’m going to pick.”

Isa got up and stood beside his friend, held tilting as he read the spines of the VHS cases.  He absentmindedly stroked his chin in thought. "I think Galaxy Trek is the best choice. Nothing can beat it except Episode Six of Star Battles." He paused in panic. Had Episode Six come out yet?

Still facing the bookcase, Lea narrowed his eyes and looked at Isa from the side.  “Oh really?” He hummed.

 _Dammit_.  Now Isa remembered.  The last Star Battles movie came out the summer after his thirteenth birthday.  Strange, how memory worked. Now that he was in the moment, decades-past words returned to his brain.  There had been stories on the news complaining about the family-friendly franchise ending with a PG-13 movie.  Luckily, both of them were thirteen and didn’t have to be accompanied by their parents at the theater. Lea had snuck an entire bag of sour gummy spiders in his pants.

Lea jumped around and grabbed Isa’s shoulders.  “Okay! Who told you spoilers? I wanna know! What’s going on behind the scenes?”

Isa blushed a light red, embarrassed he had said anything. He avoided Lea's green eyes. "Well..." Isa was terrified of destroying the future, but could telling Lea the truth about a simple movie really hurt?

Isa grinned, looking Lea in the eyes. "Jake Skystrider is Lord Vane's son, for starters." Isa could feel the confidence growing in his chest. He really had the power to know the future, would it be wrong to use it?

Lea stopped and stared at him.  A few seconds passed as he blew a raspberry.

“I don’t buy it.  I _knew_ you were pulling my leg.”

Six months down the line, Lea would change his tune, but the redhead had always been stubborn.  Sometimes, regardless of what Isa said or did, he would effect the future very little if his words didn’t affect anyone else.  When they discovered the surprise in the theater, Lea’s mind had been completely blown. Even hearing this supposed spoiler, Lea would only look at Isa in shock and be more wowed by his ‘prediction.’

Lea punched Isa’s shoulder gently and took “Galaxy Trek: The Movie” from his bookshelf.  Even if they had watched it too many times to count, it only gave them the chance to talk over the scenes, debate the finer art of science fiction writing, and make inside jokes about the characters.  The two of them had almost every scene memorized to the last word. Sometimes, mouthing the words with a face full of popcorn was all they needed for a good laugh.

After popping the tape into his hand-me-down VCR, Lea took a running jump and tossed himself back on the bed.

"Believe what you want. I'm right. I can predict the future." Isa joked, but only half-way. This was going to get out of hand, but it was the most fun Isa has had in maybe years.

He couldn't live in the past like this forever, could he? Surely there was more reason for these experiences than just visiting. Isa hadn't been a religious or spiritual man for years.  He gave up on the gods after all the things his father had done. If the gods really did exist, they would have saved him from all his pain. At least they should have. Surely the only explanation for his time traveling was some inner force in himself trying to right his wrongs.

Divine intervention or not, there were no rules or lifeguard here to stop Isa from having too much fun.  Right now he was thirteen, and he was going to enjoy his youth.

Isa sat on the bed, much less energized than Lea had but nonetheless happy to join him. Throughout the movie, Isa scooted closer and closer to Lea, to the point he was leaning against him.  While Lora cooked the best birthday dinner Isa would have in his life, he slid into the best nap he had taken in years.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Potato here.
> 
> I should explain how we write this fanfiction. Kyoya and I roleplay this story on our Discord server. She plays Isa and I play Lea. We take turns with NPCs as needed. Afterward, I go back and revise/edit the chapters. Sometimes things blend perfectly, and other times I have to cut a lot or add dialogue and descriptive paragraphs.
> 
> As of posting this, we have 15 chapters written in raw format. Editing takes a LOT of work. At 7000 words, this is one of the longest chapters we have so far, but there are a couple more that are 10K. I have no idea how I will split those yet. It took me a full two weeks to read over 7000 words two dozen times and somehow recognize the words on the screen. Updates are likely going to change from weekly to once or twice monthly.
> 
> [While this memo is here, note that I have not actually had this chapter beta read. If you find mistakes, please let me know.]


	7. Stealing for the Lesser Good

Yule was drawing nearer.  Of the four solstices and equinoxes celebrated by the people of Radiant Garden, Yule tended to create the most noise.  A week-long celebration to honor the winter solstice, Yule was typically abused as a way to break the monotony in the dark and dry months.  There was religious connotation to all four major holidays, but Isa had never really cared for that aspect. Being the shortest day of the year, Yule was the herald of longer days and brighter mornings.  That was enough for him. To Isa, Yule meant the traditions of spending time with loved ones, feasting, and most anxiety-provoking of all: gift-giving.

As was human nature, a large number of people put off their shopping until the last few days.  Some of them hadn’t paid attention to the numbers passing by on the calendar and others were just lazy.  In Lea’s unfortunate case, he had been scrambling for munny. With two days left until the solstice, Isa had joined Lea in his mad quest, realizing that his younger self had also failed to buy most of his presents on time.  After getting their gifts for the family, Lea had “dismissed” him half an hour ago (obviously to buy Isa’s gifts). Isa had made the bulk of Lea’s gifts months in advance, which left him sitting on a bench in the mall after he grabbed a few extra items.  Across from him, he saw a jacket in the display case.

His was better, he thought with a smirk.

A week had now passed since his birthday.   Isa had remembered his thirteenth birthday to be one of the best days in his young life, and it had lived up to it again.  That night, after finishing the movie with Lea and waking to the smell of amazing scents wafting from the kitchen, Isa had joined the Gardeners—his real family—for a traditional birthday dinner.  As promised, there had been a whole goose, along with all of the other trimmings. After dinner, Isa was gifted his signature blue jacket, crescent moon over the heart. Thirty thousand munny was a lot for a boy’s jacket, but Lora was known for her knack of making designer-wear copies at an affordable price.  She had stitched it with love, a little large so he could grow into it. Just as he had done in childhood, Isa had been ecstatic and put it on immediately, though this time it was out of nostalgia. Isa had even slept in the jacket later that night.

Over the last week, Isa had grown comfortable in the home, but he never forgot he was from the future. The more he spent in this time, the more he noticed things he hadn't as a child. For one, having a baby so long after her other children, Lora was often unable to pay attention to the children except to praise them for their successes and punish them for their misbehavings.  Isa had never considered why Lea liked to act up at home. Now he was reliving youth with the wisdom to understand. Lea’s desire to “never be forgotten” came from being the lost middle child. His grades were average. He excelled in athleticism but had no motivation for team sports. He wasn’t the precious only daughter (but Clay liked to remind everyone that Lea’s name was spelled in the feminine because their parents had been expecting a girl).  When Lea was loud and obnoxious, Lora paid him more attention. It was no wonder why Lea clung to Isa like glue.

Another thing he noticed was how poor the Gardener family truly was.  Ilan tried his hardest to give the family a comfortable life, but now Isa was aware of their use of a secondhand store.  Isa had managed to buy all the appropriate gifts he had in the past for Lea and his siblings, but he couldn't think of anything to give to Ilan and Lora that would be useful.  He had gotten them the new throw blankets Lora had been wanting for their bed, but they deserved more for all they had done. This was the perfect opportunity to make a better change for the future.  But how?

“Don’t stare too hard at the fountain there.  It might explode.”

Isa looked up to find Lea, multiple bags slung over his arms and elbows.  "Do you have everything you need?"

“Yep!  Stuffed bear for Reid, new book for Lily, baseball glove for Clay, and new piano compositions for Avery.”  Lea shook each bag as he went over his list. “Mom gets a new kitchen roller after I broke the last one. And dad needed a new tool belt.  And…” He quickly closed the last bag and smiled. “Secret present for you. All set.”

"You better not have." Isa couldn't help but glare at Lea. The old Isa would have been excited to receive gifts from his friend, but now Isa didn't feel like he deserved them.

“I did, and you’re gonna suck it up and  _be happy about it._ ”  He gave a shit-eating grin and waved the bag around temptingly.

“Never.”

“Well, you’re gonna  _pretend_  to be happy.”

“Ugh, fine.  Let’s just go to the video game store.  You still want to stop by, right?”

Isa turned in circles, staring at the signs above the stores.  For the life of him, he couldn’t remember where anything was. Most of the day he had followed Lea’s guidance. "So, video games are..."  Isa stopped turning, a worried expression on his face. "I used to know," he said half to himself.

“Brain fart, much?  Game store’s this way, Isa.”  Lea came up behind Isa as he wandered off and grabbed him gently by the shoulder.  He nodded towards the southern side of the mall. “Between your present and Leah’s present though, I don’t really have much munny left for games.”

Isa frowned. He was again reminded that Lea and his family were incredibly short on funds. It was then that it came to him:  Munny. Why give Lora and Ilan anything other than munny?

"I can get you anything you want, Lea. Don't worry about it." He started to lead the way to the game store.  "You know that if you ever need any munny, I can give you some."

Lea's face went several shades of rose as he averted eye contact.  He rubbed the back of his neck and cleared his throat. "Isa, you don't have to, really," he said softly.  "But I mean... if ya do, I'll pay you back."

There was still a certain level of pride that Lea had.  He had always had it. Later it would turn into vanity and a ridiculous honor code that not many understood, but underneath it all, Lea had come from humble roots.  Lea had always paid his debts.

“No. You won’t.  Consider it an early preview to your Yule presents.”

“If… if ya say so,” Lea muttered.

The two spent a good hour in the store, and Isa bought Lea a game that he never had in the past. Isa doubted this would change the future at all.

  


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Lea’s mother had picked the boys up and taken them home, where they ran upstairs to wrap presents—separate rooms, of course.  While he finished creasing the paper and taping the last present into place, Isa came up with a plan: he was going to sneak into his own home and get munny from his father's private safe.  It would be the best thing for Lora and Ilan. Of course, they wouldn't expect munny from Isa, but if it was signed by his father, they might take it.

Isa grabbed his coat and found Lea sitting in the living room, having already finished his haphazard wrapping.  "Lea, I need to go home and grab something from my house. I... forgot a present there."

Lea, who was carefully removing the shrinkwrap from his new video game and inhaling the plastic residue, frowned when Isa started to put his coat back on.

“Do… ya want me to come with you?  Or is it another present for me?”

Isa had already decided days ago that he was going to do his best to spend as much time as he could with Lea. The only time he had spent away from him was when Isa spent a few hours at the library the day before, trying to find articles and books on time travel.  Nothing had been fruitful.

"I want you to come with." He smiled at the redhead.

Hearing the magic words, Lea bolted up and abandoned his video game on the floor (much to Lora’s chagrin).  Isa waited patiently for Lea to struggle into his shoes and jacket, but Lea was the one who burst out of the door first.  Although brisk and cold, the snow from the last few days had melted, leaving clean sidewalks and salty roads. Lea took Isa gently by the wrist and led him away from the Gardener home, happy for another adventure.

Isa felt his cheeks go warm with a blush the moment Lea grabbed his wrist.  His Lea would never dare to lead him around like this. It was completely unexpected, but Isa let it continue. He didn't realize just how much he missed Lea’s youthful spirit.  Yes, Lea had been agonizing at times, but his shenanigans had been a distraction from Isa’s drab life at home. They had been the perfect partners in crime.

“I’m so excited for tomorrow,” Lea said with a bounce in his step.  “So much food! And the weather forecast says it’s gonna snow tonight.  Maybe we’ll even get to go sled riding before dinner!”

Isa glared at him with a quirked eyebrow.  He still had faded green bruises on his back and buttocks.  

“Okay.  Maybe not.  Sledding is bad,” Lea said, biting his lip.

“Yeah.  That sledding accident was completely your fault.  I will never let you forget it.”

“Yep, I’m well aware.  You’ll probably be bitching about it when we’re eighty.”

“I don’t  _bitch_ , Lea.”  He smirked.  “I merely complain aggressively.”  

“Like you could have done any better driving that sled,” Lea said, swatting at the air.  “Whatever. You wanna fight about it some more? We’ll settle it in a snowball fight. Man to man.”

"Fine,”  Isa chuckled, the fog of breath sputtering out of his mouth in puffs.  They were halfway to Isa's manse, and after a brief stop at the crossroad, he began to take the lead, remembering a shortcut behind some houses. Isa vaguely remembered a few friends living back here, but he couldn't think of who.  

“Just be prepared to learn your lesson, Lea.  I can totally beat you in any fight, regardless if there's snow involved."

Lea snorted.  “Isa, let’s be honest. If it were an honest fight between me and you, I would completely smoke your ass.  No offense.” He let go of Isa’s wrist and wrapped an arm around him, rubbing his knuckles into the soft blue fluff of Isa’s scalp. “I got brothers, ya know!  Battle experience!”

Isa winced. "Ow ow ow ow!" He tried to fight Lea off and pushed him backward into a bush.  

“That was a cheap shot, ya cheater!”  

The collision made such a clatter that they scared a crow in a nearby tree, causing it to flap and caw angrily over their heads. Isa jumped before realizing his own foolishness and started laughing.  His guard was down when he offered a hand to Lea. Lea pushed as much as he pulled when getting to his feet, and together, they bumped shoulders and ran down the hill, rough-housing as boys were wont to do.  When they reached level ground, Lea’s sneakers came to a screeching halt before he slammed into Isa’s back. Isa had suddenly stopped dead in his tracks, staring into someone’s backyard.

“Hey—  what’s the—“

A girl’s surprised shout drew his attention to the back alley they had invaded, and Lea’s eyes settled on a familiar face.  Isa hadn’t thought he would remember her face, but seeing her now brought back the bad memories. This was going to ruin Lea’s day, just as it had years ago.  

“L-Leah?”

This wasn’t her house.  This wasn’t anywhere near her house.  This house belonged to the family of one of the eighth-grade boys.  Although they hadn’t stumbled upon anything incriminating, it looked like Leah had jumped away from the kid and had been in close proximity.  The guilt was all over her face.

“Oh, hi Lea,” she said, her face red.

“Hi,”  he said stiffly, looking between Leah and the eighth-grader.  The other guy seemed dazed, looking back and forth between all involved parties with slow blinks.

“You know these guys, Leah?”

“Does she  _know_  us?”  Lea’s voice was still maturing.  The shock caused it to crack and every other syllable was a boyish squeak. “Ian, right?  You’re on the basketball team? That’s my girlfriend!"

Ian laughed.  “Uh… what? No, she’s  _my_  girlfriend.”

Isa's hand gripped Lea’s shoulder, holding him back from any drastic moves.  This heartbreak was long in the past and Lea no longer bothered to remember Leah in the future—at least that's what Isa assumed—but to an awkward twelve-year-old with braces, no munny, and a busy family life, this was a devastating blow.  As much as Isa wanted to get moving, he felt a primal urge to act overpowering his logic.  This might not have been his exact Lea, but it was a Lea that needed protecting.  Isa needed to show much he cared.

Isa stepped towards the other two teens. "You cheating  _slut!_   Stay the fuck away from Lea, or I’ll make you regret it!" Isa shouted, much to his own surprise.  He glared daggers at the two, shoulders and chest rising with every huff. He looked like his father, but no one would be brave enough to say it out loud. Isa's fists clenched tightly, ready for a fight.

Complete silence.  All three of them stared at Isa like he was a rabid dog.  Lea didn’t even think Isa had the word ‘slut’ in his vocabulary.  There had always been kids at school who talked about Isa behind his back, saying he was going to snap one day.  He was ‘too quiet’ and ‘weirdly stoic’, they said. Everyone was sure he was bottling up the feelings like a ticking time bomb, exactly like his father.  A lot of people knew Piers Page in town. He had been a boxer in his younger years and people were  _still_  afraid of him.

“Dude, I didn’t know!  She said she broke up with her last boyfriend months ago!” Ian slowly backed away, his hands in the air.  When he was sure Isa wasn’t going to charge, he ran to his back door.

Leah looked as if Isa had already punched her.  Until she had been called a slut, she had looked completely void of any regret.  Tears started to well at her eyes, moistening her eyeliner until it bled down her cheeks.  She turned to Lea, mouth agape.

“You’re just going to let him call me that?”

Lea looked between Isa and Leah, his teeth grinding.  The word hadn’t been pleasant on his ears, but the bile in the back of his throat made him less than sympathetic.  “You know what? Yeah,” Lea sniffled. “We’re done here. ‘Cause... you know. You apparently already broke up with me months ago.  Happy Yule, Leah.”

Lea flipped up his middle finger and walked away at a brisk pace, head tucked down.

Isa stayed long enough to glare at Leah one more time and chased after Lea. It was a long and silent walk to Isa's house, intermittently broken by a sniffle or a cough.  Isa had been so infuriated that he hadn’t unclenched his fists until they stopped outside of the metal gate around his house.

"I'm sorry she cheated on you,” Isa said with a long sigh, looking to Lea with a worried frown. He held out his hand in hopes Lea would take it for comfort.  It had begun to snow softly, tiny sparkles landing in Lea and Isa's hair. Both of them had forgotten gloves.

Lea had been grateful that Isa neither offered pity nor tried to talk him out of feeling miserable.  Despite the freezing cold, when he took Isa’s hand, it was burning hot and clammy. He used the other one to wipe his eyes and rub his nose.  Lea’s face was flushed and mottled; his eyes were swollen. He blushed more realizing how ugly he looked over a stupid girl.

“Thanks,” he whimpered.  “I… I really did love her, you know.  At least I thought I did.”

Of course it had just been puppy love, but Isa played along.  He squeezed Lea’s hand. "I know, dude. But it's okay, I'm here.  Look at the bright side. You can take back that gift you got her and use the munny on something good for yourself! Treat yourself.”

Lea snorted, trying not to laugh at the insensitivity.  “I guess you’re right about that. I spent a lot on that tennis bracelet.  She… never deserved it. I bet you she was gonna break up with me right after she got her presents.”

Isa's face suddenly fell as he really looked at Lea. This was the boy he loved, and one day the man. He couldn't live without him, and now Lea was in pain.  It tugged on his heartstrings, and he knew there was only more suffering in this boy’s future. He searched for a distraction before he began to spout nonsense of time travel.

"Let's go inside. It's cold." He headed towards the front door.

The door surprisingly didn't creak when Isa pushed it open, but it was much heavier than when he was an adult. "I just need to grab something from upstairs. You can stay down here. I think we have some of those chocolate snacks in the cupboard?" Isa fondly remembered Lea was always stuffing his face with the expensive snacks he had at home.  Even in his own time, Lea had a knack for gorging himself on anything.

Lea reluctantly let Isa drop his hand, and when the warmth had left him, he crossed his arms over his chest, remaining withdrawn as they approached the house.  He still failed in trying not to cry. The hiccups and quiet sobbing had stopped, but the pain still rested in his chest. There was a green tinge to his blotchy face that made him look nauseated, and the offer of food was an appreciated gesture.

Before Isa left for the stairwell, Lea stopped him.  “Wait.”

He loosely grabbed the sleeve of Isa’s jacket, but his head was still down.

“I realize I haven’t really said it in a while.  I said it all the time when we were little, and… I dunno.  Guys at school say we aren’t supposed to say it cause it’s not manly. But I love you.  I— I— I just… Thank you.”

Isa was stunned, one foot on the first step up the stairway. He didn’t remember Lea ever saying that when they were young.  Not this sincerely. It could have been something due to head trauma from his father, or memories lost forever when becoming a Nobody.

"I... I love you too, Lea. Please don't forget that." He forced a grin and tapped his temple, just like Lea always did.

Lea smiled weakly and sniffled, but he tapped his temple too.  “Memorized,” he said as his voice cracked. “Go on, now. Get your thing.  I think I’ll grab myself a Krunchy Kake.”

“Don’t eat all of them, or there won’t be any room for dinner.”

“Yes,  _mom_.”

Isa turned and bolted up the stairs. Finding Piers' room, he hesitated with his handle on the door. This was bound to get Isa in deep trouble.  

 _On one hand, I might come back to find Lea in a better predicament_ , he mused to himself.   _On the other hand, if Piers kills me in the past, I don’t exist in the future._   What would happen if he died in his past?  Would the universe collapse on itself?

Bracing himself and growling at the thought of that wretched man murdering his own son, Isa opened the door and entered his father’s walk-in closet.  In this moment, he couldn't have cared less about Piers. He thought he had been at his maximum loathing in the future, but being in the past reminded him just how vile Piers had been.  The distaste only increased when he opened the door to the safe. Multiple stacks of brightly colored paper sat neatly on the top shelf. Every note was worth ten-thousand munny, and every note was perfectly bundled with forty-nine more of its kind.  There was easily five million munny, and not a single piece had been earned legally. Piers not only had a penchant for drinking and smoking; he favored illegal gambling. Isa also wondered much later in his life if Piers hadn’t been involved in darker businesses.  Taking this munny for a good deed wasn't going to be something that could guilt him.

Isa counted out half a million* and pocketed it.  It had never really belonged to Piers, he told himself.  It was time to liberate these illegal funds. When he closed the door to the safe, he took a deep breath and left the room as he had found it.  There was no going back.

"Okay, Lea! I'm ready!"

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Using Japanese yen value for munny standards. Isa stole about $5000 USD.
> 
>  
> 
> Apologies for such a short chapter. We were going to post two chapters today, but one scene isn't working out right and is still under revision.
> 
> Also, comments and kudos are always appreciated! They'll give us the strength to go on.


	8. Yuletide Beatings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: The end of this chapter has a violent depiction of child abuse.

"Isa!  Isa! Isa!"

When Isa stayed over, Lea pulled a second twin mattress out from under his bed and they took turns sleeping on the "good" bed (i.e. Lea's main mattress).  Isa had been on the floor this night, unfortunately. He couldn't even tell if the sun had broken out from the sky—Lea's navy curtains were blackout ones—but he had been in a half-conscious state of dreaming when the door was thrown open to a someone shouting his name.  Suddenly he felt his body fly upward as that same person jumped onto his cot and landed on all fours.

“AAAARGH!”

"It's Yule!  Presents! Cake!  More presents!"

“LEA, YOU ASS!”

“Ow!  Not the face!”

Lea had been up since dawn, snuck out to make his parents' coffee, and waited for others to wake up one by one. His patience wearing thin, he gave all the boxes a second shake. (He and Isa had stayed up late to shake them and guess their contents the night prior.) Then Lea peeked into his stocking and it was obvious he had already gotten into the sweets.  Isa, being a guest, was allowed to sleep in, but seeing as it was now nine o' clock, Lea had clearly grown tired of waiting. His enthusiasm unfortunately got the best of him. 

All Isa knew was that someone was attacking him. His gut reaction was to slap his assailant across the face and kick himself away from the person.  He teetered perilously on the edge of his cot, heaving deep breaths with a hand on his chest as he realized it was Lea.

"Don't...do that!" He coughed a couple times and finally caught his breath.  _ Right _ .   _ It was Yule _ .  This was a twelve-year-old Lea on Yule morning who had no knowledge of Isa’s future trauma.  He was behaving exactly as a boy would. Isa wondered if Lea would ever be this excited for a holiday as an adult.  Winter  _ was _ coming up in the next few months in his home time. Maybe he would be around long enough to find out.

"Sorry," Isa apologized with a sigh. 

“It’s okay.  Bad dream?”

“Something like that.”

“Well… there’s presents?”  Lea still bounced on his hands and knees.  On top of his head was a red hat, trimmed in green fur and a pom-pom that wobbled with every shake of his body.

"Yeah, let’s go open presents,” Isa said, focusing another breath to calm his pulse.  With several cracks down his spine, he got out of bed and stretched. This mattress was killing him slowly.  Another seizure was almost welcome any time soon if it got him off this bed. He never remembered waking up this tired when he was a boy.  

“Ugh, I need coffee.”

“Since when do you drink  _ coffee _ , Isa?”  

"I uh… I want to try it, I mean. I can smell it from up here,” he covered for himself.  “You think your parents will let me?" 

Lea had left the bedroom door open behind him, and the smell of breakfast had started to hit Isa’s nose.  Pancakes, bacon, eggs. There was something with cinnamon. Underneath everything was the earthy smell of fresh-brewed drip coffee.  

“I mean, I guess you can have some if you want.  They never told off Avery for drinking it. Now quit dawdling.  It’s present time!” Lea rolled off the mattress and onto the floor, quickly jumping up and dashing out into the hallway.  He danced on the balls of his feet, which Isa noted were covered by fuzzy snowman slippers. 

Isa put on his slippers and followed Lea down the stairs.  Lea had so much energy that he ran down to the bottom, dashed back up since Isa was lagging, and then followed him back down while bouncing on every step.  When they reached the kitchen, Isa’s eyes lit up as he saw the breakfast feast Lora was preparing. The faint sound of music was playing from the stereo in the living room, and Lora was humming along while flipping cinnamon pancakes onto a platter.

Isa stepped into the kitchen and grabbed a mug from the cabinet, reading "Happy Yuletide" in red and green on one side. "Happy Yule, Lora!  May I try a cup of coffee?" He tried to ask in his most innocent tone. Isa was getting good at being a kid again. He caught himself every few days hoping that maybe this was his life now, and he could do things over better. 

Ilan came up behind him and placed a hand on Isa's head, ruffling his blue hair. "You're a little young for that much caffeine. You should stick to sugar."

Before Lora could add her comment, Avery interrupted after a sip from his own coffee.  “Eh, I say let him. A bit of energy might even make him a little less snarky.” Just to let him know the tease was in jest, he winked a dark blue eye as he sipped down another bitter gulp.  Like his father, Avery drank it pure black. All of his classmates thought he was the coolest.

“Oh fine, have some coffee,” Lora said, flipping another warm pancake onto a dozen others.   “Go and open your presents, too. Breakfast will be ready soon.”

Aside from Reid, who was only a toddler, the Gardener family opened presents without much pomp.  Lora and Ilan usually waited until Yule night and opened presents when the children went to sleep. (In hindsight, Isa realized it was probably one of the few moments they could still be romantic with five kids.)  Ilan had already taped Reid opening his presents to show the grandparents later, and judging by the pile under the tree, all of Lea's other siblings had opened theirs as well. Now Avery and Clay patiently sat at the table for breakfast, and Lily was in the living room playing with Reid through the wall of his playpen. Lea had waited through all of this just so he could open presents together with Isa.

While Isa finished preparing his coffee, Lea sat down next to the tree, which was aglow with multicolored lights.  The tinsel and metallic bulbs reflected the light from the fireplace about the room, which was currently the only light in the living room save for what filtered in from the kitchen.  Ilan’s slow-jazz Yule music was still playing on the stereo.

“Quit being a slug, Isa,” Lea called, thumping the carpet next to him.

Isa smirked at Lea, purposely taking his time to make his coffee. He didn't bother looking like he was doing it for the first time, and Ilan noticed and grinned about it. Isa remembered the first time he had coffee. He was highly influenced by Avery and had tried it black.  It had been awful, back then. Isa had since built a tolerance and could drink it straight without grimacing, but this morning Isa preferred the holiday cream. 

He sipped his nog-flavored coffee and carefully carried it to the living room. "Okay, Lea. You can pick first. I wanna see what you got." He settled into the floor, mug cradled protectively near his lap.

“Oh come on, that’s not fair.  We gotta open them together!”

Under the tree were various presents, most of them opened.  A neat stack of opened boxes labeled “Avery” had sweaters, books, and art supplies amongst other the basic necessities such as clothing.  Clay’s disorganized pile consisted mostly of sports memorabilia and athletic wear. Lily had already removed her pile to her room, and Reid’s new toys and stuffed animals were strewn about the living room.  

Lora and Ilan had their small pile with boxes labeled “Mom” and “Dad” still untouched in the back, save for an empty envelope labeled “The Gardener Family” on top.  Despite inhabiting his thirteen-year-old body, Isa had managed to write like his twenty-seven-year-old self, mimicking his father’s writing better than he hoped.

Lea took out a box from his pile and another from Isa’s.  Both, different sizes, were labeled from “Mom”.

“Together?”

Isa put his mug down beside him and held the box. He remembered vaguely what was inside, just not quite what it looked like anymore. It was just one of those memories lost forever when he was slowly becoming Xehanort. A minor detail that Isa originally thought wouldn't matter.

"Together," Isa replied. He made sure not to make a mess when tearing open the gift. When he pulled the top off and saw a beautiful hand-made blanket inside, his heart hurt. He didn't know he would miss it so much, and now he had it back.

Isa pulled the blanket from the box and hugged it tightly.  _ Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. _

Lora had always hand-crafted one gift for Isa every Yule.  Throughout the year, Lora would normally knit or crochet items for her children—it was more affordable than the other option—and normally she made Isa a sweater.  After his thirteenth birthday, however, she had made him a luxurious blanket with a moon and star motif to match the jacket. The boys had been science-fiction obsessed, but she also noted how Isa and Lea would look up at the stars and think of other worlds.  In the summer, it was sometimes all they would do at night.

“Whoa,” Lea said, looking at the blanket.  “Lucky! I want one!”

For Lea, Lora had made a smaller item.  He was slightly jealous of his best friend’s gift but nonetheless had put the scarf over his neck.  It clashed horribly with the hat he wore.

As Isa wrapped the blanket around himself he grinned at Lea's scarf. "I like that color with your hair." He took a sip of his coffee, then stood and found two more gifts for him and Lea. "These are from Avery," Isa said, sitting next to Lea.

He put half of his blanket over Lea's shoulders to share. Isa opened this gift a little more eagerly, knowing well what it was. Avery had gifted Isa his favourite book, though in the past it wasn't his favourite until he had read it a month later.  Isa's hands caressed the faux-leather cover, feeling the indentations of the title.  _ The Time Machine. _  A sinking feeling came to his stomach. Was this just a coincidence?

“Of course,” Lea said with a roll of his eyes.  He smiled though, as he showed Isa the front cover of  _ The Galaxy of Galaxy Trek _ .  Although dented and worn, some of the pages torn, the book was still in the Gardener house in the future.  Long after Lea and Isa had “gone missing” Lora had kept the book until Radiant Garden fell a year later.

"I like books. You could probably read at least one in your lifetime. It might make you a little smarter." Isa nudged Lea playfully.

“I don’t need brains with these rugged-good looks,” Lea gave a toothy grin, his braces reflecting the lights from the tree.  

Isa struggled to hold in a laugh but thought better of any sarcasm after remembering Lea had just been dumped.  “Complete lady-killer,” he reassured. 

Lea tugged on his side of the blanket and shuffled closer to Isa’s hip as he set matching packages on their laps.  They were from Ilan. 

Isa shook his own present gently and smiled.  “I think I remember—I mean,  _ know _ what this is…”

Lea looked sideways at Isa and smirked devilishly.  Lora was going to have a fit. Both of them peeled off the paper from their matching presents open, revealing large yellow plastic  _ Biff _ guns. 

"Looks like Clay won't be bothering you anymore," Isa said with a grin. A package of orange darts landed on his lap from the box.

“YES!  Vengeance is ours!”  Lea shouted.

“Ilan!”  They heard from the kitchen.  “You didn’t buy them those stupid gun things, did you?!”

“I love you, honey?”

Lea ignored the next choice words that Lora had for her husband.  Upon seeing the brand on the box, he ripped the plastic casing apart, loaded his gun with a few suction darts, and fired them across the living room.  One stuck to the ceiling and would remain there until Ilan fished it down the next day. Another silently disappeared as the old Gardener cat, Snowball, reached out from under the couch and dragged it to his lair.   

Isa didn't bother opening his gun and playing with it. To be honest, toys like this had never held much of his interest.  He had just enjoyed seeing Lea have fun, and once again watched with amusement as the redhead went wild. Lea shot every dart and fell back against the floor, a pleased smile across his face after his cartridge was spent.   _ His stupid grin probably looks the same when something else is spent _ , Isa thought with a snort.  He quickly shook the thought from his head and reached for another present.

There were a few boxes that Piers had left with the Gardeners before his business trip.  It was surprising that Piers even cared a little, but Isa and Lea already knew they contained only clothes and school supplies.  Before Isa had woken up, Lea had opened his boring presents from his parents as well. In other words, there was one more box for each of them:  their own gifts to each other.

Still on the ground, Lea reached over his head and grabbed Isa’s present.  He shook it gently above him.

“Can ya guess what’s inside?”

From what Isa remembered of this year, Lea had been short on funds after buying a tennis bracelet for Leah.  He had managed to buy Isa a leather-bound journal with a white rabbit on the front, and otherwise gave him a bundle of small things:  candy, some cool pencils for school, and decals for their bikes. This was not the same box Isa remembered.

They exchanged presents and started to open, Lea tearing viciously and Isa meticulously undoing the wrapping.  Isa looked over between cutting the tape with his fingernail and was amused at Lea's current expression. Lea’s tongue was pinched between his teeth as he eagerly pulled out his new gadgets.  Isa had got him exactly what he had in the past, plus one more item: Lea's signature red frisbees, with Isa's hand-drawn firebomb painted in the centers. He had added a matching red yo-yo with the same firebomb painted on each side.

“Sweet,” Lea whispered, taking out the yo-yo and attempting some tricks.  Yo-yos were all the rage this year.

Isa went through his gift slowly, picking out the things he remembered getting before.  He held the journal close, sniffing the leather binding. He had used the book in the past for notes at school, but it felt so much more important now.  What he hadn’t expected was a large walkie-talkie. Isa couldn't help but laugh as he pulled it out of the box, raised an eyebrow, and looked at Lea curiously.

 

“So last night when you went to shower, dad took me back to the mall to return Leah’s gift.  Instead of keeping the munny, why not buy something cool for my best friend?” Lea smiled brightly and set down his yo-yo.  He crawled over to the ottoman, where he pulled out another walkie-talkie he had conveniently placed last night.

“They’re long-distance,” he said with a blush.  “I uh… Well, I never thought of this before because you’re always here.  But sometimes you’re not. And now we don’t have to go over each other’s houses or ask to use the phone.  Just turn it on every night at seven, and we can be together when we’re not.”

Lea turned the dial on his walkie-talkie.  “Come in Blue Moon, this is Big Red. Do you read?”

The walkie-talkie in Isa’s hand lit up and mirrored Lea, with the volume down low-enough to cancel the echo.

“Loud and clear.  Over.” A faint smile slowly crept onto Isa’s face as he toyed with the dial on the walkie and changing the volume.  The way he inspected the object in his hands, he must have thought it was made of gold. "This is... probably the best gift you could have ever got me," Isa whispered, feeling his throat tighten.  He had no idea how this would affect the future, but he couldn’t have changed this Yule vacation any better. This sweet, innocent child was the Lea he had fallen in love with. Somewhere under the irritability and bitterness of his own Lea, beyond the far-off melancholy looks and defensive shields of laughter, there was an innocent boy who wanted nothing more than to spend every day with his best friend.  How had Isa never seen it? Lea already loved him now, whether or not the boy realized it.

Isa suddenly leapt from the ground.  He wrapped his arms around Lea's shoulders and the force sent both of them tumbling to the floor.  “Happy Yule, Lea,” he said, tears at the corners of his eyes.

Lea squeezed back. “Happy Yule, Isa.”

For a moment they laid there, watching the lights twinkle on the ceiling.  Lily lifted Reid from his pen and made her way for the kitchen. When they were left alone, Isa turned and gave Lea a familiar dark grin.  

"Now I've got you." Isa held Lea down as he started to tickle the redhead, making sure to avoid any knee-jerk kicks.

“No!  Come on!  This was supposed to be a—ahahahah!”

It was all over once Isa’s hands reached his chest.  Lea was extremely ticklish on the ribs. Lea’s arms and legs flailed as he tried to curl up for defense.  Hands blindly searched for the back of Isa’s knees or under his armpits, but the advantage had been lost upon being pinned.

“I can’t— breathe!”  Lea laughed. “Mercy!”

Finally letting Lea go, Isa had to catch his own breath from laughter. He scooted back and re-wrapped himself in his new blanket. "You can get me back later when we go out in the snow.  You can smack me in the face with a snowball or something." A snowball fight was inevitable with Lea. What Isa really wanted was to lay in the snow and stare at the tree branches against the blue sky, but he felt that was too deep for a thirteen-year-old to say.

“You… really… shouldn’t give me ideas,” Lea chuckled, recovering his breath.

“You’ll have forgotten about all of this by the afternoon,” Isa teased.  “Now come on and put your stuff away. I think the pancakes are done.”

Isa finished off his coffee and took the empty mug out to the sink, leaving Lea to play with his new toys. "Thank you for the gifts,” Isa said to Lora and Ilan, who were setting the table for the traditional Yule breakfast.  Isa knew he still had to open what his father got him, but it was always just clothes. Of course, he knew he could use the jacket that was in one of the boxes. It had kept him warm from what he could remember, and spring was going to bring a blizzard that would snow in the whole town for a weekend.  Without thinking, Isa returned to the living room and started to clean up his mess.

“Isa,” came a quiet voice, serious but not unkind.

He turned around to find Ilan, still with the jovial smile he always wore on his face.  Unlike Lea, who was playing with his yo-yo without attention to the rest of the world, he was serene, more like his eldest son’s typical demeanor.  

Mister Gardener raised an eyebrow at him but joined in gathering the excess wrapping paper and cardboard from the floor.  He took Isa’s pile in his hands and compressed it into a giant trash bag where all of the extra Yule present wrappings his gone.  When they were finished cleaning, he set an arm around Isa and ruffled his hair.

“Thanks for helping out,” he said before lowering his voice.  “Anyway. Isa. I just want you to know that your father gave us a very generous gift this year.  I’m not sure why, but… it means a lot to Lora and me. I know you and your father don’t get along very well on most days, but it would be good to thank him for us.  We’ll have to send something his way, of course, but he really did us a favor this year.”

Isa's heart sat in his throat as Ilan spoke to him. He had stolen that money, and soon Piers would find out. Isa prayed that he wouldn't be around for the beating, though he would experience it either way. "Maybe he had a change of heart this year?"  The teen forced a smile, the tone in his voice revealing that he didn't believe his own lie one bit.

Ilan wrapped his arms around Isa and pressed a kiss into the crown of his head.  “Whatever the case, you have been and always will be welcome in my home at any hour of the day, son.  Happy Yule.”

When Ilan called him “son”, Isa felt warm.  He never pictured Ilan like a father, but more like a fun uncle. "Happy Yule, dad."  He meant it only to tease, but it felt right to say it. Ilan had more of a presence in Isa’s life than his own father ever had.

  
  


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

  
  


The rest of Yule was just as perfect as Isa remembered.  Breakfast had left the family stuffed, and they all sat down together to watch a movie as they digested.  Afterward, Lea and Clay took on Isa and Avery in a snow fight. (Isa had been correct; no snowballs ever hit his face.)   It had been a reluctant tie, but Lea continued to claim well past dinner that his team had won. Later that night, Isa took his spot on the good mattress and allowed Lea to join him as a gracious victor.  At first, it had been a joke, but they fell asleep pressed against one another the moment Isa wrapped them up in his new blanket.

After Yule, the last days of vacation passed uneventfully, but the closer it came to ending, Isa grew more anxious. This was a long time to be inhabiting this body.  If Isa wasn’t really stuck here this time, would his past self have these memories after the next seizure, or would everything go blank? He made several attempts to write something for himself in his leatherbound journal, but every time he became frustrated and shredded everything.  The only thing that remained written on the first page was "time traveling sucks." 

The sense of dread hit its climax on the day Piers returned from his business trip.  Isa was awake early and made no protest to return home, but he knew that the devil was waiting for him with all the fury of hell.  When Ilan drove him home in the business pick-up truck—Ilan found the family mini-van too embarrassing to drive around Piers—Isa was silent in the passenger seat, his palms growing sweatier with every passing house.  By the time they parked in front of the manor, Isa’s stomach was a paralyzed bundle of knots. 

Isa looked pathetically to Ilan.  "Thank you for letting me stay for a while, Ilan."

“Eh, when was the last time you celebrated Yule with your father anyway,” Ilan chuckled while turning the key.  He undid his seatbelt and looked mockingly serious to his passenger. “God forbid you actually stay at your own house during the holiday.”

Isa’s gifts were tucked neatly into two larger boxes, one of which he gave to Isa.  When they reached the front door, Piers was already waiting in the threshold. He took one of the boxes from Ilan and set it at the foot of the stairs and sent  Isa was to his bedroom to unpack while the men exchanged their mandatory small talk.

Ilan and Piers had never really seen eye-to-eye about anything.  They had gone to the same high school, but Ilan, Lora, and Isa’s mother had only been there due to scholarships, whereas Piers had come from money.  While Ilan focused on the 4-H club and telecommunications like the nerd he had been, Piers was captain of the wrestling team in the winter and the soccer MVP in the spring and summer.  Ilan went on to marry his high school sweetheart, whereas Piers focused on becoming a successful businessman and somehow landed Inez as a wife years later. Nonetheless, their wives had been friends since childhood.  Ilan and Piers tried their best to tolerate each other. After Inez’s passing, Ilan saw socializing as a way to keep Isa in his life where he was safer, and Piers saw it as a formality to satisfy an unspoken trust with his babysitter.

“Piers,” Ilan said, shaking his hand.  “I really want to thank you for your gift this year.  I… I’m rather embarrassed, but I guess you noticed how the shop was this last quarter.  I’m not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. Lora and I really needed to get a new van.  So thank you. Really. Stop by the shop any time and I will help you out. I’ll trim your trees in the spring, make ‘em look real nice.”

Piers shook Ilan’s hand and maintained a stalwart poker face, blinking several times to hide his confusion.  He stiffly managed a smile.

“It was my pleasure,” he lied with cool affection.  “Anything for you. You  _ are _ Isa’s second family, after all.”

They continued to talk for a few more minutes concerning the weather, recent sporting events, and the success of Piers’ business trip while Isa listened from the upstairs hallway.  When Ilan finally turned to go, Piers waited until the van was out of the drive before closing the door with a quiet click.

“Isa!”  He called upstairs.  His anger smoldered like hot coal ready to burst into flame with the slightest bit of tinder.    
  


Isa inhaled deeply, mustering the strength to face his father as he hid in the shadow of the wall.  There had been a sick feeling in his stomach since the night before, and now it seized his core, cold as ice.  The anxiety he was feeling, he hadn't truly felt in years, Xemnas being the last man to make it happen. It felt as if an icy pair of wraith-like hands wrapped Isa’s throat, freezing his words and slowing his bones from action.  Isa could best his father in a fight as an adult, but as a tiny boy of barely thirteen, he could be completely torn apart by Piers’ meaty hands. There was trouble in the near future, and Isa was at fault for it.

Hands shaking, Isa stepped out into the light and stood at the top of the stairwell.  Seeing the steely glare, Isa nearly fainted from the fear. He swallowed his fear and took several steps down. "Yes, Father?" 

“Come here, boy,” Piers growled, pointing to a spot only a foot away from him.  “All the way.” 

When Isa approached, his father crossed his arms and glared daggers, hiding a storm of rage behind his trembling snarl.  It was already a red flag that Pier’s words remained level and his voice low. He was bottling his rage and preparing it for an explosion.

“Pray tell,” he whispered, “what my Yule gift to the Gardeners was this year?  Just how generous was I?”

Isa's hands were balled tightly into fists, and his arms shook violently. His blue eyes looked up at Piers, wide and terrified.  The same eyes looked at him when Inez was alive. Isa got so much of his mother, that if he were to grow his hair long and dye it black, he could be a nearly exact replica.  Despite this, it did nothing to keep Piers from hitting him when punishment was due. Isa wondered if his father had ever secretly hit his mother.

"Y-you gave them some... munny."  Isa had no choice but to tell the truth.  One beating now was better than a second one later when Piers found out his son lied to his face.

“So I’m assuming you went into my personal safe,” Piers said, flexing his fingers.  They cracked loudly as he clenched and unclenched his massive fists. “This means you’ve not only stolen money from me, your father—the man who provides you  _ everything _ you see before you now—but you spied on me enough times to know where I keep the key.”

He drew closer to Isa and bent down, matching eye level.  An overwhelming smell of cigarette smoke wafted up Isa’s nostrils, enough to make him choke.  More than likely, Piers had smoked expensive cigars throughout his “business trip” and had chain-smoked in the car on the way home.  The olfactory sense triggered even more anxiety. The moment Piers invaded Isa's personal space he finally looked away, down to the floor, stifling a cough from the smell. He was reminded why he never started smoking and why he despised Lea's brief smoking phase while in the Organization. 

“How  _ much _ ?”  Piers spat the words as his eye twitched.

Isa’s throat hurt from holding back the urge to cry. He flinched and shook more as spittle landed on his cheek. "F-f..." He paused, swallowed and tried again. "Five hundred... thousand."  His voice had quieted to a whisper even as he spoke it. Maybe he had taken a little too much...

“Five hundred _thousand_?”   Piers’ eyes nearly bulged out of his head.  To the Gardeners, half a million munny was life-giving bread from the gods, but to Piers, it was a single paycheck.  It was comparably little, but even so, that was eighty hours of his hard-spent work—if he had actually worked for it.

Absolute silence took over the foyer as Isa’s father stood back up, straightening his back.  The silence itself was so loud, Isa could hear the ringing in his ears. 

Then, as fast as he would have predicted, with the same speed and fury he would one day possess as a berserker, Isa was thrown across the hall and into the glass coffee table, which shattered under the force of his body.  Shards flew across the foyer, scattering light like a rainbow firework. The noise was like a gunshot, so deafening it would have set off the alarms had the manse been armed.

“ **_YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT!_ ** ”

Pieces of glass were biting into Isa’s flesh.  The pain of hitting his spine against the metal frame had barely registered when Piers stormed over and raised him by the shoulders.  Without giving any time for recovery, Piers slammed Isa with full force against the wall, and his head knocked against the perfectly-laid wallpaper.  Isa felt spots of hot wet blood smearing on the wall behind him when Piers slammed him back again. 

And then he did it again.

And again.

And again, until Isa was seeing stars.

Isa couldn't remember a time in his life where he was in so much pain.  He was too weak—too completely stunned to scream for help as tears poured down his eyes—but he feebly reached out his small hands to Piers' arms in an attempt to pry him off.  His hands were too small to even wrap around one wrist. Isa attempted a kick at Piers’ stomach, but he was too dizzy.

“P-please!   _ Dad!   _ Y-You’re k-k-killing me!”

“GOOD!  I DIDN’T RAISE A FUCKING THIEF!”

With all the blood trickling down the boy's face, it was impossible to see that his nose had started to bleed too. Isa tried again to pull Piers away, vision completely blurred from blood mixing into his tears.  Even though his father held him by the shoulders, he felt like he was choking—drowning. Then he went limp, beginning to seize. Everything went black, his body still searing with white-hot pain.

The last image Isa saw was a rage-blind glare in his father’s eyes.

 

 


	9. Interlude:  Sea Salt Trio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger Warning** : Suicidal ideation.

"Axel."

_Nothing._

"Lea?"

_Nothing._

"AXEL!"

_Still silence._

 

Roxas had been at the bedroom door for a full minute, knocking intermittently and calling his friend's name. He had never realized how long sixty seconds could feel when it passed in silence without the expected answer.

At first, It was irritating.  Axel had been a heavy sleeper like no other, and if given the opportunity, he could have slept for a week.  Lea was a lighter sleeper, so Roxas knew he had to have woken him up with a simple knock and a shout. When Lea didn’t answer after the first try, Roxas jiggled the door handle and found the bedroom locked.  He had thought he could just go inside and jump on Lea. After seven verbal attempts, something didn’t feel right.

It had been a week since Isa and Lea had ‘interacted’ in the yard.  Roxas used that word as an umbrella term because Lea hadn’t bothered to tell him and Xion what had happened.  Before Isa spotted them in the window, he saw Isa hugging Lea. From the looks of it, Lea had been crying, too.  A few minutes later, Isa stormed into the house and slammed his bedroom door behind him. Lea had remained in the yard for a good fifteen minutes.  There were so many questions, but when he came in with an exhausted look in his hollow eyes, neither Roxas nor Xion had the heart to stop him on his way to his room.  After that, Roxas hadn’t seen much of Lea in a week. He went to work, came home late, and slept. Roxas and Xion had been taking up his cooking days.

Now it was Lea’s day off, and he wasn’t answering his door.  He had never slept in this late. Roxas’s stomach felt like it was sinking.  Something was _off_ about this behavior.

"I'm going to use the Keyblade on this door, Axel!"

_Bing!_

Roxas had almost summoned his Keyblade when his phone went off.  He hurriedly reached into his pocket and looked down at the lock screen:

  


 

> **Flaming Dorkwad**
> 
> leave me tf alone man

  


"Come on, Axel.  What happened with you and Saïx?  It's been a week. You haven’t showered, you haven’t eaten, and you haven’t helped out with your share of the chores. You need to be an adult."

_Bing!_

  


 

> **Flaming Dorkwad**
> 
> i can do that shit later

  


Axel clearly wasn't in the mood to talk, but he still bothered to text.  Roxas had an idea.

"Fine, we'll do this your way."

Abandoning the bedroom door, Roxas walked downstairs into the livingroom and fell into the couch.  Xion was at the kitchen table studying for exams. Since becoming “real” people, Roxas and Xion had made the joint decision to try this “school thing”.  Their combined knowledge of Radiant Garden history was nonexistent, but they had managed to test into the tenth grade, whatever that meant. Strangely enough, Roxas knew basic mathematics, grammar, biology, and history of the Destiny Islands, and Xion, likewise, knew many of the same things, with the addition of advanced mathematics and the sciences.  Neither of them had the memories behind this knowledge, but they knew it stemmed from Sora. Lea surmised that Vexen had programmed the puppets with basic scientific knowledge, explaining why Xion knew other things. As much as Roxas hated his connection to Sora, he was grateful for the chance to be somewhat normal. There was also one thing they shared in common:  he liked to procrastinate. Studying could wait while his friend’s wellbeing was on the line.

Roxas curled up with his phone in front of his face, occasionally looking over at Xion through the entryway.

  


 

> **Me**
> 
> Axel.  I’m gonna come out and say it.
> 
> You’re depressed.
> 
>  
> 
> **Flaming Dorkwad**
> 
> wtf are you talking about
> 
>  
> 
> **Me**
> 
> Ever since me and Xion moved in, I've picked up on how you laugh things off and pretend like you're just peachy.  
> 
> You're not.
> 
> You’re not the same guy who used to sit with us and eat ice cream.
> 
> Not that that’s a bad thing, but you seem so…sad?
> 
> I’m worried.
> 
>  
> 
> **Flaming Dorkwad**
> 
> U done?
> 
>  
> 
> **Me**
> 
> You gonna talk about this?
> 
>  
> 
> **Flaming Dorkwad**
> 
> dude i'm just tired
> 
> im older than you and i wear out easier
> 
>  
> 
> **Me**
> 
> Calling bullshit.
> 
> You could practically run a marathon back in the Org.
> 
> Also, you’re only like 27?
> 
>  
> 
> **Flaming Dorkwad**
> 
> Language
> 
>  
> 
> **Me**
> 
> Oooh, I said shit.  I’m so sorry grandpa.
> 
>  
> 
> **Flaming Dorkwad**
> 
> why wont u leave me alone
> 
>  
> 
> **Me**
> 
> I'm giving you the option to talk it out without being face to face
> 
> Since we moved in, you’ve focused on me and Xion and haven't actually talked about your own problems
> 
>   
> 

Roxas watched the "Seen 12:12" notification and the clock on his phone.  He waited patiently, but by the time his phone hit 12:20, he sighed and was prepared to head back to the bedroom.  Hell or high water, he was going to get Lea out of bed. Suddenly, his phone made another notification sound.

  


 

> **Flaming Dorkwad**
> 
> You are 16.  I don't exepct you toreally grasp  what i'm going through, but... The laughing is real.  it's not fake. i just don't know what i feel otherwise.  I can still getup and go to wrok. i’m still a functional adult. Ii just dont really care about anything elese lately.
> 
>   
> 

Before Roxas could get through a response, Lea added another text.

  


 

> **Flaming Dorkwad**
> 
> Not to be a jerk,  but you didnt exist before now.  i had a childhood here. This was my parents house, and i had a life before you and i’m strugglin to figure out how i get back into it.  Can you really clall me depressed if i still laugh and do the other stuff?
> 
>   
> 

Roxas wasn’t surprised by the amount of typos. Since they had bought phones, Lea had never cared what his thumbs did.  Roxas _was_ rather shocked at the wall of text erupting on his phone.  This was a start, at least, but it was quite the question with which he finished.  Roxas was by no means a psychologist, and he was certain that since Lea was the one who typically gave advice, he already knew the answer to his question.  Had he actually forgotten the truths in his own heart?

  


 

> **Me**
> 
> I *can*
> 
> You have a habit of pretending you don't have problems, Axel.  Cause you don’t want to worry us.
> 
> I promise you’re not a burden.
> 
> So when you want to admit that you’re depressed and you need help, I’m here for you.  Okay?
> 
> I'm not gonna force the subject, but I want you to know that me and Xion care

  
  


More radio silence.  Roxas knew that he had made a good argument.  Whether or not Axel decided to come out of his shell was up to him, but the conversation had given Roxas some peace of mind.  He heaved a sigh and picked up the book for his literature assignment.

About half an hour after Roxas’ last text, there came the sounds of floorboards creaking upstairs.  Roxas set his book against his chest and listened keenly. Behind him, he heard the sound of a scratching pencil stop.  Xion was listening too. Although faint, the house was quiet enough that they both heard the clicking of a lock and a door swinging open.  Lea descended the stairwell.

“Hi Lea—auughh!”  Xion had been so surprised at the sight of him, she fell backwards on her chair.  Roxas rolled from the couch and started crawling over to help, but she stuck up an arm.  “I’m okay.”

Roxas looked up from the carpet and froze on all fours from the horror.

Both of the kids ignored the fact that Lea was only sporting a pair of flannel boxers.  Roxas once had the misfortune of waking Lea up to discover he slept in the buff. He appreciated for Xion’s sake that Lea bothered to put anything on at all, but as they slowly became a family instead of three friends living together, seeing Lea half-clothed had become a norm.  It wasn’t Lea’s naked chest that had upset Xion.

No, there was something far more horrific about the redhead that Roxas and Xion had never seen before.  Lea had reached into the fridge and drained the last of the orange juice directly from the bottle. When he was done, he wiped his mouth.  The absence of bottle and limb finally exposed Roxas’ virgin eyes to the bright-red beard and mustache which had started invading Lea’s face.

“Whoa, Lea!  You… _Wow_.  You haven’t shaved in a week, have you?”  Xion hid her surprised gasp behind her hands.

“Yes.  Actually, probably two.  As noted by the fact I look like a lumberjack.  Next question?”

“Dude, when was the last time you showered?  You look like you smell like pee.” Roxas' nose twitched involuntarily.

Lea paused and scratched his face.  “…When was Saturday?”

“Oh god,” Xion gagged silently.  “It’s Saturday _now._ Lea, you really need to take care of yourself.”

“Well aware.  Adulting is hard, sometimes.”

Roxas pushed himself off the ground and rubbed his temples.  He approached Lea with a disappointed sigh and an irritable glare, just like the parent Lea was supposed to be for them.  He gingerly took him by the shoulder and started dragging him back towards the foyer. Lea did, in fact, smell. By the grace of the universe, it wasn’t a urine scent, but he did smell like body odor, covered in cologne, with more body odor covering that.

“Let’s go, Axel.”

“What?  Where?"

“You’re going to shave and shower, and I’m going to stand there watching you if I have to.”

  


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

  


Lea had grown enough facial hair that a rough trim with the electric shaver was required before he could properly get down to the skin.  Roxas had been rather impressed by Lea’s genetic ability. Although unused for a decade, Lea found that his father’s electric shaver in the vanity cabinet still worked.  He plugged it in and silently set to removing the top layer of hair. Amid the gentle buzzing, Roxas remained silent and watched curiously while leaning in the bathroom doorway.

“I should try to let it grow out one day,” Lea mumbled, starting to apply shaving cream to his face after the initial run-through.  “It’s a pain in the ass though. I have no idea how redheads get brown beards sometimes. Count your blessings that you’re blond, Rox.”

“I uh… don’t even have to shave yet,” Roxas replied, scratching his head with an embarrassed side glance.

“Well, count yourself lucky some more.  It’s genes, Roxas. Some guys really don’t grow facial hair.  But if you ever need to learn, I’m here for you. You gotta do it right, or you’ll cut yourself.”

That was Lea.  No matter what he was feeling on the inside, he never let it show.  From the moment Roxas and Xion had come back, he had taken them under his wing as a friend, a big brother, and a parent.  He provided. He protected. Roxas wanted to give something back to him for such selflessness.

“Lea,” Roxas said softly.  As expected, Lea stopped shaving and lowered his razor hand to the counter, staring back at him through the mirror’s reflection.  Roxas still preferred to use his nickname unless he was being serious. “You really do seem a lot… sadder these days. I was serious.  Xion and I are worried about you.”

Lea snorted and gave a gentle smile, returning to his grooming.  “I’m fine, buddy. Really. It’s just hard getting back to a normal life after… what?  Thirteen years of Xehanort’s war games? Even Sora and Riku only had a handful of years taken away from them.  I don’t actually know how to occupy myself now that it’s over.”

“So you’re just bored?”

“Eh.  Bored.  Tired. Maybe you’re right about the depressed part, a bit.  Po-tay-to, po-tah-to.”

A slight pause in the conversation.  Lea worked on his upper lip, deftly using short strokes as he stretched the skin by grimacing.

“You seem especially out of sorts since last Saturday,” said Roxas.  “Does this have anything to do with Saïx?”

“He’s Isa, Rox.  When you call him that, he gets offended, ya know.”

“Fine.  Did something happen with _Isa_ that upset you?”

“Not in particular.  I just kinda had a moment about something else.”

“Xion and I saw you crying, and he was hugging you.”

“Oh, you were watching from the window, were you?  You little shit.”

Roxas’s reflection in the mirror gave a wide, toothy grin.  His blue eyes sparkled with mischief that would have given a young Lea a run for his munny.  Lea would never tell him how the resemblance between him and Sora was still shockingly similar.  Their lives were going to remain intertwined to the end of their days, no matter how hard the poor boy fought for his own identity.

“Can I not have a moment with my friend in private?”  Lea said, still eyeing Roxas from the mirror.

“Are you friends, then?  Because from what I’ve seen the last few months, you and Sa—er, Isa—look like you hate each other.”

“We don't _hate_ each other.  Isa and I grew up together!  Our moms were friends since high school and we literally had play dates since before I can even remember.  We're just trying to find ourselves right now, and it's led to some disagreements. But I’ll be damned if I let this friendship go to hell.”

“Okay, okay, I get it.  I just… What happened when Sa—dammit.  I’ll get this, I swear,” Roxas corrected himself and shook his head.  “What happened when Isa shooed us away from the window?”

Lea had been going down the side of his neck.  Roxas’ question brought the fresh memories before his eyes again, and he glazed over for a brief second.  He came to with a wince, a fresh nick in his neck now erupting with a tiny bead of blood.

The interruption was welcome, despite the frustrated groan he let out.  Lea opened several drawers looking for a styptic pen while pressing a tissue to his neck.  Of course it would be in the last drawer he remembered putting it. He turned on the sink, ran it under the water, and pressed the pen to the cut with a muffled hiss.

 _Bless the pain for the distraction_ , he thought.

“We uh…”  Lea sighed, delicately handling his words.  Roxas deserved the truth, and there was no way he was going to earn Roxas’ trust if he didn’t also share.  They themselves were still struggling to get past their dispute over Xion’s identity. Lea couldn’t keep hiding secrets anymore.

“I kinda got caught up in the emotion and kissed him, I guess.”

“Eugh, gross!”  Roxas clenched his eyes as if he could remove the mental image by shielding them.

“Jeez, Rox,” Lea said bitterly, his eyes narrowed.  “I didn’t take you for a homophobe.”

“What?”  Roxas’ eyes tore open.  He stopped leaning and approached Lea at the sink.  “No, no, no! I’m not grossed out by that! I mean… I didn’t realize you _go_ that way.  I thought you liked girls. But it's… _Saïx_ ?   _Really_?”

Lea sighed.  “One, I’m attracted to whatever.  Bisexuality is a thing, Rox. Two, it’s _Isa_.  Get it memorized already.  Three—well, three… I don't remember what I wanted to say for three.  But it’s a long story. You only knew Saïx for a year. I’ve known Isa for twenty-seven.  I really… I…”

Silence fell. Lea found himself unable to further express his emotions, but Roxas waited patiently.  After a minute of staring at himself in the mirror, Lea continued shaving, finishing off the rest of his beard.  He splashed some cool water over his face, patted dry with a towel, and turned to the doorway.

“Do you love him?”  Roxas asked bluntly.  He stared up into Lea’s eyes innocently enough, mouth turned downward in a concerned frown.

“I dunno.  Maybe? I mean… I always loved him as a friend, but now it's…  I don’t know! I love him like— No, wait, it's like... Dammit, Reid!  Why do you have to go and annoy me? Get out so I can get naked and take a shower already!”

Roxas continued to stare back at Lea, but now he was confused.  His brows furrowed.

“Who’s Reid?”

The words hit Lea like a heart attack.  He had gone to turn on the shower faucet but spun around on his heel and looked at the boy in the doorway.  For a brief moment, he had actually thought he was looking at his baby brother—a blurry memory turning into a photograph.  When the edges sharpened, Roxas popped out of the foreground and thoughts of Reid faded.

“No one,” Lea snapped, his eyes welling up.

“Doesn’t seem like that.”

“Fine.  My brother.  It was a slip of the tongue.  We can talk about it later.”

“But—“  Roxas opened his mouth to protest, but he was cut off.  

“Roxas, I really want to shower.  I’m getting cold. Either you get out or you’re about to know me a little more intimately.”

Lea looped his thumbs into his boxers and glared, threatening to disrobe right there.  Roxas rolled his eyes and turned away, closing the door behind him.

“You won’t get away that easily!”  Roxas shouted through the wall.

Lea was already leaning against the counter as the steam began to collect on the mirror.  “Yeah,” he whispered with head hung low.

  


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

  


“Well hello there, stranger.  Who’s this clean-cut guy that smells nice?”

“Very funny, Xion.”

Lea bristled Xion’s scalp with a gentle taunt as he passed her on his way to the kitchen.  Almost an hour after Roxas had dragged him to the bathroom, he was smelling like mint with his wet hair hanging limply down the back of his sweatshirt.  It might have been his hair that made him look deflated, but as he stood in front of the open fridge with a blank stare, Xion couldn’t help but notice how his clothes were hanging off of his bones.  He looked no different from when she had first met him, but when the three of them had come to Radiant Garden, his physique had been altered from wielding a keyblade for a year. Now the extra bulk to his back and chest had vanished.  He had always worn a perpetual look of fatigue on his face since before the Keyblade War, but without the exuberance of his swordsman physique, it was all she could notice.

“Hey Axel,” Roxas called from the living room.  “Xion and I are taking a study break. Come have a lazy Saturday and play some video games with us.”

“Yeah, and how much did you actually study this morning before taking a break?”  Lea pulled the milk out from the fridge, sniffed it, and put it back. It had smelled okay, but he suddenly wasn’t in the mood for cereal.

“Dude, being sixteen is tough.  Gimme a break.”

“Uh…huh.  You know, when _I_ was sixteen, I was forced into a cult and and had to fight otherworldly monsters.  You never saw _me_ complaining.”

Roxas’ sigh was audible into the kitchen.  ”That is _completely_ unfair.  Also, all you ever did was complain how you wanted to take a nap!”

“Hey, hey, hey.  Naps are _important_ , Roxas.”  Lea attempted to be serious.  Their eyes met across the room through the living room archway, both of them attempting intimidating glares.  Lea was the first to crack, his snort turning into laughter. “How about we watch a movie? I’m not in the mood for games.”

“Oooh!  I’ll make popcorn!”  Xion exclaimed behind Lea.  She quickly opened the pantry cupboard and scoured the shelves for a bag of microwave popcorn.  Before Roxas could make a decision, she had the plastic wrap off and tossed it into the microwave.

“Two to one, buddy. Democracy.”

“Fiiine.”

Lea smirked and opened the freezer.  “We got some ice cream around here, too.  Not bars, unfortunately, but I think I had a spare pint.”

Within five minutes, the mood had changed.  Xion had a giant bowl of popcorn to share, and Lea brought a pint of vanilla ice cream with three spoons.  (Roxas admitted to finishing off the last of the sea salt flavor. To the three of them, it was good enough to have the salty popcorn mixing with the sweet vanilla.)  Lea had made a few adjustments to the television and connected what he called a “VCR” into the screen. Xion had vague memories of the strange boxy contraption that went inside it, and Lea explained that he had never grown up with movies on discs.  She and Roxas gave Lea skeptical frowns as the video sparked to life with crackly audio and faded picture.

“How _old_ is this movie again?”

“Older than you, Rox.  Hey— don’t you give me that look. This is a _classic_.  Me and my brothers used to watch this every summer vacation.  We’re long overdue.”

It was rare for Lea to mention his family with purpose, let alone in passing.  Normally he had always been so guarded. It had taken months to discover Lea even had a last name.  Roxas and Xion had asked about his family before, but the only way they discovered he had been the middle child of five was by snooping in the attic and discovering old photo albums.  Lea's family remained otherwise unknown. The smiling faces in his photographs had no stories to go with them.

For Lea to bring up his brothers meant that he was relaxed today.  He had said names and mentioned brief stories in the past, but Xion could never guess who was who.  Most of the time, she and Roxas would casually try to push for more discrete answers “on the sly” as Lea would say.  Sometimes Lea would give a basic answer to appease them, but many times Lea grew cold and distant or got angry and changed the subject.  From the moment they had moved here, it was clear Lea’s family was gone. It visibly affected him. Why wouldn’t he want to talk about them, though?  Didn’t it hurt to go through that all alone?

Xion didn’t have the heart to interrupt the conversation with questions once the movie started.  Lea had settled between the two of them, and despite his wet hair, he radiated a comfortable heat.  They dug into the shared pint of ice cream in Lea’s hands while huddling under an oversized blanket, and she couldn’t help but feel that everything in this moment was perfect.  Xion had never had siblings, and she didn’t have memories of them from Kairi or Sora. What she did know was how the trio on the Destiny Islands would sit just like this when they were kids.  This is what family did on lazy Saturdays.

“What the hell.  Axel. This movie is so dumb,” Roxas laughed.  “Just look at those costumes! And the dialogue!  It’s so cheesy.”

“That’s why it’s great!  You don’t watch old movies for the quality!  You watch them to make fun of ‘em!”

As the movie passed by, the three of them got more comfortable.  Roxas started talking to the screen, while Lea made wisecracks or educational commentary.  Xion quietly munched at her popcorn while cuddling into Lea’s side, occasionally closing her eyes when moments became too gorey.  It was obviously fake blood, but some of the scenes still made her squeamish. Within an hour and a half, the popcorn and ice cream were demolished.  Roxas had drifted into Lea’s lap, and Xion was resting comfortably with her head in the nook of Lea’s arm as he wrapped it around her shoulders.

“Oh my god, they aren’t going back in there, are they?”  Roxas sat up and leaned closer to the television, gripping his knees.  “Don’t go back! You idiots!”

“OHHH!”  Roxas and Xion shouted at the same time as the expected chainsaw revving sounded through the speakers.

“Yep.  That happened.”

“That’s it?  That’s the end of the movie?” Xion muttered.  “It just ends with all that blood. Wow.”

“And you watched this with your _brothers_?”  Roxas laughed.  “Did your mom know?”

“Yeah,” Lea chuckled, brushing his nose to hide his grin.  “My dad was a big horror movie fan. She hated it, but he corrupted us from a young age.”

Until now, Xion’s eyes had been glued to the screen, the same as Roxas.  As the credits began to roll, she slowly moved her gaze to Lea’s face and noticed that same far-off look in his eyes when he talked about his family.  He was going to close up if Roxas asked another question. He had already reached his limit. She tried to nudge Roxas’ foot from under the blankets, but it was too late.

“So…what’s up with calling me Reid, earlier?”  Roxas asked, quirking a dirty blond eyebrow.

Lea inhaled sharply but slightly—a small puff of air catching in his throat.  It was hard to notice it at all, but Xion was still resting comfortably against his side.  Xion glared at Roxas from the sideline.

“You… look like him,” Lea mumbled, eyes drifting to the floor.  “Can we not talk about me? I just wanted to have a good movie day with you guys and forget about everything.”

“Sorry Ax—Lea.  I just… you know.  We’re curious. We _want_ to know about you.  You know everything about us, and we hardly know anything about you.  We know Axel, but we’re living with Lea.”

“I… appreciate you guys.  Honest. I know you care. But I’m just not ready yet.  You need to quit pushing the issue.”

“Sorry,” Roxas bowed his head.  “We can watch another movie if you want?”

“Nah,” Lea said, untangling himself from Xion and standing up.  “I forgot that I have a date tonight. I’m gonna go take a nap and then get ready.”

“But you just woke up!”  Xion pouted.

“Yeah,” Roxas chimed.  “Please? Or how about just a couple rounds in Ultimate Fighter?”

“You know, I do love sleeping. You said it yourself.” Lea sighed and shoved his hands into his pockets.  With all his might he tried to hide the smirk creeping up his lips, but when these two ganged up on him with those puppy-dog eyes, it was hopeless.  “Ohhh...fine. _One_ round.  We'll go from there.”

“All right!  Dude, I'm gonna kick your ass.”

“Roxas, be nice!”

Lea sat back down on the couch while Roxas rearranged the television. As Xion had predicted, one game hadn't been enough.  After Roxas dominated the first round, Lea's competitive spirit returned to him with a vengeance. They spent the next hour trash-talking until Xion came out of nowhere, stealing the tournament trophy from under their noses. The looks on their faces had been priceless. Xion hadn't laughed so hard in a long time.  She almost choked as the two of them piled on top of her and the chaos devolved into a pillow war.

Funny how the saddest people could laugh through the pain.  She and Roxas never saw it coming.

  


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

  


The story of Radiant Garden was a tragedy.   

Radiant Garden had had the charm of a quaint country town with a population over one hundred thousand strong when Lea was a child.  With close to two hundred square kilometers for the populace to occupy, the city maintained its rural appeal and a sense of peace. The crime rates were so low, elementary-school children routinely went to stores unsupervised to help their parents with errands.  Although police forces existed, the population policed itself.

The city was shaped like a wheel, with the castle at the hub:  a symbol of the wealth of the people. The wise and respectable king, Ansem the Wise, was a patron of the arts and sciences and had led the nation to a technological golden age.  Although the royal family hadn’t had power for over a century—a parliament and an elected governor taking control of leadership over a century prior—the people still respected the old traditions.

The citizens never knew what transpired deep below the city in the heart of Ansem’s lab.  Originally an innocent quest to find the nature of the human heart and discover the truths of existence, the experiments grew darker under the guidance of Master Xehanort, posing as one of Ansem’s apprentices.  The rest of the story, as everyone knows, became the story of the Second Keyblade War.

But rarely did anyone talk about what befell the land or the people itself.

The heart of Radiant Garden was never swallowed by the Darkness.  The Heartless corrupted it, and the world incompletely crumbled. Parts collapsed into darkness, where the earth and its people were frozen in time within the Dark Realm.  Sadly, much of the land and its populace remained behind to be razed by Maleficent and her army. Those who escaped—or had been scattered to other worlds—forgot the very memory of their own homeland.  Those who remained behind were forced to worship their new queen or die.

Ten years later, when a young Keyblade wielder began restoring hearts of worlds, the worlds came back whole without memory of the shadows.  The people went about their lives with no recollection of their imprisonment, and, having been frozen in time, never aged. Now that the lost parts of Radiant Garden were restored, many people were shocked to discover what had happened.  Some children were now nearly the same age as their parents, while other families had separated further in age.

There were also the unfortunate souls who came back to find their homes destroyed, and likely, their friends and family murdered by the dark queen.

Lea had waited for two years now.  Like the others, he had forgotten this was his home until Sora’s Keyblade purified the world’s heart.  Risking punishment by Xemnas, he would sneak back to Radiant Garden and watch his house from down the street, always hoping to see Reid playing in the yard.  When he was no longer a Nobody, he came to the house and knocked, only to find it abandoned. The spare key had still been hidden in a hollowed rock in the garden.

Between Keyblade training and saving the world, it had taken a solid month for Lea to come home and remove the inch-thick layer of dust from every surface.  Over his visits, he laundered all of the linens, shampooed the carpets, and oiled the hardwood. He even attempted replanting grass and had managed to put roses back in his mother’s garden.  

The hardest part had been removing every memory of his family from the home.  

It wasn’t that Lea _wanted_ to forget his family, but every day that passed without them made his heart ache.  Seeing children’s art projects and family photos gave him anxiety, and every time he saw a smiling face on the walls, he wondered if they had suffered—if they were still suffering.  The more time that passed without sign of a single Gardener, the more personal belongings were tucked into boxes. All of the closets were eventually emptied into vacuum-sealed bags. By the time Roxas and Xion stepped over the threshold for the first time, they saw a decorated house without sign of its inhabitants.  It was not a home.

When he had first become a Somebody again, Lea would wake up and hope to see his aged parents, safe and happy.  Lea had even started to pray for the first time in a decade. Every time he went to bed, he silently asked a boon of the gods:   _Bring them all back to me._ When Xehanort was defeated and he had started to live in this house every day, he tried his hardest to be prepared for their arrival, as if his mother would walk through the door any minute.  But that minute never came. Every time he played video games with Roxas, he thought of Reid. Every time he helped Xion with her homework, he thought of Lily. All of the boxes and bags in the attic waited patiently for owners who never returned.

Half a year of this vigil had passed by in silent agony, and Lea had stopped praying.

It wasn’t his last argument with Isa which had broken his heart seven days ago, Lea thought as he numbly paged through an old family photo album.  That had only been the “icing on the cake”—if the cake were made of poison. Wounds had been made in his heart years ago, and slowly, they bled out hope.  There was a stab from the day Isa had finally succumbed to Xehanort’s control. There was a slash for Xion. There was a puncture for Roxas. These had healed as sanity and normalcy was restored to his life, but the gaping wound left by the loss of his family remained open.  Lea had been exsanguinated of hope long before he kissed Isa, and he didn’t have the light in his heart left to try and love him.

His dawning realization last Saturday had been a final nail in the coffin.  Lea was awakened to the truth in his heart: He was never going to get over the past.

Lea wiped the tears off his cheeks with the palm of his hand and closed his photo album after one last look.  He gave the book a gentle pat and left it on his bed, a sealed envelope lying on top.

“Where are you off to, looking so suave?”  Xion asked as Lea walked into the kitchen minutes later.  She and Roxas were doing their math assignment at the table.

“A suit?  Really, Axel?”  Roxas looked at him suspiciously.

Lea winked, hiding his abject misery with his usual flirtatious facade.  “Hey! I can take a lady to a place other than a bar, you know. I can do fancy.”

“And what’s in the bag?”

“Might need a change of clothes to come home in tomorrow...”

Both of the kids rolled their eyes.  There it was. The recent Lea, being a complete sleaze.  They knew he was doing it as some kind of vice. Roxas was annoyed, but often it made Xion uncomfortable.  Sora and Kairi had known the minimum basics of sex ed. They were grateful that Lea didn’t have to give them the full “birds and the bees,”  but naturally Roxas had questions. Lea always answered with more detail than necessary, and Xion had been present for far too many details. _Men could be so gross._

“Lea, just once, can you _not_ stay the night on the first date?”  Xion said with a frown.

Roxas snorted.  “First date? I don’t think he’s planning on second ones.  Just remember to use protection, Axel.”

“I should never have given either of you the sex talk.”

“Can we not talk about this?”  Xion grit her teeth and looked between the two.

“Blame Roxas,” Lea said, grabbing his keys from the rack.  “Anyway, I gotta go. There’s munny on my bed for some pizza.  Just remember to lock all the doors before bed. Okay?”

“Thanks, Lea,” Xion said with a smile.  Her head tilted to the side as she watched him hesitate in the doorway.  “Something the matter?”

Roxas turned in his chair, and Lea met both of their eyes with a weak smile.

“I just… I love you guys, okay?  Be safe.”

Xion smiled. “We love you too.”

“Quit being a dorkwad, Dorkwad.” Roxas snorted, but Xion kicked him under the table. “Agh, fine.  Love you too, dude. Have fun, be safe. We’ll be fine.”

  


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

_Xion.  Roxas._

_You were right._

_I’ve been pushing myself forward and I’m running on empty.  I thought that I could keep forcing myself to laugh and eventually I would be happy, but now I realize I’m not even sure I remember what happiness is.  I thought with you guys around I could remember. Have a normal life. If that didn’t work, I thought maybe I could go out to other worlds and help the them recover as some sort of penance, but—_

_I’ve spent the last twelve years travelling worlds, fighting for one thing or another, and I just don’t have it in me to keep fighting anymore.   It’s funny. We just joked about how I sleep too much. But I’m still tired, guys. I’m just so damn tired._

_This isn’t your fault.  It isn’t Isa’s. It isn’t anyone’s.  I don’t want you blaming yourselves._

_This is me saying good-bye.  I assume I'll be long gone by the time you find this._

_I’m sorry._ ~~_Just know_ ~~

_Just know that I loved you.  And remember the good times._

 

 

  * __Lea__



 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! 
> 
> This is Potato. If you've been following you'll notice that I changed my AO3 name. I've also retroactively changed the author's notes and tidied some things up.
> 
> This chapter was completely written by me. While Kyoya and I were still roleplaying through the scenes of the last chapter, I shocked her with this sad plot twist to motivate her into getting Isa back to the future. It worked.
> 
> I hope that Lea doesn't seem terribly out of character by these actions. In all of the KH3 trailers, you can tell he's 1000% done, and after all of the trauma from the Organization, I don't expect any of the members to escape without PTSD, depression, anxiety, and survivor's guilt. (I'm really hoping he gets a happy ending.)
> 
>  
> 
> As always, thank you for the Kudos! And please, *please* comment if you have time? Critique my writing, gossip, give me hate mail--I don't care. Anonymous or not, I just want to know who's reading. I will take the time to reply to every comment.
> 
>  
> 
> See you all in 2019.


	10. The Clocktower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger warning** : suicide attempt, suicidal ideation

Isa woke up coughing, choking on his own spit.

At first, he thought it was blood, but he couldn’t remember why.  Shouting and flailing his arms at an assailant who was long-since absent from this house,  he rolled to the side and subsequently fell off the couch. His body was spastic from the seizure, but looking down at his arms, he found it intact.  There was no cut flesh. His muscles revealed no bruises. The ghost of pain had seared over his body for a brief second before he fully came to awareness, but now it was a distant memory of injuries incurred fifteen years ago.  With a strange, sickening plummet in his stomach, the pain vanished and he was left to realize how surprisingly comfortable he was. Isa dug his hands into the carpet fibers, anchoring himself to this moment in time. The urge to vomit was overwhelming.

_ He was in the future again! _  He was alone after a seizure, but he was in his own house, aged nearly twenty-eight.  Most importantly, Piers Page was long dead. At least, that’s what was assumed.

Isa laid on his stomach and stayed that way for a long time—how long, he wasn’t certain—gathering his strength.  At first he remembered everything that had just happened, and it was traumatizing enough to freeze him in that spot.  But as he lay there on the dusty rug, the images were slowly replaced with dark spots on his mind. It took Isa far too long to realize he probably had memory loss from the incident.  His head ached with two sets of different memories, and if he closed his eyes, he almost had a third set of memories in which he was a bystander in the events of his own life, watching as his body moved and thought without his permission.

Isa groaned loudly, purging all three versions in his mind.  He pulled himself to sit on his knees, focusing only on this moment until he realized he was in the same place the glass table had been.  A shiver ran down his spine.

Unlike when his father reigned supreme, the thermostat was set at a toasty twenty-three Centigrade to offset the autumn chill.  The living room lights were still on, with a rosy-yellow glow illuminating the modern-posh furniture that had survived a literal apocalypse. Isa’s cup of coffee had gone cold where he left it, and judging by the increased darkness outside, he had been down in a post-ictal period for close to half an hour.  His phone, which had fallen to the floor, lit up with the time 19:15. Beneath the boldface clock was a lock screen message:

“You have one missed call from  **This Motherfucker** .”  A candid picture of Lea with half an ice-cream in his mouth stared up at him in confusion.

The call had only been about two minutes ago.  Although his phone had been on vibrate, he should have heard it rumbling.  He really had been lost in his own mind.

Isa rubbed his eyes and realized there was dried blood on his face. Slowly, with every joint in his back seeming to crack as he straightened it, he stood and made his way upstairs to wash.  Squinting under the overbearingly bright LEDs of his bathroom vanity, he grimaced at his reflection in the mirror. He looked like he had been hit by a truck. Blood was caked not only under his nostrils, but over his right cheek and some of his hair.  His bloodshot eyes were laden with dark bags. The X-shaped scar in the middle of his face, of which he was still self-conscious, looked especially daunting today. With a disappointed groan, Isa turned on the water and quickly splashed his face. His nose was still buried in his towel when his phone began to vibrate loudly against the ceramic.  Isa jumped involuntarily and rushed to answer the call. It was Lea again. 

“It’s about time,” he answered.

It only took a week, but Isa had been willing to wait at least a month before being the first to call.  As it were, he  _ had _ waited a month, even if it was in a different time.  Setting down the phone, he switched the call to the speakerphone and began brushing through his hair.

“H-hello?”

It wasn’t Lea calling him.  Strangely, it was Roxas on Lea’s mobile phone.  In the background was a horrible sound, like someone screaming and choking at the same time.  Isa could hear Roxas breathing rapidly and irregularly, probably as he ran around the house.

“He took our black coats!”  The voice in the background screamed.  She didn’t just sound distraught—she was in agony.  Somehow through the distortion, Isa could make out that it was Xion.

Isa paused mid-brushstroke when he heard Xion's voice. Something about her sobs made Isa feel sick to his stomach. Someone was hurt, or worse. He put his brush down when Roxas spoke. 

“Sh-shit,” Roxas mumbled, and he spoke into the phone again.  “Sa-Isa! Isa! P-p-please. T-t-tell me Lea is wi-with you!”

Isa had picked up his phone and was already halfway to his bedroom, grabbing a clean shirt and a pair of boots the moment he pushed the door aside.  His hands were cold as ice, numb and shaking with anxiety, which made his movements all the more difficult to control. He set the phone on the bed to change, struggling with his shoelaces.  

"He's not." Isa exhaled slowly, tried to remain calm. Why did Roxas sound like he was on the brink of tears?  "Roxas, what's going on?" 

There was a thud close to the speaker and a sob as if Roxas had slammed his forehead into the wall.

“Well!”  Xion screamed in the background.

“No!  He’s not there!”  Roxas shouted at her.

“Then we have to go out and find him!”

“With  _ what _ Xion?!  My skateboard?!  We’ll just steal and hotwire a car?  He might not even be on this world anymore!”

Roxas’s voice was hoarse.  Xion screamed angrily in the background and slammed a door.  

“He...left  _ hours _ ago,” Roxas whispered into the phone.  He sniffled and sucked what air he could get into his lungs, trying to remain calm enough to speak.  The emotion in the boy’s voice made it thick and hard to understand as it was.

“He— he’s been ac-acting w-weird  all w-week. And then he d-disapp…disappeared.  S-said he was going out on a date, but—! There was a note on the bed, Isa!  He took our coats! We d-don’t know where he is!”

Roxas pounded the wall and heaved another sob.  “Dammit! I should have noticed!”

Isa tied his boots tight. His heart was pounding, and when he stood up he felt dizzy.  "I’ll be over in five—” He paused. Lea had taken their cloaks, so he was clearly preventing them from going to another world.   “What did the note say, Roxas?”

"H-he wrote... He wrote..."  Roxas was struggling not to vomit.  There was the sound of crinkling paper.   “He wrote about how he’s tired. How he can’t be happy.  And then he says it isn’t anyone’s fault. And then…” Roxas swallowed and Isa could hear him clearing his throat. “ _ This is me saying good-bye.  I assume I'll be long gone by the time you find this. _ "

Isa went silent, the blood rushing out of his face.  He nearly collapsed to the floor, and a hand caught himself on the edge of the closet.   _ It was a suicide note _ .  His heart stopped in his chest with a cold, stabbing pain.  He suddenly felt like vomiting again.

"R-Roxas..." Isa began, taking a long breath to put on his old facade of stoic clarity. "I know you're smart enough.  Where did Lea go?"

Roxas repeatedly smacked his forehead into the wall, holding the phone a foot away from him.

“I don’t know!”  Roxas sobbed. “I don’t know where he’d go!  He’s so fucking stupid! How would he— What would he do to—“  Roxas couldn’t finish the sentence. He didn’t want to picture the ways in which Lea would kill himself.

"Roxas!" Isa said, suddenly sounding like Saïx in authority again. "Think! Where would Lea want his last moments to be!?"

There was a brief pause.  Roxas inhaled and let it out slowly, teeth chattering into the speaker.

“He’d… I… I would have thought it would be with you,” Roxas blurted out the first thought on his mind.  It was the only time he had ever acknowledged how important Lea’s friendship with Isa was.

“But… Somewhere nice, I think.  The beach. Or… Neverland? Maybe the Twilight Town clocktower?”

Isa's eyes lit up. "I'm going to find him Roxas. Don't worry.  I'll text you once I find him." The tone in his voice was surprisingly sweet as he tried to comfort Roxas. He had never used it on anyone but Lea.  Isa suddenly hung up the phone and tore his way to the stairwell, boots thumping down two at a time until he slid down the banister for the last set.  Isa wrestled impatiently wrestled with his cloak, which he kept in the closet by the front door. His hands were still shaking too much to control his movements. The moment he had it zipped, he opened a portal and fell through it, very much unlike Saïx.

When Isa stepped out onto the side of the tower, a breeze blew the smell on coal from the trains below. Isa took a deep breath and stepped around the corner.  He had to hold back a sob at the sight of Lea.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  


Lea had worn a suit to the clocktower.  He wanted his crumpled body to look good when they found it at the bottom.

In truth, it had been his father’s suit.  Having spent a larger portion of his adult life in a magical black coat, he had few articles of properly-fitting clothing when he returned to the life of a Somebody.  Kairi had taken him shopping for some new duds last summer after they had grown closer, but he had gone for articles with functionality and never thought to get something formal.  Luckily, Lea had grown into a spitting image of his father, down to the inseam.

Unfortunately, he had forgotten how the world of Twilight Town was an In-between World.  Always stuck at sunset, the people used black-out curtains to sleep and utilized alarms and the clocktower to tell time.  It also appeared to be stuck in cycles of summer, never cold enough to frost. He could have opened the Corridor of Darkness at the top of the clocktower to save time, but Lea had inconspicuously walked out into the forest to enjoy a solemn trip across town.  He wanted to enjoy his last sights, sounds, and smells. By the time Lea made it to the highest point in town, he had to remove his Organization cloak to escape the day’s blistering heat.

“So this is it, huh?”  He asked the golden-red sunset which he had watched a thousand times before.  Behind him, the bell tolled six times, loud enough for the vibrations to buzz in his chest and shake his whole skeleton.  Had he not been up here so many times in the past, it might have startled him over the edge that very minute.

Lea loosened his tie and sighed, trying to cease the hurricane of thoughts springing to his mind.  He stepped up on the wall and peered down. How many stories was it? Seven? Ten? All he needed to do was swallow down the courage to jump, and it would be over.  He didn’t have to think after that.

 

__ What if it doesn’t work?  
_ What if it doesn’t work  _ _ instantly _ __?  
__ What about Isa?  
__ What about Roxas and Xion?  
__ What if…  
_ What if…  
_ __ What if…

 

He tried to block the thoughts, but they kept coming. Lea’s stomach violently churned its contents—or lack thereof—to the point he almost vomited.  Looking at his hands, he found them trembling. He needed to calm down. 

This could wait.  He had all the time in the worlds.  Roxas’ and Xion’s black coats were in his bag, after all.

Lea bit back the bile rising in his throat and sat down on the edge, reaching into his pocket for the pack of cigarettes he bought for the occasion.  He didn’t remember the last time he had smoked, but it had been well over five years ago. Back then, Lea (or rather, Axel) had chased every high possible to feel like he had a heart.  He had been the troublemaker from day one, but Xemnas did little to punish any of the members for seeking out  _ physical _ enjoyment.  Such escapism only encouraged them to embrace the idea that they were only physical bodies with physical needs—that they didn't possess the ability to feel. The Organization had taken so much from him, Axel had started to hope Nobodies could get cancer, just to spite Xemnas.  Isa had hated the smell, though, and eventually, Lea grew bored of cigarettes. He moved on to worse vices before he lost all sense of his humanity completely.

With a quick snap of his finger, the cigarette jumped to life.  No point in carrying a lighter when your whole body could generate flames.  Lea took a long drag and tried to hold the smoke in his lungs. His long-recovered body fought it, and he coughed.

“Damn,” he croaked, tapping the ash from the end of his cigarette.  “How did I ever get into these?” 

An hour passed long after the cigarette had been finished.  As Lea stared out into the sunset, he faded in and out of conscious thought.  All the memories of past afternoons on this clocktower returned to him, even the ones he had forgotten when Xion disappeared—even the ones he had spent here with  _ Isa _ , nearly a decade before that.  On those days, they had still refused to be Axel or Saïx.

Thinking of Isa again, Lea found his resolve wearing thin.   _ I don’t want to do this _ , he thought to himself.   _ But I can’t just go back there after leaving like that _ .

The bells suddenly tolled seven ‘o clock behind him.   Now was as good a time as ever. Lea carefully rose to his feet, perched precariously on the ledge.  His body wobbled, legs and bottom numb from sitting too long. It would have been easy to surrender control and tip forward, but he still couldn’t take that step. Lea looked down, maintaining balance.

Down below, there were a few people rushing to catch the seven-fifteen to town, their hurried footsteps reminding him of ants.  Others were getting off at this station and dawdling in the courtyard. He didn’t need any witnesses. 

_ I’m making more excuses, _ he thought again.

Lea grit his teeth, mustering up all of his resolve as he lifted right his foot into the air for the last step he would ever take.  His balance remained strong on his left foot, and even when the last passerby had meandered into town, Lea still found himself standing on the ledge.  With a heavy sigh of regret, Lea laid his left foot back down and stared into the sunset, gripping his head with frustration. Were there different gods in Twilight Town?  Were they listening? Trying to tell him something? 

The more time he gave himself, the more he remembered why he still hadn’t done this yet.  For all of the pervasive memories that haunted him, there were still people that wanted him alive.  He was abandoning them. Lea had wanted to escape the loss that surrounded him, but he was starting to realize his death would only create a void of loss for everyone else.

“You win, okay?!”  He shouted, voice drowning in the wind.  “You  _ win _ , dammit… You win.”

Lea didn't know who he was talking to, but he turned and stepped down from the ledge, returning to the safety of the tower.  When he looked up, he came face to face with Isa. Out of nowhere, this blue-haired man had appeared, a miraculous messenger of these strange Twilight gods.  

“H-Hey...”  Lea’s voice cracked, raspy and thick with emotion.  His eyes stared back in widened shock, unable to believe what he was seeing.  He worried that if he blinked, the image would disappear. 

“Isa?”

Isa had witnessed the last couple minutes, having difficulty getting himself to say anything to Lea.  His chest had been tight with fear. If he had scared Lea over the edge, he would never have forgiven himself.  If he had done nothing and watched Lea jump… he might have followed. Isa was so relieved when Lea stepped down that he found his whole body trembling. He wanted to run over and hug the stupid redhead the moment Lea turned around, but he was frozen on the spot.  Judging by the piteous look forming on Lea’s face, it must have been evident that he was close to crying.

“N-not gonna say anything?”  Lea cleared his throat and swallowed the hard lump forming at the back of his throat.  “Not gonna yell at me? Call me stupid?”

“N-no.  Of course not,” Isa murmured, feeling his lips quake over his teeth.

Lea could have been here for hours more without any interruption from Roxas or Xion, but Isa still had his own coat.  He was realizing that this had not been a failsafe plan and Isa’s interruption was more science than miracle. Still, their last words came to mind.  He had told Isa was that they could never have what they wanted. The last thing Isa had said to him was a cold, ‘You’re joking’ before he stormed off into the house.  Lea had been sure that Isa would leave Radiant Garden. 

“I’m… a little bit surprised that you came to stop me.”

"Of  _ course _ I came to stop you,” Isa half-growled.  His tone fell short of anger as his voice died off.  Isa's eyes fell to the brick, and he heaved a defeated sigh.  “Why would you even doubt me?”

“I thought our friendship was...over.  Y'know. After what I did.”

“Lea… if you had jumped, I would have jumped right after you.” Isa ground his teeth and looked directly into Lea's eyes.  “Our friendship is far from over.”

Lea’s brows rose curiously.  Was Isa suggesting what he thought he was?  It would have been hypocritical for Lea to scold Isa, so he remained silent, blinking fast and willing his eyelids to reabsorb the tears before they formed.  His sniffle was hidden in the echoes of a well-timed train whistle. 

“I’m here to talk,” Isa continued.

“Well, we got time,” Lea managed a weak chuckle that didn't reach his eyes.  “I mean, the sun never sets here, after all.”

Isa glared, warning him that this was not a good time to joke. He repressed another sigh and approached the ledge.  Once sitting, he gestured to Lea, welcoming him to sit by his side. "You're lucky Roxas got ahold of me. He and Xion were sobbing with worry when they called.”

“I figured that’s what happened.”

Lea hesitated, staring down at his feet with his hands clasped behind his back.  Still dressed in his suit—the jacket straightening his posture—he looked like a child that had been scolded at Sunday school.  In Isa’s distant memories, he was sure there was a perfect replica of this moment. Lea approached slowly, and when he sat down next to Isa, he drew his legs up to his chest.

“They’re never gonna let me forget this,” Lea mumbled.  “I’m so...stupid.”

“Lea,” Isa started, pausing to think a second. "The thought process was stupid.  _ You’re _ not.  I don’t think any of us will forget this, but we can get past this.  You can make it up to us when we get home."

The fact that Isa wasn’t yelling, mocking, or even giving him words of pity made Lea curl up further on himself.  The gravity of the situation was beginning to sink in.

“There’s going to be hell to pay, though,” Lea deadpanned, staring off into the sunset.  Although his eyes reflected the fiery hues, they didn't burn with the same intensity. Lea might not have killed himself, but he seemed so lifeless at this moment.  “Maybe I shouldn’t go back home at all. Roxas and Xion will kill me anyway.” An even weaker chuckle escaped him.

"I think the relief of having you safely home is far more important than the pain of trying to speak at your funeral." Isa’s voice once again grew louder, but he managed to return to a gentle murmur.  

Lea briefly closed his eyes and deeply inhaled the smokey air.  He held the breath in his chest, stretched his back, and loosed it slowly through his nose. In-between the lines of conversation, it was a breath full of unsaid words and feelings.  He relaxed his legs over the ledge and let them dangle, then slumped his shoulders. After a few seconds more of staring off into the horizon, he turned his head and met Isa’s gaze. 

“I don’t…  _ want _ to go home.”  He had intended to speak with much more courage, but his voice broke as he made eye contact, squeaking barely above a whisper.  His eyes were burning again, this time brimming with tears that threatened to break the threshold.

Hearing that hurt, but how Lea said it hurt so much more.  Isa forced himself to look at Lea, wanting to take his hand.  Isa’s arm twitched with intent but fell short of reaching out.  Instead, he rubbed his other arm anxiously and looked out at the sunset.  "We don't have to go home just now. We can stay here and talk. I think you need to get some things off your chest." 

“Maybe the both of us do,” Lea whispered, looking at Isa’s tell.

"Just...”

Isa imagined himself cupping a handful of water that poured between the cracks in his fingers.  Finding the words was impossible. Frustrating. Painful. Lea had just attempted to kill himself!  Didn’t he know that death was final? There was no returning from his hare-brained scheme. It was The End.  Done. Finito. Without even considering what Roxas and Xion would do after his demise—without considering how Isa would feel—Lea had left them to their own fates.  He had made the decision to change their lives without even giving them a chance to stop it.

“ _ Lea _ ... _ ”  _ Isa couldn't stop himself from sobbing, shoulders shaking as he quickly wiped away the tears. “ _ Why? _ Why did you think this was an option!"

Lea gripped at his chest, fingernails scraping into the silky fabric of his father’s dress shirt.  Isa’s face contorted with such unadulterated agony that it stopped Lea’s heart mid-beat. He couldn’t find his own breath in his lungs.  There was a scream that wanted out as he summoned the words to speak, but Lea grit his teeth and tried to hold it at bay. He  _ refused _ to cry.  He hadn’t done it all day.  He wasn’t going to now. 

“I… I…”

A heavy silence fell between them, Isa crying silently and Lea being torn apart by guilt. Lea’s lower lip started to quiver.  Despite biting it until the pain forced it still, he broke down as well, turning his head to hide his tears.

“I’m so  _ tired _ , Isa,” Lea choked.  His teeth chattered with every breath.  “I’m tired. Of losing everyone. Watching them die.  Of fighting. Of arguing with you all the time. Of trying to keep going when nothing is gonna be the same again!”

Isa continued to remain silent, clenching his eyes shut.  Every time he opened them, his own tears blurred his vision and poured out like a broken faucet.  He didn't want Lea to be alone, and he wanted to be the reason he wasn't. But Lea had rejected him before.  It still hurt despite the month that had passed in his time travel.

"But you didn’t lose  _ me _ ,” he managed to sputter.  “I’m here. And if you have me, you won't be alone—”

“Do you know how many times I’ve already thought I lost you?”  Lea interrupted, fists pounding on his knees as tears splattered onto his trousers.  

There had been so many times that Lea witnessed Isa seize, thinking it would be the last. Then, after Isa's thirteenth birthday, he had been hospitalized for two weeks where the doctors had put him into a coma due to brain swelling. (Lea had never been able to forgive the police after Piers had paid off the DA.)  After all the times he cried over Isa, he never thought it would get worse until he witnessed Isa sacrifice himself. 

“I already watched you  _ die _ , Isa. Right in front of me!  And after all this fighting over everything… Y-you’re gonna kill me if I have to lose you again!”

“L-Lea…  I'm not going to  _ die _ .  Not anytime soon.  _ Please _ . I want to be here for you.  I just want you to be okay!” Isa sniffled, pawing at the tears on his cheeks. He coughed and cleared his throat. "I’m sorry for being such a shitty friend. I don't want to fight you on everything. I...I  _ love _ you.”

Lea moved his hand to Isa’s shoulder and squeezed.  He was no longer afraid of letting Isa see his tears.  Seeing Isa prostrated and whimpering made his throat tighten.  After a few shuddering breaths, he stopped a sob from coming and soldiered on.

“You’re not… You're  _ not _ a shitty friend. If anything, it’s me.  I never told you I was sorry. For letting Xemnas get to you.  For just… watching you change and doing nothing about it. For…” Lea swallowed and bowed his head.  “I wish I had never dragged you into that basement in the first place.”

"None of that is your fault! I followed you willingly. I wanted to sneak in the castle too. I sacrificed  _ my _ humanity so that  _ you _ wouldn't become Xehanort’s pawn." Isa could have glared but the tears prevented him from doing so. His hand reached out and he grabbed Lea's upper arm. "Everything I have done in my whole life has been for you."

Lea’s voice cracked into a sob.  He removed his hand from Isa’s shoulder and wiped frantically at his face to stop the tears flowing as freely as Isa's.  The more he wiped, the more he cried until he was left a sniffling mess at Isa’s side, sobbing into his hands. “Y-you’re such a… such a  _ j-jerk _ .  You kn-know that?!”  

Isa suddenly pulled Lea close and wrapped his arms around his thin shoulders. He rested his nose in the thick of Lea’s hair and held him tightly, allowing the redhead to cry into his cloak. "I mean it, Lea. You are the only reason I ever wanted my heart back."

The sudden embrace had Lea’s pulse bounding in his chest.  As he sat there and cried, embarrassed that Isa could catch him so off-guard with his words, he also felt a wonderfully heartbreaking pain in his heart.  Isa always spoke with precise intent, but he clearly had no idea how romantic his cherry-picked words could sound to someone who loved him. Lea knew without a doubt that he was still holding a torch for him, even after trying to force him away.  This unexpected tenderness only made him cry harder into the crook of Isa’s shoulder.

For several minutes they sat there, Isa rubbing the back of Lea’s shoulders until his breathing calmed and both of their tears stopped.  Lea reached up and wrapped his arms around Isa in return, tilting his face to meet Isa’s gaze. The sunlight twinkled in Lea’s eyes, making them flash a hazy blue as he began to smile.  Slowly, Lea drew his face closer, their eyes locked. At the last second, he stopped and turned, face flushed as he leaned out of Isa’s embrace.

“Sorry,” he whispered.

Isa had gone stiff when Lea leaned in, and he remained still as a rock when Lea retreated. It took several seconds for him to snap out of his frozen state. The last time Lea kissed him played in his mind, and Isa felt that pain of betrayal hit his heart again. He had to force it down, knowing it was behind him.

"You seem to want to kiss me a lot lately."

“Heh… yeah,” Lea said with a forced smile.  “Don’t know what that’s about. I’m clearly the more kissable one—pouty lips and all that, you know.”

A haunted look flashed upon Lea’s face as he turned and looked at Isa’s lips.  The temptation was still there. Regret lingered in his eyes under a furrowing brow, but instead of pulling further from Isa, he leaned back into his shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” he said again.

Isa wrapped one arm around Lea and rubbed his shoulder.  Another moment of silence passed, Isa not wanting to ruin this moment. They were together, not fighting.  Lea was still alive and in his arms.

"When you kissed me,” Isa whispered,  “I thought that everything in my life had come together for a reason." A sad laugh broke out of his lungs. “I thought that I could finally show you something about myself that I never had. But of course, it wasn't true."

Lea wrapped his arm around Isa’s waist and he settled deeper into the warmth of his best friend’s clothes.  Isa had changed after work and the scent of his cologne had mostly faded from his skin, but there had always been something crisp about him that Lea could smell when they were this close.  It was soothing, making Isa’s words hurt all the more when they reached his ears. The guilt was a slap in the face. Before they were Nobodies, there weren't secrets. Lea had wanted to know every detail of his best friend's life and he shared every moment of his own. Lea had always accepted Isa—all of him. Isa never needed to hide a thing.

“What...did you want to show me?”  Lea dared to ask. Isa had kissed him back in that first kiss, but strange things often happened in the heat of the moment.  

Isa closed his eyes a moment before answering, a pathetic frown painted on his tired face. "Shouldn’t it be obvious, you idiot? I have loved you since before I can remember. You are the reason my heart beats.  I wouldn't be myself without you." Isa was only slightly thankful he was talented in poetry. It helped him pick his words precisely.

Lea was left completely speechless by the profundity of Isa’s words.  A warm breeze reached them this high in the city, ruffling his tufts of hair and causing the clasps on Isa’s coat to tinkle.  Except for that and the rustle in their ears, silence followed Isa’s response. Curled up into Isa’s side, Lea kneaded his hands and worked away the clammy sensation in his palms before he reached over and placed a hand on Isa’s spare, interlacing their fingers.

“I wasn’t lying when I told you I loved you last week,” he said before kissing Isa’s knuckles.  “I kissed you because I remember for years…looking at you and wishing I  _ could _ kiss you without getting you in trouble.  Or making you think differently of me. I didn’t want you thinking I was just pretending or being curious.”

Isa's blue eyebrows raised curiously, his heart skipping a beat.  Had Lea really just said that? He was quiet, looking down at the blue-green eyes of his best friend.  "I would  _ never _ think differently of you." He finally managed to say. "I mean, sure, you probably were curious," he couldn't help but smirk. "You had a way of getting into tricky situations. Maybe you still do. But it doesn't make me love you less."

Lea was silent again, stroking his thumb over Isa’s finger, amazed at how soft it was.  The Luna Diviner had been a man who wielded a sword half his body weight. Considering that, Lea expected Isa’s hands to be rougher than they were.  His cold exterior and wiry build belied a very delicate nature. It had always been that way, hadn’t it? Isa had been bitter and sarcastic since they were kids, but Lea knew that it was a mask he wore to keep himself from getting hurt.  Isa had even worn it around Lea sometimes, but Lea knew the true nature deep down. This moment was Isa. Isa was rose-gold sunsets, warm summer breezes, and kisses on knuckles. He was poetry, whispers in his ear, and the smell of fresh cotton shirts.  Isa was peace. 

“Isa,” Lea whispered, looking at their intertwined hands, “I don’t know what the future has in store.   But I know I want you in my life. I…  _ need _ you in my life.  I need you as my friend, but right now… I really want to kiss you again.  Just once. Before we have to go home.”

If Isa's heart hadn't already been racing, it certainly was now. He still managed to keep a cool and collected expression, but surely Lea could see through the mask.  He didn't want to say anything in case he ruined the moment. 

Isa unlaced their fingers, looking down at Lea.  He set a gentle thumb on Lea's chin and leaned. Their lips connected.  Lea’s hands hesitated, caught between their chests before he found the courage to reach up and sink them into Isa’s hair.  Like last time, their cheeks were still moist with tears, cold and mottled pink, but this time the kiss was less desperate. Instead of hungering for each other’s mouths, they ached for each other’s touch.  Lea felt Isa’s thumb tenderly caressing his ear the same way he was brushing against Isa’s neck. They explored each other’s mouths they way they hadn’t last time, knowing that the solace found in the other’s lips was temporary.  The moment the kiss was over, they both knew they had to go home.

There had been something final in the way that Lea requested this kiss.  He had said the last time that nothing between them could end the way they wanted, and now he had told Isa he needed his friendship.  Before he could let Lea pull away and break his heart again, Isa ended the kiss. Lea was still paused in mid-air, lips parted. He slowly opened his eyes and looked into Isa’s.

The clocktower started to toll.

“I…guess it’s time for the carriage to turn into a pumpkin again,” Lea whispered, his eyes trailing to the brick.

Isa felt a stabbing pain in his chest, longing for Lea so much more.  He had to close his eyes to block out the pain. Before he allowed his emotions to make a fool of himself,  he nodded and separated himself from Lea, pulling himself up and off the ledge. 

"Promise me," Isa said quietly, offering out a hand to assist.

“Promise what?”

“That you will never do this to us again.  That if you feel the urge to come back here and jump, you'll call me. I don't care if it's three in the morning. Wake me up.”

Lea looked at Isa's outstretched palm and hesitated.  He reached out as if it would burn him, but grasped it harder the longer they touched.  Lea pulled himself off the ledge and wrapped his arms around Isa one last time, patting him solidly on the back.

“I promise,” he whispered ashamedly.

Their talk had barely touched the tip of the iceberg.  Isa had stopped a catastrophe, but he had only put a bandage on a festering wound.  The poison still needed to be leached out. It was going to take time, but Isa was willing to give it, now.  It was time to put their differences aside and remember what had made them friends in the first place.

“Lea.  Maybe… Maybe I'll reconsider moving in.  We’ll keep each other going forward. A support system.  Until we both have the strength to be on our own. Deal?”

“And if we start arguing again?”

“It’s going to happen.  But… I’m not leaving you.  We’ll solve our problems one at at time.  Maybe Xion can be a mediator?”

Lea smirked, trying to hold a chuckle.  No one could resist Xion. Saix might have been indifferent towards her, but Isa was already letting her into his heart, regardless of his feelings for Roxas.

“Okay,” he said.  “No more fighting.  We talk it out. We...support each other.”

Lea sighed.  This was a moment he wanted engraved on his heart, so that the next time he felt like coming to the clocktower, it would stop him before he left.  He memorized the way the sun felt on his back and the way Isa’s hair had felt in his fingers. He recorded the sound of birds and trains. He inhaled the last smell of Isa’s cologne and shampoo before it vanished from memory.  He savored the aftertaste of a kiss. Squeezing tight one last time, he let go.

“I’m afraid to go back home after this stunt.”

"We have to, Lea,"  Isa stated. "They're worried sick, and…  _ shit.  _  I forgot to text Roxas you're okay."

Isa quickly took out his phone and pulled Lea’s number from his contact list.  After hastily thumbing out a few words, he scratched the back of his neck and chewed on his lip.  "I'm not prepared for this, either. I know you're going to be exhausted after all this. Maybe when we get back I can order some take-out for all of us."

Lea’s eyes narrowed suspiciously at Isa when he pulled up his contact list.  With no love lost between them, it made sense that Isa didn't have Roxas's number. Isa had texted  _ his _ phone, which he had conveniently left on the bed to avoid being tracked.  What Lea hadn’t expected was Isa’s choice of words for his contact name. He recognized his own stupid grin from the list, but it did not say “Lea Gardener”.

“ _ This Motherfucker? _  Really?”  Lea blinked a few times before his lips pursed, and he snorted a laugh.  “You  _ ass _ .”

Isa couldn't help but grin, pocketing his phone protectively. "I'd hate to see what you called me in your phone, idiot." He was relieved for the sudden change in mood. 

“You’re Isa Page, in mine.  But for that, I’m gonna call you Blue-haired  _ Buttface _ .  Esquire.”

 “Is that how it’s going to be?  Maybe I’ll change your contact picture to a jackass.”

“And maybe I’ll change yours to a… a… I don’t know!  But it’s going to be insulting!”

Isa laughed and stretched out his hand, opening a portal for their return.  “Come on, Lea. I’ll buy you a combo meal with the extra egg roll to make up for it.”

Lea flicked an eyebrow up, contemplating the offer before turning to retrieve his bag and black coat. “I want the fried doughnuts for dessert, too,” he pouted as he pulled up his zipper.

“Anything you want,” Isa rolled his eyes and patted Lea's back, encouraging Lea to lead the way. “Let’s hurry.”

At the end of the Corridor, Lea could faintly see the image of a neighborhood in greyscale, color saturating it as they stepped closer to the exit. When they exited, the portal dissolved behind them, landing them right in front of Lea's house. Warm yellow light filtered out of the windows.

"I'm sure they're a mess," Isa said.  He checked the handle and found it unlocked.  With a gentle push, it opened, and Isa guided Lea inside.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

“It’s been forty-five minutes,” Xion whispered.

There was nothing they could do, and their uselessness had led to an eventual crash.  Knowing that Isa was their only hope, Roxas and Xion prayed that he found Lea in one piece and reconvened in the living room.  The TV was on, but neither of them watched. Instead, Xion half-sat, half-laid between Roxas’ legs with her head on his chest.  Roxas rubbed her back until she stopped crying, while simultaneously dashing tears away from his own red eyes. He was starting to feel numb with the surrealism.

“Roxas… what if we were too late?”

“I don’t know,” he said quietly, eyes unblinking.  He refused to believe the situation. “He’s going to come back.  I promise. I swear.”

“But what if—“

“Shhhh….”

Roxas didn’t want to hear it.  He couldn’t bear the thought. Just short of six months after vanquishing Xehanort and gaining his own life, his best friend and only anchor to the living world was dead?

Somewhere in the room, there was a cartoonish whistle.  A whistle?

_ Axel’s ringtone! _

Xion shot up from the couch before Roxas could weasel his way out from under her.  She stumbled to the ground, ripped the phone from the coffee table and looked at the screen.

> **Isa Page**
> 
> Lea's okay. He's with me.

 

“Roxas!  He’s alive!  Isa found him!”

And then there was more crying, this time in happiness.

By the time the front door opened, they thought they had cried themselves dry.  This had proven not to be true because both children threw themselves on Lea the moment he slunk through the door. 

“LEA!”

“AXEL!”

“What did I tell you about locking the doors!” He shouted over them before disappearing in the pile.

“You jerk!  Don’t you ever do that again!”  Xion shouted, squeezing Lea’s waist as she sobbed into his collar bone.

“I hate you,” Roxas mumbled ironically, his head on Lea’s shoulder.

“I’m…  I’m sorry, guys.”

Suddenly, Isa felt like an intruder in a very intimate moment.  He tried to hold back his jealousy, knowing what it had done to him years before.  When the hugging continued too long for his comfort, he excused himself to the kitchen and announced that he was calling for food.  Isa wasn’t quite sure they heard him. 

Isa sat at the kitchen table with a mug of coffee, watching through the inlet as the trio discussed the day’s events on the couch.  Much like half an hour prior, there was crying and muttered apologies, and a few choice curses from Roxas before the room went silent.  When their eyes dried up, they turned on the TV, waiting for their order to arrive. Isa wanted nothing more than to curl up in Lea's arms on that couch, but he would never dare to do it in front of Roxas and Xion.  

Food arrived and they all ate their fill, Lea getting a whole order of fried donuts to himself as promised. After eating, Isa took it upon himself to clean up while the others watched a movie.  Still fidgeting and unable to make himself comfortable after that, he went upstairs to turn down Lea’s bed when the kitchen was cleaned. The crumpled note was at the foot where Roxas had left it.

Finally seeing what Lea had written in full caused Isa to collapse on the bed and cry again.  He wanted to burn the monstrosity so that he could never relive this night, but that was Lea’s choice.  If Lea was going to move on, he had to burn the note himself. 

He had been lucky.   _ Lea _ had been lucky.  After fighting Xehanort’s control for so long, Isa had long given up hope.  When his heart had been restored, the range of emotions available to him had been overwhelming.  He still cried at inopportune moments, laughed at the wrong ones, and found his temper hard to control.  Lea must have felt the same way upon his return, but Isa was surprised to find out that he still struggled, having had longer to recover.  

Never in his wildest nightmares had Isa believed it possible for Lea to consider taking his own life.  He had been reckless, yes. He had made foolish, dangerous decisions as a Nobody. But as a human being?   As a boy? Lea had always been smiles and laughter. As an adult, he was still laughter, although it had an edge of sarcasm and honed wit.  Isa had never seen this coming. He had always thought Lea to be so much stronger than himself.

Surprisingly, Isa came to the realization that he had always been stronger, and subconsciously he always believed it.  This was his reason for protecting Lea for so long—his reason for sacrificing himself time and time again to keep Lea safe.  Right now, Lea needed him again. As long as Lea was still hurting behind his smiles, Isa needed to be here as a friend.

After drying his face and collecting his thoughts, Isa put the letter jn the top drawer of Lea's desk. By the time Isa found his way down to the living room, it was deep in the night.  He was relieved to find Roxas and Xion out cold, and happier still to see Lea awake. Isa drew closer and brushed a hand through Lea's messy red hair. 

"Hey," Isa whispered. 

“Hey.”

Lea looked upwards and gave a sleepy smile that stretched into a yawn.  He blinked a few times until his eyes stayed open properly. On one side of him was Roxas.  On the other side was Xion. Both were out cold and cuddled into Lea, an oversized crochet blanket draped over all of them.  

Roxas slept through just about anything.  If Lea was to escape their clutches, moving Roxas was the easier bet.  Lea’s judgment stood correct as he shifted under the teenage boy’s weight and slipped from the couch.  He mumbled uncomfortably, back stiff as he rearranged the two of them on the couch and draped the blanket over them both.  He looked to Isa, then back to Xion and Roxas with a squint. A million red flags went off at the sight of Roxas sleeping with Xion, but just this one time, he would permit it. 

Lea let out a defeated sigh.  “I don’t have the energy to take them upstairs.  Roxas weighs like a brick house.”

"Let them sleep on the couch," Isa whispered. "They can complain about back pain in the morning." He took Lea by the hand and led him up the stairs to his bedroom. In all honesty, Isa just wanted to make sure Lea got comfortable and was happy tonight. 

Before reaching the bedroom, Isa dragged Lea to the bathroom to brush his teeth, stifling yawns as he waited.  He reached up to scratch the back of his head and froze. His fingers glided over a spot on his head that distinctly felt like a piece of glass trapped in his skin.  It was something new to his body, perhaps what he didn't remember from his last trip to the past.

Once Lea was ready for bed, Isa dragged him to the room and tried to get him to lay down. Lea hung on with all of his dead weight, trying to drag Isa with him. 

"Come on, Lea.  Let go of me."

Between Roxas and Xion, neither had given Lea the time to go upstairs and change out of his suit.  The jacket had been neatly folded over a chair in the kitchen and his belt tossed somewhere in the living room, but he still wore the white shirt and tie, tailored trousers, and good socks.   Lea groaned as he slid down Isa’s waist and legs, landed on the bed, and fell backward. He looked over at the bedside clock and saw “11:15” in red.   

“Can I just sleep in my clothes?” Lea grumbled, lazily unbuttoning his shirt.

"If that's what you want." 

Isa folded his arms and looked down at Lea on the bed. He watched Lea struggle through his exhaustion to undo one single button and huffed before leaning down and helping him.  Shirt and tie undone, Isa took note of Lea's condition. He looked underweight, like usual, but he also had much less muscle mass. Depression and focusing on Roxas and Xion must have taken his time away from keeping in shape.  

Awkwardly, Isa started to undo Lea's pants.  "Ugh, I feel like your nanny."

“You’re a sexy nanny,” Lea giggled dumbly, stretching his arms over his head.  The movement triggered a yawn. Lea twisted as Isa unbuttoned his pants, wiggled until they were down to his knees, and stretched until his shirt was down to his wrists.  He threw the shirt to the side of the bed. “Just yank the pants and leave the socks,” he mumbled. “I don’t even care anymore. I’ll sleep in my boxers.”

Isa did just that, yanking the pants clean off and dropping them to the floor. He went ahead and pulled the socks off Lea's feet anyway. "Sleeping with socks is the most unattractive thing I can think of," Isa teased.  He chose to ignore the sexy comment. He didn't see himself as attractive at all. Unlike Lea, his metabolism had allowed him to gain a few pounds since returning home. 

Lea successfully stripped, Isa pulled the blankets over him and turned to leave. "I'll see you in the morning, I guess."

“Heyyy,” Lea called playfully, folding the blanket back over his waist.  He reached for Isa’s wrist and gently grasped it before he could get away.  Whether he was too tired to fight or was consciously aware of how much force he was using was yet to be seen. 

“Stay with me.  Please?” Lea’s finger stroked at the pulse in Isa’s wrist.  “Unless you don’t want to share a bed. I get it. But... It would be nice to have someone close tonight.”

Isa stopped, an irritated tightness in his jaw.  He wanted to sleep in the bed with Lea, but he was afraid he would wake up in the morning and regret it all.  They might have left the clocktower strictly as friends, but Lea was notorious for being handsy. Isa worried he would be too easily swayed if Lea tried to pull anything. 

Isa's shoulders slumped with defeat.  He looked at the door, then back at the bed. With a sigh, he walked over to the wall, turned off the lights, and climbed into bed.  Not bothering to remove his sweatshirt or jeans, he wiggled under the blanket next to Lea.  

"Good night, buttface."

“You’re the buttface, buttface,” Lea snorted, sidling closer in the bed.

It was Isa’s decision to wear clothes in the bed, but that wouldn’t stop Lea from coming closer to his body for warmth. As tired as he was, now that he was alone with Isa, all he wanted to do was watch him.  At rest, Lea had a slight curve in his lips that always looked like a smile. The way he pierced into Isa’s eyes—the same way he had since he was a child—seemed to grip right at Isa’s heart and soul. 

Considering his baseline smile, the grin that crept up on Lea’s lips was insidious.  Slowly but surely, an arm snuck its way over Isa’s waist.

Isa had a very unamused expression. He watched Lea in return, waiting for him to do some stupid trick that would make him leave the bed. His eyes widened in surprise when the arm rested on his waist.

There was a pink tint to Isa's cheeks that Isa hoped Lea couldn't see in the dark.  "Are you going to sleep now?" Isa asked. "Or are you going to be annoying?"

“Don’t you remember when we were kids, and we slept in the same bed all the time?”  Lea’s face remained placid as he moved closer into a hug.

“Naturally, I was always the little spoon because I was scrawny.  Then I had my growth spurt and became the magnificent creature before you,” he started jokingly.  “But we always ended up snuggled for warmth, and it wasn’t weird because we didn’t  _ talk _ about loving each other.  We just loved.”

Lea pulled his head away from Isa’s collar bone and rested his face inches away.  He was close enough that Isa felt his hot breath on his cheeks. “I could put my clothes back on if it makes you more comfortable, but I really just wanted to be close tonight.”

There was a long sigh, Isa shutting his eyes and covering them with the palms of his hands. He was trying not to cry, still emotional from the day's events. He sniffled and uncovered his eyes.

"Don't talk anymore." He said, closing the gap between their bodies. He wrapped an arm over Lea's shoulder and pressed their foreheads together. "Let's just love. Okay?" He looked into Lea's emerald eyes, still vibrant in the dark.

Lea savored the warmth, letting his breathing sync with Isa’s as his vision adjusted to the dark. By the time they rested their heads together, he could make out occasional details in Isa’s face from the street lamp filtering in through the blinds.  Everything was grayscale, and he was glad Isa couldn’t see the red-hot blush in his face as the flutter in his chest returned.

“I know that I’m not supposed to talk, but… the way you said that just now is sending some mixed signals, you know.”  Quick and chaste, he pressed his smiling lips against Isa’s. “But I think I get the gist.”

"I meant—" Isa was cut off by the kiss. He stayed still for a minute, his own heart starting to pound. Surely Lea could feel it against his own chest. 

“Good night, Isa,” Lea murmured, tucking his head back into Isa’s shoulder.

"Good night, Lea," Isa said, a hint of amusement in his tone. He closed his eyes, and despite the butterflies, he already felt himself slipping deep into sleep, the warmth and comfort of Lea holding him making him feel safe for the first time in a while.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...That took longer to edit than we expected. We were hoping to get two chapters out this month, but the next most likely won't come out until after KH3!
> 
> GET EXCITE. 13 years we've waited, and it finally comes down to this. Akusai or die. Here's hoping everyone lives. Since KH3 will undoubtedly affect future chapters, we will start putting spoiler warnings in the beginning author notes if anything gets changed in editing.
> 
> Thanks for all the lovely kudos and comments! Your input was thoroughly appreciated.
> 
> Love,  
> Potato and Kyoya


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